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Saturday, August 09, 2008

Encore presentation of a Welcome Letter

For the past month or so, I've noticed through my stat tracker, that a LOT of my hits to this blog are coming from people doing a search on "Welcome Letter to Parents" or some variation on that theme.

So for their benefit, as well as anyone who may not have read it the first time, I thought I'd repost the welcome letter that I wrote around this time last year. Tongue-in-cheek, of course, but you might be surprised at how often some of these issues come up...

*From Aug 25, 2007:

Dear parents/guardians/cousin Larry,

Welcome to the beginning of another super fantastic year! We are very excited to have your son/daughter/spawn in our class this year! We are looking forward to a year full of learning, growth, and development -- and hopefully NOT full of termites like last year. Whoops!

As a third grader, your child will be taking the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills (TAKS) for the first time. Except for Pietro, who's an old hand at the state standardized test. Here's hoping the 10th time's a charm, Pietro! But for most of the rest of your kids, they will learn firsthand this year about subjective exams and arbitrary passing rates!

It's going to be a challenging year for all of us, so we appreciate all your help. Here are a few friendly reminders to help us all get through the year:

  • When you drop your kids off in the morning, be sure to actually stop the car before they get out

  • Remember that school starts promptly at 8:00, and your child should be in his/her seat, ready to work when the bell rings. Please do NOT set your alarm clock for 7:55 and expect to get here in time for your child to have breakfast.

  • Students are to come to school every day with at least one sharpened pencil. If you can afford a PS3 and WWE Pay-Per-Views every other weekend, I'm sure you can afford a couple of lousy pencils.

  • Homework is to be done tonight it is assigned -- BY THE CHILDREN! We know that you mean well, but you're really not helping if you don't know your long division from your lines of symmetry. (You know who you are)

  • Let's agree that a 2-pound bag of Hot Cheetos and a liter of Dr Pepper does not constitute a healthy lunch.

  • Dogfighting, convenience store robbery, and "making it rain" will not be tolerated. In other words, don't let your child emulate a professional football player.

  • Please make sure your son or daughter uses the restroom before they leave your home, and do not send them with a 2-gallon bottle of water. Once they are in the classroom, to paraphrase the current California Governator in Kindergarten Cop -- THERE IS NO BATHROOM!!

Let's make this a great year! Only you can prevent forest fires! They'll never take our freedom! Remember the Alamo! (Insert your own encouraging catchphrase here)!!
See you on Monday!


Mister Teacher


Melissa B. said...

Only YOU can prevent FOREST FIRES! I'm TOTALLY going to steal this. Thanks for giving me a chuckle this evening! BTW, come join the fun for the Silly Summer Sunday Sweepstakes. Come share the Caption Love with us--we've got a good one this week!

Anonymous said...

Makin it rain??? LOL gotta love educators for keeping up with the slang of today. LOL that was toooooooooo funny. ***Mother of a soon to be 6th grader and sophmore in DISD and alumni of DISD class 1988

Mister Teacher said...

Feel free to steal it, Melissa, I recyled it. :)

Anonymous mother of a 6th grader...
That was even BEFORE "Pacman" was a member of the Cowboys!!

VeganCowGirl said...


Anonymous said...

As an educator, I was appauled that an administrator would include a comment such as "Dogfighting, convenience store robbery, and "making it rain" will not be tolerated. In other words, don't let your child emulate a professional football player." Some things go without saying. Even if there are etudents who behave in this manner, I think there is a much better way of addressing in appropriate behavior, and including ignorant, stereotypical comments is not it. Besides, before you write comments, you should learn to spell. Dog fighting is two words, not one.

Mister Teacher said...

anonymous, please lighten up. No administrator wrote this message, it was a totally tongue-in-cheek blog post that I came up with myself and have never sent to any parents and/or students.
And before you talk about spelling, you might want to check your own first. "Appauled??" "etudents??"

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious! I wish I could send this letter home to parents.