Kids have been spotted

I apologize to everyone who is experiencing long loading times for this blog. I've noticed it too, though it seems to only be the background that is taking a long time and not the actual content, which makes it bearable. I hope this is what everyone else is seeing too.

Today was our first official day back to school, Operation: In-Service. In Dallas, we always go back for 5 days of staff development before the kids come for their first day. I showed up around 7:40, as I had been promised breakfast, and on that matter, I was not disappointed. Some tasty breakfast burritos and a cup of OJ later, and I was a happy (er) camper.

However, things were not cool with my classroom. Literally. It was already 102º today, yet the heater was running full blast in my room. It should have been the A/C running, but it was blowing hot air, and when I opened my door, I felt like a victim from the movie Backdraft. Needless to say, I shut the "A/C" off, but the room didn't get much cooler. Thankfully, I wasn't in my room much as we had other things on the agenda.

Item 1 on the agenda was the mystery field trip. We had received an email from our principal last week saying that we were getting on buses and going somewhere, and that we should wear sunblock, shades, and a hat. If you noticed my earlier statement -- it was freakin' 102 degrees outside today -- you might guess that we were not especially pleased to hear that we would be outside for any amount of time.

A few people had guessed at where we would be going, and they were correct. In conjunction with the planned "Meet the Teacher" night this Thursday, we visited our students' apartment complexes and passed out fliers announcing the event.

Now, if I had been in charge of this field trip, I would have gotten a list of apartment numbers at each complex where our kids lived so that we weren't putting fliers on doors of people who had no kids at our school. Or I would have assigned certain people certain sections of each complex to go to, so that even if the wrong doors got knocked on, at least they weren't being knocked on 2 or 3 or 4 times. Or, most likely, I would have just thought of these things and not done anything, and things would have gone exactly like they did today.

The buses pulled up the first complex, teachers grabbed a handful of fliers, and we all started randomly walking around the apartments, knocking on doors. A few people did report getting yelled at by people who were awakened (hey, I would have been asleep at 9 too, if I hadn't had to report to school), and several were greeted by people in various states of undress.

I was walking around (aimlessly) with a colleague when another group of teachers called to my colleague to come see a former student. This girl had been one of MY former students the year before, so I went as well. As we walked over, I recalled that this former student, while SUPER sweet, was also the cousin of one of my worst kids from last year. This was the child that I yelled at so loud last year that the other teachers in my hall all asked about him by name.

Sure enough, as we approached, I see both the little girl and the little boy hanging out the apartment door. The little boy, A, sees me and yells, "MISTER TEACHER!!!!" and runs over to give me a big hug.

Ahhhh, short term memory.

We visited 4 apartment complexes in all, and I can say that the Disney World vacation prepared me well for this morning. Walking around in extreme heat without letting the back sweat overwhelm me.

At our third stop, after the excursion, most of us had gotten back on the bus, and we were waiting for one of the teacher's aides to come back. As she came within sight, so did a mother and her four children. We had seen several people come outside while we were around to talk to us and get fliers, so we figured this was happening again. The TA went over and handed a flier to the mother and said a few words that we couldn't hear, but we presumed pertained to Thursday night. She then turned and got on the bus.

So did 2 of the kids.

The lady wasn't out there to get a flier, she was out there to put her kids on the school bus! Our TA didn't even realize the 2 kids had followed her onto the bus until we started laughing and telling her to turn around. And the kids were just looking for an empty seat, like it was perfectly normal to see a bunch of grownups wedged into the seats.

After lunch, we blessedly stayed inside. Last year, we had done an activity where we had to choose what animal we were most like and then discuss in that group what our qualities were. Fun. I was an owl. This year, we did an activity where we had to choose what shape we were most like and then discuss in that group what our qualities were. The choices were square, circle, triangle, and squiggly line.

I put myself in the squiggly line group for no discernible reason other than that I feel I'm sometimes a bit unusual. But I soon came to the conclusion that I was in COMPLETELY the wrong group. Several of the traits that people in my group wrote were "Creative," "extroverted," and "party animal." Yeah, not really me.

I should have been in the square or triangle group, for sure.

Ah well, day 1 is done. And even if I HAD been a square, after returning to my super-heated room for a bit of arrangement definitely melted me down into a squiggly line.

Are you waiting?

A really quick question -- is anybody else having difficulty loading this page? Is it taking longer than it should?

I appreciate your feedback.

Last day of freedom

Today is my last day of not having to get up and go to work. Wow. What a great summer, but it ALWAYS seems like the summer is just not long enough.

Plus, I'm a master procrastinator, so I've only just started doing the things I should have been doing all summer.

I finally started working consistently on a sequel to Learn Me Good.

I've updated my T-shirt store. Now you can choose your color, and there are many new styles, including neon, heather, and women's cuts. Also, some pretty cool grocery totes!

I also really need to get on the ball and film a video for the song I recorded LAST YEAR. I don't want to give the whole thing away, but here's a hint: It's a parody of a pretty popular Justin Timberlake song.

I think I'm going to visit my classroom today and at least arrange the furniture the way I want it for the year, maybe get a few bulletin boards started.

But then tomorrow is going to be a lay out and read by the pool day!!!

A few questions

Here in Texas, we go back to school next week for our 5 days of teacher in-service, then the kids show up on the 23rd. That's public school, anyway. My nephew goes to private school, and they started today!

To start getting back into the swing of things, I thought I'd post an old Mr. Teacher column from Education.com that ran back in August of 2008.

This column was titled Practice Q&A.

Here in Texas, the brand new school year just started yesterday. Class has been in session for a while in a few other places, and some kids don't begin until next week, after Labor Day. Since we're all at or around the first week of school, though, I thought I'd do a small service for all the parents out there and provide a few questions that their kids might be asked, along with examples of good answers and bad answers. This way, you can prep your kids on what to expect and how to get in the teacher's good graces.

For instance, the teacher may ask your child, "What is your name?"A GOOD answer would be, "Edward," or "Donisha," or whatever your child's real name is. A BAD answer would be, "My peeps call me Mac Daddy Zeno, the Pokémon Playa!"

Another question might be, "How did you spend your summer?" A typical GOOD answer would be, "It was fun. We went to Sea World and Cici’s Pizza, and I got a new puppy!" A rather BAD answer would be, "My dad got caught trying to smuggle illegal fighting llamas into the country, so we visited him every Thursday from one to four at the Henderson County lockup. Also, my new puppy smells like paint thinner."

The teacher will probably ask, "What did you learn last year?" Your child is providing a GOOD answer if she replies, "I learned my times tables, I learned how money is made, and I know the capital of China is Beijing."Conversely, your child is giving a BAD answer if he responds, "I learned that you can jimmy the lock on a teacher's car in five seconds with clear cover and the proper equipment."

Teachers often ask if their students know their parents’ phone numbers. A GOOD response to a question like this might be, "Yes, we practice it every night in case of an emergency." A BAD response to this question might be, "Yes, but I never call that number because it's $4.99 for the first minute and $1.99 for each additional minute."

Out of concern for safety, a teacher may ask your child, "How do you get home after school?" GOOD responses to this question are, "I take the school bus," or, "My granny picks me up out front." The answer of, "My mom's friend ‘Stinky’ usually picks me up on his rusty old Yamaha. We have to share a helmet," would definitely be a BAD answer.

Of course there are many other questions that teachers will be asking their students this week and all year long. Hopefully, this little primer will help guide your efforts in getting your kids ready to put their best foot forward.

One word of advice -- I would suggest practicing these questions and answers with your kid yourself. Results might not be so good if you leave the practice up to "Uncle Stinky."

Look kids, Stonehenge!

Amazon announced a couple of days ago that they were making books on Kindle available to customers in the United Kingdom. This means that if you live in England or the surrounding countries, you can have Learn Me Good on your ereader for less than 2 pounds (or 2 quid, as the young blokes say)!

I'm not sure how much of a hassle it was for Amazon to translate Learn Me Good for the UK readers, but I have confidence that it was done right.

And just in the hopes that this will drive a lot of UK readers to my blog, I am going to throw out several relevant "hot" keywords here:

Buckingham Palace
God Save the Queen
Sean Connery
Blarney Stone
Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road
Firth of Forth
Harry Potter
The Beatles
Brigadoon
Torchwood
Fumbling Goalie

There, that should do it. Welcome UK readers! Check out Learn Me Good on your Kindle today!

A brand new carnival!

The brand spanking new first edition of the Education Buzz Carnival is up an running over at Bellringers!

This midway will undoubtedly grow over time as more people become aware and remember to send in their entries, but this first carnival is chock full of sawdusty, funnel cakey, grease painty goodness!

A few choice entries:

From Dancing Crocodile (and how can you just not love that blog on name alone?), a comparison between kids in the classroom and a pack of wild animals.

Pat (Loonhiker) ponders why kids sometimes ask questions that seem a bit. . .dopey.


I hope to have something to enter for next week! In the meantime, check out these and the other articles at Bellringers!

a swing around the web

Now that I'm back from all of my world travelling (Disney World, anyway), and school is about to start back up -- shockingly soon for some folks -- I figured I better get back into the swing of blogging on a more regular basis. Not once per week, and guest bloggers at that!

So I took a look around at some other bloggers to see what they were doing.

Carol over at My Bellringers has jump started up the old Carnival of Education. This is something that really hooked me into the "edusphere" when I first started blogging -- I even hosted a couple (this one was my fave) -- and it's a shame it's gone away. But it's super fantastic that Carol has revived it!

Happy Chyck is (morosely) realizing how soon the new year will be upon us...

Joel at SYWTT is gearing up for the new year as well, with this great guest post and THIS great guest post!

As for me, I'm busting out my copy of The Cornerstone and brushing up!

Holy cow, it's August already!!

Man, this summer has just flown by. Maybe it's because I was out of the country for a while. Then out of the state for a while. Then just out of my mind for a while. (ongoing, of course)

Yeah, me and the new misses (and the rest of my family) just got back from a 2 week vacation to Disney World yesterday. While technically not a honeymoon, we treated it as such, and broke away from the family unit pretty often. Personally, I LOVE Disney World. It really ignites the little kid that lives in my heart. I can't look at Mickey Mouse without a giant grin breaking out on my face.

And I love the rides! Though nowadays, I'd be hard pressed to answer which I love more -- the rides themselves, or the photos that are snapped midway through them.

One of my absolute favorite rides -- the Tower of Terror -- snaps a picture of the elevator occupants on one of the final drops. My brother and I must have ridden that thing a dozen times, each time coming up with some new shtick for the photo. Jazz hands. Playing dead. Fist bumping. Taking off my shoe and smelling it.

Yeah, I pity the poor soul who actually PURCHASED one of those pictures for framing at home.

And now I'm back home again, with *GASP* only two weeks of freedom left before reporting back for the new school year!

I plan on getting a jump on those remaining two weeks tomorrow, starting with sleeping in till noon.

Podcast Hero

This week's guest blogger is Emily Goll, who is the editor at the blog My Dog Ate My Blog.

The Top 10 Podcasts for Teachers

As a teacher, you face an increasingly challenging task – educating the next generation. How effective you are today may well decide how successful these young people will be tomorrow. This can be a heavy responsibility to bear. Thankfully you don’t have to go it alone.

One of the easiest, most convenient ways to connect with other educators and keep abreast of changes in the field is by listening to podcasts. Podcasts are audio and video files that can be downloaded and played back at any time. They are perfect for the daily commute or morning jog and can easily be subscribed to so you never miss a new episode.

Listed here are ten of the best podcasts for teachers. These free audio and video casts offer news, information, and advice to new teachers and seasoned professionals alike.

Teacher Created Materials:

The Teacher Created Materials Podcast will give you in-depth advice you can use in your classroom every day. From tips on building vocabulary to testing strategies, you'll have the most up to date information you need to ensure your students success.

New Teacher Know How:

This video podcast offers time proven guidance on everything from setting up your classroom space to lesson delivery and dealing with parents. LSU College of Education professor Debbie Guedry hosts the podcasts. In addition to being a certified reading specialist, Guedry has accumulated more than 4000 hours of first-year teacher observation.

Shell Education:

In these podcasts you'll find expert advice from respected authors on a variety of subjects. Each podcasts features content you can use immediately, including bonus handouts.

Middle School Matters:

This podcast brings news and relevant resources to middle school educators. Everything from politics to teaching innovations is covered here.

School of Effective Teaching:

Dr. Joseph Brown’s podcasts strives to increase student learning by training teachers to be more effective in the classroom. Dr. Brown’s advice covers a range of grade levels and can be used by nearly any educator.

New Teacher Hotline:

While it seems that new episodes are no longer being produced, the archived episodes are still an excellent resource for any new teacher. Common questions are answered and tips are given to help you avoid rookie mistakes. This podcast is a must-listen for anyone starting a career in teaching.

The Teacher’s Podcast:

Hosted by Mark Gura and Dr. Kathy King, this podcast focuses on technology in education, particularly the use of educational podcasting. Software, product reviews, and digital textbooks are also covered.

Learning Matters:

NPR Education reporter John Merrow hosts these gripping podcasts. Through captivating interviews, Merrow digs deep into the topics affecting educators today.

Science Friday:

Science Friday with host Ira Flatow is a podcast by National Public Radio. The 90-minute episodes cover everything from the solar system to gene exploration. These podcasts are a great way for science teachers to stay current with new discoveries and offer intriguing information to share with students.

60 Second Civics:

The Center for Civic Education offers teachers a unique way to pass on knowledge about our nation’s history. In just one minute a day, you’ll learn about topics ranging from the constitution to American presidents.

This post is written by Sunday O'Brien, a guest blogger from My Dog Ate My Blog. O'Brien has also written about online colleges for Guide to Online Schools.

In case you get bored...

Hello, fellow lazy summer-ers!

Today's guest post comes from Alexis Bonari, who writes for onlinedegrees.org. She writes about things for teachers to do over the summer after they got bored -- like THAT would ever happen. :)

For the Overachieving Teacher: What to Do After Having Requisite Summer Fun

School is out for the summer. The impending doom of some annoying, ill-conceived vacation or a week of going to the pool, smelling like sunscreen, getting burned anyway, and leaving peeled skin all over the deck chairs hangs in the air. Mister Overachieving Teacher shakes his head and knows that he will have to suffer through at least a week of “real vacation” time with his wife, but after that, he’s got big plans. Fun plans. Life-changing plans of immense grandeur.

Summer Vacation Doesn’t Have to Be Too Much Fun

What’s a teacher to do when he’s exhausted all of the “real vacation” possibilities? Fun in the sun isn’t usually the mantra of an entire three-month period, especially not for the overachieving teacher who gets the itch to “do something” while he’s on vacation. As it turns out, there are plenty of enriching (and even fun) activities for all of those “doer” teachers who are starting to make the beachgoers nervous.

Being an Accomplished Vacationer

ThriftyFun readers (and Mister Overachieving Teacher) recommend the following substantial activities:

1. Stop griping and start golfing. It gets the teacher outdoors, passes the time, and even offers a way to get some kind of exercise into that vacation.

2. Teachers can be students, too. Attention-grabbing community college classes like cooking, art, or computer science can be a smart way to pass the summer. Also, for the teacher who’s still finishing up a higher education degree, summer classes might be beneficial.

3. For outdoorsy types, the local Parks & Rec tends to have summer job opportunities or volunteer work that needs to be done.

4. It’s a fact: teachers love book stores. Why not keep track of any lectures happening at these favored venues?

5. Volunteer at a nursing home, homeless shelter, animal shelter, or other deserving community service institution.

6. Become a gardener and start a local plant swap group.

If golf looks like a daunting activity, the adventurous teacher may want to try disc golf. As long as there’s a course in the area and a sporting goods store that offers discs, it’s a good way to develop some arm strength for erasing those chalkboards in the fall.

Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at onlinedegrees.org, researching areas of online colleges. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.

Look inside!

A huge thank you to everyone who helped out during my Happily Wed (and Read) Ever After celebration! Learn Me Good is up to 70 reviews now, it is number 2 in the humor category based on the tags, and the sales were amazing in both Kindle and paperback.

So thank you, thank you, thank you!

I am really excited about the paperback version of Learn Me Good now costing only $11.99 -- use that saved 4 bucks to buy a personal pan pizza! Man, how 80s is that?

Also, Learn Me Good has been accepted into the Look Inside the Book program at Amazon, so people can preview a small sample before buying!

All very exciting developments!

Whiteboard Resources

Hey everyone,

My blushing bride and I got back from our honeymoon late last night (actually almost 1 this morning). It was super fantastic, and we had an amazing time. Nevertheless, I am a bit tired, so I thought I'd hand the reins off to frequent guest poster, Karen Schweitzer.

So without any further ado...

15 Whiteboard Resources for K-12 Students

There are many different games and sites online that are perfect for use with interactive whiteboards. Here are 15 that are free, fun, and educational.

Elementary Students

Tutpup - Tutpup is an award-winning site for students between the ages of 5 and 14. The site allows students to compete in fun and competitive math and spelling games with other children around the world.

Professor Garfield - Designed for students in grades K-8, the Professor Garfield website offers standards-based learning materials and fun games that work well with interactive whiteboards. Covered topics include reading, art, science, trivia, and more.

Math-A-Thon - Math-A-Thon is a volunteer-based fundraising program for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. In addition to offering students the opportunity to participate in an educational math event, the site also provides fun, math-based games that work with interactive whiteboards.

Robot Obstacle Course - The Robot Obstacle Course is an excellent game for young students. In addition to testing observational, analytical, and critical-thinking skills, the game also teaches students about elementary programming.

Thinkuknow Cyber Cafe - The goal of the interactive Thinkuknow Cyber Cafe is to teach students how to be safe online. The Cyber Cafe is designed for students between the ages of 8 and 10 and covers topics like online forums, instant messaging, and social networking.

Middle School Students

Whyville - Whyville is a virtual city designed for educational purposes. As Whyville "citizens," students can learn about art history, science, journalism, civics, economics, and much more.

Bugscope - Created by the Imaging Technology Group at the Beckman Institute at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, Bugscope gives students free interactive access to a scanning electron microscope (SEM) to study insect specimens. Before accessing the microscope, teachers must register ahead of time and make sure that students collect the bugs for examination.

Stop Disasters - The International Strategy for Disaster Reduction created this interactive disaster simulation game to teach students about natural disasters and hazards. Students must assess disaster risk, limit damage when natural disasters strike, and create a safer environment for the population. Each disaster scenario takes approximately 10 to 20 minutes to complete.

The Road to the Capitol - The Road to the Capital is a government game that teaches students about the election process. While playing the game, students must register as a candidate for congress, make campaign stops, and debate an opponent.

Stage'D - Stage'D is a free digital tool that can be used to create animated comics. After a comic is created, it can be emailed, embedded in a blog or website, or shared via social networking applications.

High School Students

FreeRice - Created by the UN World Food Program, this free trivia game allows students to make a difference in the world while they learn. For every question that is answered correctly, 10 grains of rice will be donated to hungry people. Trivia topics include English vocabulary, English grammar, Spanish, Italian, German, French, geography, chemistry, math, and famous paintings.

FreePoverty - FreePoverty is similar to FreeRice--it is a trivia game that creates donations for people in need. Instead of donating food though, this site donates cups of clean drinking water. Students can have ten cups of water donated for every geography question that is answered correctly.

Edistorm - Edistorm is a great tool for collaboration and works well with an interactive whiteboard. The free, web-based program allows users to organize ideas on an interactive brainstorming wall. Created ideas can be saved, stored, and retrieved at a later date.

Classroom Jeopardy - This free classroom tool makes it easy for teachers to create a Jeopardy-like trivia game on any topic imaginable. Each game can include 25 questions and can be created and played within minutes.

Smithsonian Virtual Museum - The Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History allows site visitors to take a panoramic virtual tour of the museum. Teachers who can't get their class to the actual museum will find this tour is a good substitute when used with an interactive whiteboard.

Guest post from education writer Karen Schweitzer. Karen is the About.com Guide to Business School. She also writes about pharmacy technician certification for PharmacyTechnicianCertification.com.

For the next 2 weeks...

Hey everyone,

As some of you may know, I am getting married on July 2nd, and so I thought that while I was occupied with everything surrounding that and while gone on my honeymoon, I would have a little promotion with Learn Me Good.

In true Velveta Cheese fashion, I'm calling it "Happily Wed (and Read) Ever After."

Starting June 28th, and going through July 12th, I am lowering the Kindle price of Learn Me Good to 99 cents. I would drop the price completely to zero, but Amazon won't let me do that.

In addition, a new publishing source has allowed me to reprice the paperback edition of Learn Me Good at $11.99 (down from $16), and that is officially in effect!

So during these 2 weeks, I am asking everyone who is willing, able, or just plain bored to please see if you can do one or more of the following things (consider it a wedding gift!):

Buy a copy of Learn Me Good – print OR Kindle
Post a review on Amazon
Go down to the Tags section at Amazon and click the boxes next to Humor, Teaching, and Education
Become a fan of Learn Me Good on Facebook
Tell at least one friend about Learn Me Good

If you have done any of these things already, I thank you immensely!!

And since I'll pretty much be out of pocket for those 2 weeks, I want to thank in advance everyone who takes part in the Happily Wed (and Read) Ever After celebration!!!

You have made a difference

Got an email the other day from Brian Asselin, who pointed me at the Youtube video for his teacher-friendly song. I took a lesson and am happy to pass this on.

Always lesson planning

Lest anyone think that my summer time table has made me a useless bum of a layabout, I would like to, in my defense, offer up some small proof that educating our nation's youth IS still a top priority on my mind.

Here are a few cases in point, wherein I am mentally planning lessons already for next year.

Capacity -- As I float casually in my condo's swimming pool, I ponder how the pool itself is a container, holding gallons (or, if you prefer, Liters) of water. How can I get the kids to remember that a swimming pool would not best be measured in cups or pints?

Elapsed Time -- This is a simple morning bell ringer. Mister Teacher goes to bed at 1:30 and gets up at 12:15. How long did he sleep? Bonus: How long will Mister Teacher be out of bed until his nap at 2:20?

Multiplication -- Going to Happy Hour with friends and enjoying a few adult beverages is not ALL about having a good time. There is preparation going on there as well. Especially if each new drink that I order has the same number of ice cubes in it or costs the same amount of money. Upper grade teachers, you can use this example to have your kids calculate a tip for the server.

Making predictions -- A great example is "What time will the mailman come today?" And "How many bills vs magazines do I think will be in today's mail?"


So you see, it's not ALL play over summer vacation. We're keeping our minds fresh and the ideas flowing. Just like those adult beverages.

Living in the Land of Procrasti

That is, the sovereign state of Procrasti. Procrasti-Nation, even.

I have been so incredibly lazy over the past 2 weeks. Sure, I've attended a staff development, I've taken care of some wedding stuff, I've cleaned up around the house. However, I keep feeling that I should be doing some writing, if not on Learn Me Gooder, then at least on SOMETHING. But I don't...

At any rate, here's something completely different...

If anybody out there subcribes to the Dish Network for their tv channels, and if you get Veria, please check out a show called Whatta Ya Think? The guide shows this coming on at 4:00 on Sat, 5:00 on Sun, and 4:30 weekdays (EST). I was ON this show, once upon a time, and they are FINALLY airing it. Of course, since I don't actually get the Dish Network, I can't watch it.

But if you do, you can keep an eye out for me. I'll be the goofy guy who laughs too much, blinks too much, and is real good at math. Oh, and I win.

If you DO happen to see me, please let me know, especially if you've recorded it. I would love to get my hands on that!

Staff Development, the First

This year, we only have to do 14 hours of staff development (or as Ed U Cater calls it -- StD) for our professional traning requirement. This equates to 2 day long seminars. I took the first one today.

This was a class on the new curriculum for the English Language Arts/Spanish Language Arts content area in Dallas. As per usual, I was bored out of my skull. The highlight of the day was a Reader's Theater acted out by 3 of my classmates, in which one of the characters talked about being bored at the training and thinking about her impending vacation to Vegas.

BTW, that Reader's Theater was written by another employee of DISD, named Ray, and I wonder if it's the Ray that sometimes reads Learn Me Good?

Don't get me wrong, as trainings go, it was not bad, and the presenters were good at what they did (aside from the first one sounding annoyingly like Harvey Firestein). I just don't get up and excited about these things like many others do, though. Some people get a little TOO excited at these events, in my opinion.

The presenter started talking about the components of the new curriculum -- online tests, boxes of novels, access to lower grade levels -- and it sounded like Oprah Winfrey's Great Giveaway show. WOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!

A few quick hits:

• Early on, the presenter made the comment, "This program is like you just bought a new horse." This made me wonder if we the teachers were going to be cleaning up a lot of shit as a result.
• One of the guided reading books on display was about Helper Monkeys. I will go on record now that this particular book will be read, aloud, every single day in my classroom.
• The word "slit" was used during the presentation, but there was no use of the word "moist." Not that these 2 words need to go together, they just generally seem to be 2 of the most hated words in the English language.
• As I flipped through the Teacher's Edition, I was accosted by multiple misspellings. I would just like to throw my hat into the ring as a potential spell-checker for new curriculums (curricula?) in the future. I would only charge a modest $5,000.
• Exactly when did "conversate" become a real word?
• Want to go online and browse through a jumbled curriculum guide? There's an app for that! Yes, there was a little pitch for using the iphone to access the CPG.
  

At least I don't have to go to another training until after I've been married, had a couple of honeymoons, and possibly a few kids.

Top 6 reasons I don't teach summer school

It's the middle of June, and I am SOO enjoying my time off. People ask me all the time if I am doing/have done/ will do summer school, and my answer is always the same. Heck no!

Here are my top 6 reasons why not:

6) I was scarred for life by Summer School, the movie, starring Marc Harmon and Kirstie Alley.

5) Summer school begins before 12:30, my daily summer wake-up time.

4) I would hate to take away the opportunity for a teacher who has worked all his/her life to get a coveted summer school position.

3) If I taught summer school, I wouldn't be able to do my yearly Australian walkabout in July.

2) I once heard that you had to wear a shirt and tie to teach summer school and that there are 35 kids per class, and there are no lunch or bathroom breaks. I made my decision based on that, and my mind can never ever be changed.

1) It just doesn't pay enough. And by "enough" I mean $3.4 million and a private jet.

Links, links, LINKS!!

It's the weekend, and it's time to catch up on a few links that people have sent me.

First up, is a game called The Wild Ride to the Heart. No, this is not like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. It looks a little more like Candyland, but with some more meaningful lessons on how to better handle emotional difficulties. This game comes from an organization called the Institute of Heartmath.

Next is a site called Teacher Voice. Teacher Voice can be viewed as either the Consumer Reports or the Girl, Don't Date Him site for schools and principals. Here, people can anonymously post their opinions about their school, their principal, or their superintendent. So far, it looks like no one has rated DISD or its superintendent, but I look forward to reading THOSE posts when they happen.

I also got a link to a fee-based math program called "Virtual Nerd." For the price of one month (roughly 50 bucks), your child received THREE months of online math tutoring to prevent the dreaded "brain drain" of summer. The downside to this program is that it appears to only be valid for grades 7-12, whereas I know my 3rd graders always come back from summer vacation and act as if their brain was a beach ball with a slow leak.

Last is a request from Brennan at Campusbookrentals.com who is trying to collect all of the best student discounts in one place. He wants your help in pointing towards any discounts and deals that you are aware of.

9 things to do over the summer

Today is officially the first day of summer vacation! Sure, we had Saturday and Sunday off, but today is the first WORK day that is not a WORK day...

Pretty much all I've done today is visit the doctor to get my twisted knee x-rayed, and played Facebook poker. But here is a handy little list of things to do if you get bored over the next few months.

1) Alphabetize something -- your comic book collection, your DVDs, your credit cards, whatever. Sing the ABC song at the top of your lungs as you do it. Bonus: Leave the windows open.

2) Try out for a reality show. When is So You Want to Be a Superhero coming back on again, anyway??

3) Try out an unusual job. If you live here in the states, hire yourself out as a rickshaw driver or a mountain guide. If you live in another country, seek employment as a naked cowboy.

4) Walk a mile in another man's shoes. I would recommend a man whose foot size is very close to your own.

5) Improve your artistic skills. Start by perfecting the circle, then replicate Guernica.

6) Prepare for the next school year. You can do this by laying out the pair of socks you plan to wear on the first day of school. Consider yourself prepared.

7) Travel. I hear Butte, Montana is lovely this time of year.

8) Every time you receive change at a restaurant, ask if they would like to donate a dollar to the ITF, or Individual Teacher Fund.

9) Get married. Well, at least that's something that I plan on doing this summer. Might not work for everyone with such short notice.

It finally arrived!!!

The last day of this seemingly-interminable year has at last arrived and passed. There were plenty of kids that I enjoyed this year, but man, am I glad it's over.

Today, the kids pretty much just played games and had fun all day. Towards the end of each class, we made a little autograph paper, and I got the kids to sign one for me as well.

It's always fun to see what the kids write. There were plenty of "Your cool" and "Best teacher ever" (ticher, techer, teachr).

One boy wrote, "Have a great wedding," which was very nice.

One boy wrote his name and then "Your best student," which was highly wishful thinking on his part.

One girl wrote, "You're the teacher I never had." Huh??

For the most part, I wrote variations of "Have a great summer!" on the kids' papers. Except for the most annoying girl in the 3rd grade. RIGHT before she handed me her paper, she told me that some boy had written something nasty on someone else's paper. So I took her paper and wrote, "Please work on tattling less this summer!"

Teacher wrap-up day is tomorrow, and then the long summer break begins! YESSSSS!!

You have a friend request

A couple of weeks ago, I received an email informing me that the Dallas Independent School District now has a Facebook page. The email ended with this statement -- "Staff are encouraged to become a fan of the official Dallas ISD Facebook page and encourage other Facebook users who may be interested to do the same."

OK, first of all, THAT'S just not gonna happen. Second of all, that email was almost immediately followed by another email reminding us that Facebook was on the banned web address list for DISD, so we would not be able to access the DISD FB page from school. We were encouraged to enjoy the page and its contents from home or a library.

However, over the past week, I have been having a bit of fun imagining what I could expect to see if I DID become a fan of DISD's Facebook page.

• DISD needs help defeating Don Ramiro in Mafia Wars! Please help by sending grenades.
• DISD is playing Fishworld and discovered this rainbow jewel-encrusted seahorse egg!
• DISD has just let 23 teachers go" (I wonder if any followers would have the balls to "like" that one).
• DISD is friends with RISD, FWISD, and LVISD -- See 148 similar stories
• DISD has sent you 1,500 poker chips!
• DISD hates TAKS!
• DISD has reached Level 15 in Farmworld! Send them a free chicken egg!

And so many, many more.

Hmmm... maybe I should become a fan after all.

Naaahhhhhh.

The Final Monday!

Yes indeedy, today was our final Monday of classes in the 2009-2010 school year. Of course, that is because we have a holiday next Monday -- Memorial Day. We unfortunately still have TWO more Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and for us teachers, Fridays.

But they should just fly right by! (insert choruses of "Yeah, right.") Tomorrow is Career Day -- which my kids see on the calendar and pronounce as one who cars -- a carrer. Wednesday is Field Day, at least the latter half of the day is. Next week is an awards day.

I was incorrect about one of my comments on the last post. I did not have 3 kids who scored a perfect 100 on their math tests. Those 3 actually missed one. Always hard to tell when the scaled score is out of like 832, and it's not liner, so each question doesn't count for the same amount of points. Oh, and apparently one only needed a 58 or so to pass the reading test this year. Wow.

We will spend a lot of our class time this week decorating our hallway for the International Festival on Friday. My kids have made hockey players (for Canada) and palace guards and bobbies for England. Currently, we're working on bulls for Spain. I showed one class a video on youtube of the running of the bulls, and they laughed and laughed whenever someone got trampled or flipped by a bull. Kids these days.

Still, as little time as we have left, I find myself jealous of teachers who are already out...

Quick hits time

Ah, so very nice to have a day off from school. Not exactly a restful day, as I spent it moving boxes and furniture out of my house and into storage and my fiance's condo. But still, nice to have the time to do that.

I played volleyball on Wednesday for the first time in months, and it was a doubleheader at that. Naturally, my whole body now feels like it's on fire. Every time I sit down, it's a struggle to stand back up. Makes moving boxes even MORE fun!

TAKS scores came in today, and they were exactly what I had been expecting. I had 8 kids that didn't pass. They weren't exactly the 8 kids that I had expected, though. 2 kids that I didn't think would pass did (nice surprise), and 2 kids that I thought WOULD pass, did not (not so nice surprise). Those 2 kids who I thought would pass, one missed passing by one question, the other missed it by two. I did have 3 kids who got a perfect score, so that's nice.

One of my favorite shows of all time ends this weekend. Lost has just had a fantastic run, full of mystery, adventure, and jaw-dropping awesomeness. I will totally be glued to the tv this Sunday. One of my favorite NEW shows, Flashforward, has already been cancelled. I honestly don't get how people don't love this show. It has a great premise, great writing, nice twists, and plenty of jaw-dropping awesomeness. Oh well, if only I could be a Nielson family.

The Learn Me Good Facebook fan page is only 5 members away from 200! Come and "Like" it if you haven't already!

Finally, we've found her calling

Last month, I posted about the Big Fat Cheater in my class -- a girl who just may as well be a piece of furniture in the room, for as much as she learns, except that a piece of furniture isn't nearly as annoying and aggravating.

This week, I've been teaching the kids long division. This is part of my "Get them introduced to a few 4th grade topics" initiatives. Some kids have really picked up on it, some kids have struggled a bit, and some kids just haven't gotten the concept at all.

Yesterday, I sat down in small groups with the kids who weren't getting it. We did lots of problems on whiteboards, first working them together, and then with me just watching and prompting. This girl, A, seemed to be catching on at the end of our time.

However, her mind is apparently like the Hatch on Lost, and nobody is there to press the button every 108 minutes to prevent memory loss (Sorry, I'm REALLY gonna miss my favorite show).

So she totally bombed the test today. 456 divided by 3 is 9,976? 381 divided by 5 is 002 with a remainder of 140?

No great surprise there.

BUT...

At recess today, I brought the football outside again and the kids clamored to play catch. When my non-academician came to play, she actually blew everyone away. She caught every ball I threw to her (and I even started moving back to throw farther passes to her), AND when she threw it back to me, the ball had a perfect spiral!

The timing is actually pretty good here, because we had to turn in our requests for certificates for our end of year awards ceremony, and my partner teacher and I have been racking our brains trying to come up with the minimum 2 awards to select for this girl. Now we at least have 1, a "Teacher's Choice" award -- Most likely to be a Dallas Cowboys middle linebacker.

No, that needs to be reworded. Maybe Best Football Passer.

Tossing the pigskin

Last Friday, I took my football outside. I haven't taken it outside at all this year. Over the past couple of years, I would take it out regularly during recess and throw it around with my kids. But last Friday was the first time I had played football with my kids this year.

It might be because I haven't felt like throwing it around with this year's students. It might be that I just haven't physically felt like throwing it around at all. It might be that I've felt the need to sit and keep an eye on the kids who have lost their recess privileges.

But I decided better late than never. And we had a lot of fun. We don't play actual football. Oh heavens no. Even "touch" football always seems to lead to the kids fighting and hitting. So basically the kids take turns trying to catch the ball when I throw it.

The thing is, they all expect me to be Tony Romo. If I don't place that throw exactly on the palms of their hands, they are most likely not going to catch it. Few of them move in any direction to get closer, and some of them even complain when it goes a little over their head or lands at their feet.

For an almost-40 year old guy who hardly ever throws a football, I think I do all right!

Friday, almost my entire class -- boys and girls -- wanted to play catch. I think that's pretty cool.

Behold the power of math

When I picked up the kids from the playground today, we had a little time on our hands as my helper ran around to open the door so we could go inside. So naturally, the kids took that opportunity to loudly pester me for my age. I refrained from answering.

Suddenly, though, one of my girls announced that she had a 36 year old sister. Seeing as how my student is 9 years old, I thought it odd that she would have a sister that old. Not entirely within the realm of impossibility, but very unlikely. So I asked her how old her mother was. She told me that her mother was 43.

I didn't want to jump to any immediate conclusions, so I asked her if she had the SAME mother as her sister, and she affirmed. I told her that her mother would have had to have had her sister at age 7 if that was the case.

Apparently, judging by her red face and her sheepish grin, she was a bit mistaken on one age or the other, I never found out which.

Ain't math great?

On another note, the Carnival of Educators is up and running (with a Mother's Day theme!) at I Want to Teach Forever. Go over and check out all the great posts!

A Lump Update

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you may remember the story of "Lump," a student that was put in my class for the last month of school two years ago. Lump had made his other teacher feel physically threatened, so he got put into my class. He then proceeded to bang his desk on the ground, whistle during class, sleep, and sometimes spontaneously leave the classroom.

It was a pretty rough month, but somehow we both made it through.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard that Lump, who is now in the 5th grade, not only passed his math TAKS, but achieved a Commended score.

I of course can't take credit for that; he's had some terrific teachers since 3rd grade. Still, it's pretty awesome to hear about a turn-around like that.

I finally saw Lump in the hallway the other day, and I stopped him to congratulate him, pump his hand, and tell him how proud I was.

Chalk that up as a success!

Top 10 ways to close out the school year

Down here in Texas, we have crested the hill as it pertains to standardized testing. Yes, there are still some kids who need to RE-take the TAKS, if they are at a grade level that requires passing. And the lower grades are taking ITBS this week. But if not now, then very soon, all teachers will be wondering the same thing -- what do I do for the rest of the year?

Allow me to make a few suggestions. Here are ten ideas for things to do for the next few weeks to keep you and your kids occupied from the morning bell till the afternoon buses leave.

10) Teach your kids Advanced Quantum Mechanics. If the kids' jaws hang open in disbelief, comment that they will comprehend THIS lesson equally as well as they have comprehended everything else this year. (Note: this requires a level of sarcasm that may elude some teachers.)

9) Ask the kids to measure the perimeter of the school -- in millimeters.

8) Have a Bill Nye the Science Guy video marathon. After that, have a Magic School Bus marathon. Then show every episode of Reading Rainbow you can get your hands on. Time allowing, screen old episodes of 3-2-1 Contact. Bonus points if your kids learn the theme song to the Bloodhound Gang before the end of the year.

7) Commit fully to physical education -- OK kids, let's see how many times we can walk around the school in 2 and a half hours! Ready? Go!

6) Give each child one volume of the encyclopedia and a spiral notebook. Ask him/her to transfer everything to the spiral notebook, including pictures. Take off points for spelling.

5) Give kids a clipboard with a new survey every morning. Their job is to survey the entire faculty and student population. Once the complaints start (from other faculty members), task the kids with creating visual presentations of the acquired data.

4) Napping contests. Whoever sleeps the longest and most silently wins a prize each day.

3) Science experiment -- How many pieces of blank white paper can you completely darken using a single crayon? Do different colors give different results?

2) If you teach a bilingual class, spend the next few weeks having THEM teach YOU their native language. Appear to grasp the vocabulary or pronunciation perfectly one day, but then forget it completely the next. EX: on Tuesday, say the Spanish word for red as "rojo." On Wednesday, insist that the Spanish word for red is "eplok."

1) Make a flier that says, "Last day of school -- May 14." Send home.

Sheer craziness

So this "plan" came down the pipeline yesterday, and was (sort of) put into effect this morning.

4 of the 3rd grade teachers were conscripted to become tutors for small groups of 5th grade students who did not pass their TAKS tests and will be making a 2nd attempt in a couple of weeks. These teachers will be upstairs with the 5th grade all day, every day, until the next TAKS.

I was in the computer lab with my class when the principal came by to announce this. I don't know if that is the reason I was not chosen to be a tutor, or if the list was already set.

This morning, 2 of the teachers began the tutoring. There were no subs to be found for the other 2 teachers, so they were still in the 3rd grade hall with us.

At around 9:10 am, one of the subs ran into my room to tell me that someone had just thrown a chair in her room. I went over, and sure enough, it was the young man I had tested one-on-one last Thursday. He assured me he had not "thrown" the chair, but rather "pushed" it. (Nevermind that he has a history of chair throwing that would make Bobby Knight proud.)

I LOVE March Madness.

May Madness, I'm not so sure about...

Ah, so THIS is why...

Let it never be said that I cannot take constructive criticism. My Publisher's Weekly review -- the one that I "earned" by making the top 250 in this year's Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award -- arrived by owl post today, and I think it just about sums up why I did not advance through to the next round.

Here it is, in its entirety:

This amusing epistolary manuscript lacks shape and any semblance of dramatic trajectory. It consists entirely of a series of emails from rookie teacher Jack Woodson to a former colleague of Jack's at Heat Pumps Unlimited, where Jack had worked as an engineer. The emails document Jack's first year teaching third grade at a public school in a low-income neighborhood in Dallas--an experience that is hilarious, frustrating, and disturbing. Among the anecdotes, a little girl asks Jack how big he is, and it turns out she is referring to his genitals; Esteban screams out his answers to questions and changes his answer every time he's asked, even if he was right the first time; precocious Ariel not only does great work, she critiques Jack's classroom management; and scary kids like Jun'tober have even scarier parents. Jack's emails are entertaining, but about a third of the way through, his relentless joking and constant pop culture references start to grate, and the reader wishes the missive would start to take a direction. Instead, he just keeps joking his way through the school year. The book gets an A for amusement, but when it comes to story or emotional resonance, it gets an "incomplete."




Hey, I never claimed that Learn Me Good had a plot. It really IS just a chronicle of a school year. There is no murder, espionage, low cunning, or even mistaken identity discovered too late. However, in my (its) defense, it was never PROVEN that Jessica actually was referring to my genitals. I'd still like to give her the benefit of that doubt.

Honestly, having written the book and knowing full well that it doesn't really have a plot, I'm quite happy to have received an A for amusement, since that was what I was really after.

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world

Now that the stress of TAKS is over, we can forget all about academic instruction for the last month.

OK, not REALLY. But with testing done, we have already been tasked to start decorating our hallway for this year's International Festival which will happen later this month.

This year, the countries we are representing are Mexico, Spain, Canada, and England. Mexico is not tough. We have a TON of kids who are either from Mexico themselves or whose parents are from there. There should be no shortage of decorative ideas to represent Mexico.

But I throw it out there to my readers for any ideas as to how to represent the other countries on our list. Flags are always easy. Coloring book pictures of Dudley Do-right for Canada? Big Maple Leafs? Crooked teeth for England? (I kid, of course.)

Please leave me a comment and tell me what you think my kids should put up out in the hallway to represent these countries.

Time to exhale

Finally, I can come up and take a breath of air. Which, ironically, is a bit tougher than normal, as I am suffering from either allergies or a cold.

But the TAKS testing is over for my kids for the year, and I think (and hope!) that they did well. They told me the next day that there were a lot of questions on the test that they knew how to do, so I take that as a good sign.

My house is sold, and I have a month to move out. Ideally, I will find a new place before then, but if not, I will just put my stuff in storage and stay with my fiance until we find a house. Selling my place was really the biggest hurdle on our list.

The wedding invitations are done and almost ready to be sent out. Thankfully, they make a nice, tasteful 61 cent stamp, and I didn't have to supplement the Forever stamp with a 17 cent goat head stamp.

The last month of the school year should be a bit more relaxing. We will introduce the kids to things they will be seeing in 4th grade, like comparing fractions, long division, and common sense.

Quick hits

Just a list of disjointed quick hits today:

TAKS reading today -- long and boring for teachers and students alike. Some of my kids found it to be too much and started acting like idiots, getting out of their seats, talking, passing things to each other when they thought the teacher wasn't looking...



That song by Kris Allen called Live Like We're Dying annoys my mathematical sensibilities. The key line in the song is "We only got eighteen, four hundred seconds in the day..." Forgetting the poor grammar, the fact that he leaves the word THOUSAND out ticks me off to no end. That's only the most important word in the number!!


My school was highlighted on the news last night. Not really a good thing.



Read most of a funny book my friend Stacy got me for my birthday. Posted about it over on the wedding blog.



I can never tell the difference between allergies and a cold. I have one or the other right now, and either way, it doesn't make me happy.


I truly enjoy my friends at school and their wittyness.

TAKS Math is down

Today really seemed like the longest TAKS day ever. Maybe it was because I feel sick. Maybe it was because the kids I was watching were all done by 11:15. Maybe it was because I knew I'd be finding out if my book made the next cut in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award.

At any rate, the first day is down. According to the teachers watching MY kids, they really tried their best. We'll see in a few weeks.

Oh, and Learn Me Good unfortunately did NOT make the top 50. Hey, we started with 5,000, and I made it down to the top 250. So that's an honor in itself. I get a Publisher's Weekly full manuscript review out of it too, so that should be appearing in the next week or so.

Plus, I have another long day tomorrow to look forward to!

T Minus 1

To paraphrase Jack Bauer -- this week is going to be the longest week of my life...

TAKS week is finally upon us. Today was actually the easy day. Tomorrow and Wednesday are all day testing -- standing and walking around the room, watching kids take a test. Thursday will be something new for me. I am giving a test one-on-one to a kid. This kid is special ed and requires the test to be read to him, and I volunteered to do it because this kid also comes from a culture that does not promote respect to women. He is HORRIBLE for his 3 teachers (all women), but when he gets put in my room for time-out or to finish a test, he is usually no problem for me. So I stepped up to administer this test. At least I'll get to sit down.

Today was pretty nice. After full-on review all of last week, today we just did a few morning math problems and then some fun and relaxing stuff. We measured how tall everybody was, for a reference point to help with any height questions that may arise. Everybody stood on a scale to get a reference point for any weight problem that may arise. Then we had a bull session about the test. The kids asked questions and I answered. All capped off with the fan favorite -- Math Quiz Game Show.

Now I can only keep my fingers crossed that they play the way we've practiced.

Covering up the mess

It seemed to take forever this year to get to the point of TAKS testing. Possibly because this is the first year that we haven't done the reading TAKS first (in March). I think that my kids are as ready as they are going to be, though. I estimate about 7 will not pass, but the others should do well, and hopefully some of those 7 will surprise me.

Of course, we still have to jump through the usual hoops of covering up everything in our rooms, etc. Figured now was as good a time as any to revisit this gem. My (never sent and never to be sent) letter to downtown...

Dear District Personnel:

I began covering aspects of my room today, per instructions for TAKS administrations, but I have begun to realize how futile my efforts are. You see, if I am to remove all the visual aids that might unfairly help my kids during the test, it's not enough for me to merely place construction paper over my number line (so that the kids will not be able to look up and see what number comes after 42) or over my Word Wall (so that the kids will not be reminded of the proper spelling of the word "cylinder" -- even though any question relating to a cylinder will already have the word right there).

Verily, even covering up my Classroom Rules, which, granted, ARE mathematically numbered from one to five, or covering up my cursive alphabet strips (I guess so that kids will remember to PRINT their extra work, instead of handwriting it?) is not sufficient!

You see, there are many more things in the classroom environment that might help them on the test. For instance, a child may glance up from his/her exam and notice the shades on the windows. The shades can be pulled up or pulled down, and thinking about these options might remind the child of estimation, where they are required to round up and round down. These shades will need to be removed immediately. Also, the ceiling tiles in my classroom are square in shape AND are arranged in a geometric pattern. I would absolutely hate for a test monitor to enter my room and see how easily a student could be reminded of such topics by simply looking up. I would like to request that my ceiling be removed before the test tomorrow, or at the very least, that a large tarp is provided to cover the tiles.

My third graders go to lunch every day at the same time. They already know when lunch will be served, and they will be constantly thinking throughout the day about how much time they have left until lunch! Do you agree with me that this is a constant reminder of elapsed time? I suggest that no lunch is served on TAKS days, or if that is not possible, that the time to eat is chosen completely at random. Maybe they'll eat at 8:43, maybe they'll eat at 1:59. Oh, and we should also send the kids home at separate times; perhaps some sort of lottery system could be put into play?

Earlier in the year, when we talked about measurement and units of length, we associated each unit of length with a part of the body. An inch is about the length from the tip of the thumb to the first knuckle. A foot is about the length from the elbow to the wrist. I am sad to report that all of the children in my class this year are in possession of thumbs, elbows, and wrists, and this will undoubtedly assist these children in any measurement questions that might arise on the TAKS. I feel that the child's OWN body parts are acceptable help, but other children in the room will be unacceptable visual reminders. Therefore, we will need to administer the TAKS to each child separately, with no other human beings in the room.

Actually, it occurs to me that the classroom itself is a rectangular prism. What can we do about putting each child into an amorphous physical structure?

Thanks for taking all of these things into consideration. If you could have some answers back to me by tomorrow morning, I would greatly appreciate it. Otherwise, will have to implement these things next year.

Your loyal servant,

Mister Teacher

Well that's just great

I don't want to go into any details here, but the sad fact is that I am directly involved in my district's latest financial snafu. Through absolutely no fault of my own, things have happened with my paycheck that now need to be fixed, despite being a colossal mess.

I got a letter yesterday that had the superintendent's seal, that basically said, you need to contact payroll to get this resolved. Way to put the ball in MY court instead of taking responsibility. In addition, I apparently have to look up payroll's contact information myself, since no phone number, email address, fax, etc was included.

Gotta love the personal touch.

Top 10 Rejected Meanings of TAKS

This is an excerpt from a guest post that originally appeared on So You Want to Teach on January 25, 2008.

The timing seems just about right.

TAKS stands for the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills, but my understanding is that that was not the original acronym.

Without further ado, here are The Top Ten Rejected Meanings of TAKS:

10) Texas Accepts Kids’ Suffering
9) That Aggravating Kidney Stone
8) Teachers against Knuckle Sandwiches
7) This Ain’t Kansas, Scarecrow
6) Talking About Kama Sutra
5) Testing All Kids Simultaneously
4) Throw Away Knowledge, Sonny
3) Think Again, Kindergarten Students
2) Take Another Kid’s Sanity
1) This Assessment Kinda Sucks

hot and cold

Today, I walked into my classroom and immediately noticed that it was hot and stuffy. So, since the maintenance men came in and fixed the A/C unit last Friday, I went to turn it on to provide a blast of cool air for the room.

Instead, I nearly suffocated as a furnace of hot air erupted out of the vents. Having actually moved the temperature in my room UP a few degrees, I stopped our head custodian as soon as I saw him walk by my room.

I told him what had happened, and he said yeah, they turned the heat on downtown instead of the a/c. "Downtown" controls what comes out of my vents, and since it was 52 degrees outside, they decided that the heat should be on. Nevermind the fact that my room is not OUTside...

Free shipping!

I have just been presented with a coupon code that reduces shipping on orders of Learn Me Good from lulu.com -- from $3.99 to $0.00!!

Just enter coupon code FREEMAIL305. This coupon is good for the month of April.

Also, if you haven't already joined the Learn Me Good fan page on Facebook, now's your chance!

Big fat cheater

Yesterday, one of my little girls made me so mad. This is a girl that has been a headache all year long. She bullies other kids, she copies, she tattles, she disobeys, she talks when she shouldn't, she pretends to read when she should be reading, and she is way more concerned with what the people around her are doing than what SHE should be doing.

Yesterday after lunch, I sat in on an SST (Student Support Team) meeting where the focus was this girl. Her mom was even there, talking about the problems the girl is having.

When I got back to class, the TA had gotten the kids started on their math test. Shortly after I had returned, I caught this same little girl cheating!!! She was trying to sneak glances at her multiplication tables inside her desk!!

This little girl is no lightweight, and it took every ounce of my willpower NOT to call her a big fat cheater (though all 3 parts definitely apply). Instead, I left out the word "fat" as I sent her to the corner.

UGH!! Makes me so mad that the adults in her life are trying to help her, and she doesn't want to put any effort into anything other than trying to be sneaky.

It's in the bag

Loyal FoLMeG Katie recently brought my attention to the fact that she has entered a design in Kroger's "Design a Reusable Bag" contest, and she needs votes!

So I'm asking everyone to go over, check out her bag -- pretty cool, eh? -- and cast a vote! And then go back again the next day and vote again!

B is for Bribery

Just under 2 weeks till TAKS. I wonder if it's too late to start the bribery.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been attempting bribery for months, but I wonder if it's too late to actually start promising to write blank checks to kids who otherwise seem to have no chance of passing. Kids that just MIGHT (on the very mightest edge of the might scale) pass if they took all 7 hours and perused carefully over every question, but who more probably will grab numbers out of word problems and do ungodly things with them. Kids who will say that 8/3 of the balloons are shaded. Kids who will choose "Not here" any and every time that option is presented.

2 more weeks. Are there enough Hot Cheetos in the world to bribe these kids?

Acts of Vengucation

Back in the day, I used to be an avid comic book collector. Last week? No, I'm talking about when I was in high school. Instead of dating, I had my superhero stories. Worked out ok in the end.

One of the cross-over storylines that I remember most was called Acts of Vengeance. This mult-part event involved Spiderman, Iron Man, The Avengers, and many other of Marvel's heroes. In a nutshell, 5 or 6 of the top villains got together and decided that they were tired of constantly getting beaten up by their archnemeses. Spidey knew all of Green Goblin's moves, so he could always defeat him. The Fantastic Four had faced Dr. Doom so often, they could handle him without issue.

So the villains decided that they should swap dance partners to defeat the heroes. Magneto would pick a fight with Ironman, who had never fought him before. And why they never thought of THAT one before, who knows. etc, etc

Did I lose you yet? Thankfully, I know Joel, Chad, and Ed u Cater sometimes read this blog and at least know what I'm talking about...

I was thinking a few weeks ago how possibly this strategy might work for us at school. One of my teaching partners is having trouble with some of her kids. They are used to her, but what if I came in and worked with them? Basically doing the same things they've already heard in class, but coming from a different voice.

A 4th grade teacher comes occasionally to MY room to work with a couple of my lower kids with the same intent.

The problem seems to be that these kids, who seem totally clueless, in class and on tests, seem to know what they're doing with the new tutor.

I have worked with Mrs. Math's kids a couple of times now. She told me that these kids do not know how to regroup when they subtract. That they always forget to regroup, or that they do it the wrong way. Yet when I sit them down and give them a few problems to work, they do it just fine with no prompting from me!

I mean, there are slight issues, but overall, if I didn't know any better, I would say these kids know how to regroup!

Sounds like good news on the surface -- these kids HAVE been listening! They DO know how to subtract! But the fact is that they still are not doing it when it counts -- in class, on homeworks, on tests.

That can be very frustrating for the teacher of record.

Maybe I just need to sic Dr. Doom on them and see how they regroup...

Not your usual Easter plans

Last Thursday, I gave my kids a Quick Write assignment where the prompt was "What are your plans for this Sunday?" We talked about how Sunday was Easter, so if they had Easter plans, that was what I wanted them to write about, and if they didn't celebrate Easter, then they should just write about what they would do on a normal Sunday.

Some of the results were pretty amusing.

From one kid saying that, as usual, he would top the day by seeing a scary movie, to a girl talking about Easter dinner at the Chinese food restaraunt, one stood head and shoulders above the rest.

One of my really good writers, very articulate, wrote about how he would be going to his cousins' house, and they had asked him to be the bunny rabbit. He hoped that they would not beat him with a stick. Last year, when he was Santa Claus, he got beat up by some 1st graders, and got away just before they started throwing rocks at him.

Not really sure how much of that is fact and how much is fiction, but I found it a very interesting tale nonetheless.

Thank you, Coach K!

In regards, to my early posting from about a month ago...

Coach K, you have come through in stellar fashion. Going above and beyond my request (I did, after all, only ask that you make it to the Final Four), you have given us our 4th National Championship.

Thank you!!

And Chad, who posted this:

"Don't you think you're asking a bit too much here? Dook to get to the Final Four? Why not ask for mandatory state testing to go away or for all of your students to enter you classroom each year reading at grade level. I'm trying to remember the last team from Tobacco Road to win a title? Oh yeah, Carolina last year. How about the team before that? Oh yeah, The Heels again in 2005. Perhaps Duke will someday regain their glory and you will be happy. I just hope it's not this year...or next....or next..."

Now it will be much easier for you to remember the Tobacco Road champion. Duke.

All of my kids at grade level... don't be ridiculous...

"Reasonable" Math Problems

Here is the post that showed up on I Want to Teach Forever on April Fool's Day, reposted in its entirety here:

As I mentioned the other day, we have dived in headfirst to the "tough stuff" of the 3rd grade curriculum. Word problems, 2-step problems, and now, "Reasonable" problems. It's pretty ironic, but even with 4 years of high school math under my belt, 3 ½ years of college math and engineering, and 2 years of graduate school math and engineering, I had NEVER come across this type of math problem in my life until I started teaching 3rd grade.

Here's a typical problem:

Mr. Sutton buys 4 tools at the hardware store. The least expensive tool is $10, and the most expensive tool is $20. What is a reasonable total for all 4 tools?

In my opinion, Mr. Sutton should look at his receipt and find the exact prices of each tool and add them, or at least round them and add. This lowest and highest deal is silly. Yet teach it we must.

Oh, and there's also a second kind of reasonable question.

Suzy the Squirrel can bury 3 to 5 nuts every day. How many days will it take her to bury 40 nuts?

Nevermind the fact that I always have to stop and deal with giggle fits every year when we do this problem in class (the kids giggle, too. NUTS!), but I think this kind is more difficult than the first because it requires something beyond just adding to find a total.

Speaking of unreasonableness, I have been working on getting my honeymoon booked. My fiancé and I have decided upon Turks and Caicos (mostly just because it is incredibly fun to say), and a 5 night stay at an all-inclusive resort there. However, the airfare is redonkulous!! Almost 700 bucks per person! Of course, if it was some of my kids charging me airfare, it wouldn't be so bad, because 2 people at 700 dollars each would only be 702 dollars. Possibly even 698 dollars. However, in the real world, it's so much more than that.

Ideally, my book would win the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Contest and the $15,000 prize that goes along with it. Realistically, though, that's probably not going to happen. Any chance everyone could encourage their friends and neighbors to buy a couple of copies of Learn Me Good? On the Kindle even?

Coach K has already come through and delivered on my request. Somehow I doubt he's going to come to the wedding, but at least he gave me my early present.

Is it still "reasonable" to think that Duke can win it all?

OK, so I don't teach Kindergarten

OK, ok, so a few of you caught on (those of you actually reading this blog, that is) to my little April Fool's prank. And ok, ok, so it's pretty much the same thing I did last year. But it seemed fun last year, so why not try it again?

Several years ago, artists of various comic strips in the newspaper switched places and drew each other's strips on April 1st. The Dilbert guy drew Garfield. The Garfield guy drew Rose is Rose. The Rose is Rose guy drew Foxtrot. Etc. I loved it. I wish they would do it every year.

It inspired me to try the same thing here with a few blogs. So a few of us switched places for the day. If you read my post yesterday and were wondering why I seemed so chippy and talking about kindergarteners--ACTUAL kindergarteners, not just kids who ACT like kindergarteners--then know this. It weren't me! Yesterday's post was written by Halpey of Look at my Happy Rainbow!

MY post, continuing the topic of Reasonableness (and un) can be found at Mr. D's blog, I Want to Teach Forever (FAME!) Definitely worth checking out! You can also read my honeymoon plea!

Here's the entire list of April Fools:

I posted "Reasonable" Math Problems at I Want to Teach Forever.

Mr. D posted Use a Dartboard to Review Geometry and Probability at Mrs. Bluebird's Classroom.

Mrs. Bluebird posted Molly the Manager at Successful Teaching.

Loonyhiker posted Looks aren't Everything at Scheiss Weekly.

Mamacita posted "Adult" means "Dirty" at Look at My Happy Rainbow!

Halpey posted Q is for Quickie Mart Clerk? here on Learn Me Good.

Hope you enjoyed this fun little activity! If you did, please leave a comment or two!

Oh, and in honor of the month of April and the Fools that go with it, I am offering the Kindle version of Learn Me Good for the (foolishly?) low price of $1.99! Download yours now!

Q is for... Quickie Mart Clerk?

One of our daily activities is drilling all the letters and sounds… in an effort to spice up this monotonous routine, I found some occupation cards to use. Each card has the letter of the alphabet prominently displayed and a picture of a corresponding profession. We say the letter, the sound, and finally the name of the occupation. “A, /a/, astronaut, B, /b/, baker, C, /k/, construction worker," etc.

In an effort to engage my sprouts, I have them sign ‘me too’ when we get to a job they think they might like when they grow up. I’m always amused at which jobs are most popular.

After explaining what an E, /e/, engineer was, many fancied that line of work. I have quite a few girls who thought nothing would be more fulfilling than H, /h/, hairdresser. I’m always happy that R, /r/ rock star isn’t all the rage… the media hasn’t influenced my kindergartners yet. Only one girl wanted to be a Q, /q/, queen… after the activity one day, she came up and whispered in my ear, “a princess gets to become a queen someday…”

When we get to T, /t/, teacher, they all point to me smiling. Naturally, most of them want to be a T, /t/ teacher and that is the greatest reward I could wish for. Who wouldn’t want to spend their day singing, be showered in hugs, practice magic, help children learn to zip their coats, or wear paper hats at work. Teaching kindergarten has made me a better man… I can’t think of anything I’d rather be… not even a K, /k/, karate instructor.