Top 6 reasons I don't teach summer school

It's the middle of June, and I am SOO enjoying my time off. People ask me all the time if I am doing/have done/ will do summer school, and my answer is always the same. Heck no!

Here are my top 6 reasons why not:

6) I was scarred for life by Summer School, the movie, starring Marc Harmon and Kirstie Alley.

5) Summer school begins before 12:30, my daily summer wake-up time.

4) I would hate to take away the opportunity for a teacher who has worked all his/her life to get a coveted summer school position.

3) If I taught summer school, I wouldn't be able to do my yearly Australian walkabout in July.

2) I once heard that you had to wear a shirt and tie to teach summer school and that there are 35 kids per class, and there are no lunch or bathroom breaks. I made my decision based on that, and my mind can never ever be changed.

1) It just doesn't pay enough. And by "enough" I mean $3.4 million and a private jet.

Links, links, LINKS!!

It's the weekend, and it's time to catch up on a few links that people have sent me.

First up, is a game called The Wild Ride to the Heart. No, this is not like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. It looks a little more like Candyland, but with some more meaningful lessons on how to better handle emotional difficulties. This game comes from an organization called the Institute of Heartmath.

Next is a site called Teacher Voice. Teacher Voice can be viewed as either the Consumer Reports or the Girl, Don't Date Him site for schools and principals. Here, people can anonymously post their opinions about their school, their principal, or their superintendent. So far, it looks like no one has rated DISD or its superintendent, but I look forward to reading THOSE posts when they happen.

I also got a link to a fee-based math program called "Virtual Nerd." For the price of one month (roughly 50 bucks), your child received THREE months of online math tutoring to prevent the dreaded "brain drain" of summer. The downside to this program is that it appears to only be valid for grades 7-12, whereas I know my 3rd graders always come back from summer vacation and act as if their brain was a beach ball with a slow leak.

Last is a request from Brennan at Campusbookrentals.com who is trying to collect all of the best student discounts in one place. He wants your help in pointing towards any discounts and deals that you are aware of.

9 things to do over the summer

Today is officially the first day of summer vacation! Sure, we had Saturday and Sunday off, but today is the first WORK day that is not a WORK day...

Pretty much all I've done today is visit the doctor to get my twisted knee x-rayed, and played Facebook poker. But here is a handy little list of things to do if you get bored over the next few months.

1) Alphabetize something -- your comic book collection, your DVDs, your credit cards, whatever. Sing the ABC song at the top of your lungs as you do it. Bonus: Leave the windows open.

2) Try out for a reality show. When is So You Want to Be a Superhero coming back on again, anyway??

3) Try out an unusual job. If you live here in the states, hire yourself out as a rickshaw driver or a mountain guide. If you live in another country, seek employment as a naked cowboy.

4) Walk a mile in another man's shoes. I would recommend a man whose foot size is very close to your own.

5) Improve your artistic skills. Start by perfecting the circle, then replicate Guernica.

6) Prepare for the next school year. You can do this by laying out the pair of socks you plan to wear on the first day of school. Consider yourself prepared.

7) Travel. I hear Butte, Montana is lovely this time of year.

8) Every time you receive change at a restaurant, ask if they would like to donate a dollar to the ITF, or Individual Teacher Fund.

9) Get married. Well, at least that's something that I plan on doing this summer. Might not work for everyone with such short notice.

It finally arrived!!!

The last day of this seemingly-interminable year has at last arrived and passed. There were plenty of kids that I enjoyed this year, but man, am I glad it's over.

Today, the kids pretty much just played games and had fun all day. Towards the end of each class, we made a little autograph paper, and I got the kids to sign one for me as well.

It's always fun to see what the kids write. There were plenty of "Your cool" and "Best teacher ever" (ticher, techer, teachr).

One boy wrote, "Have a great wedding," which was very nice.

One boy wrote his name and then "Your best student," which was highly wishful thinking on his part.

One girl wrote, "You're the teacher I never had." Huh??

For the most part, I wrote variations of "Have a great summer!" on the kids' papers. Except for the most annoying girl in the 3rd grade. RIGHT before she handed me her paper, she told me that some boy had written something nasty on someone else's paper. So I took her paper and wrote, "Please work on tattling less this summer!"

Teacher wrap-up day is tomorrow, and then the long summer break begins! YESSSSS!!

You have a friend request

A couple of weeks ago, I received an email informing me that the Dallas Independent School District now has a Facebook page. The email ended with this statement -- "Staff are encouraged to become a fan of the official Dallas ISD Facebook page and encourage other Facebook users who may be interested to do the same."

OK, first of all, THAT'S just not gonna happen. Second of all, that email was almost immediately followed by another email reminding us that Facebook was on the banned web address list for DISD, so we would not be able to access the DISD FB page from school. We were encouraged to enjoy the page and its contents from home or a library.

However, over the past week, I have been having a bit of fun imagining what I could expect to see if I DID become a fan of DISD's Facebook page.

• DISD needs help defeating Don Ramiro in Mafia Wars! Please help by sending grenades.
• DISD is playing Fishworld and discovered this rainbow jewel-encrusted seahorse egg!
• DISD has just let 23 teachers go" (I wonder if any followers would have the balls to "like" that one).
• DISD is friends with RISD, FWISD, and LVISD -- See 148 similar stories
• DISD has sent you 1,500 poker chips!
• DISD hates TAKS!
• DISD has reached Level 15 in Farmworld! Send them a free chicken egg!

And so many, many more.

Hmmm... maybe I should become a fan after all.

Naaahhhhhh.

The Final Monday!

Yes indeedy, today was our final Monday of classes in the 2009-2010 school year. Of course, that is because we have a holiday next Monday -- Memorial Day. We unfortunately still have TWO more Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and for us teachers, Fridays.

But they should just fly right by! (insert choruses of "Yeah, right.") Tomorrow is Career Day -- which my kids see on the calendar and pronounce as one who cars -- a carrer. Wednesday is Field Day, at least the latter half of the day is. Next week is an awards day.

I was incorrect about one of my comments on the last post. I did not have 3 kids who scored a perfect 100 on their math tests. Those 3 actually missed one. Always hard to tell when the scaled score is out of like 832, and it's not liner, so each question doesn't count for the same amount of points. Oh, and apparently one only needed a 58 or so to pass the reading test this year. Wow.

We will spend a lot of our class time this week decorating our hallway for the International Festival on Friday. My kids have made hockey players (for Canada) and palace guards and bobbies for England. Currently, we're working on bulls for Spain. I showed one class a video on youtube of the running of the bulls, and they laughed and laughed whenever someone got trampled or flipped by a bull. Kids these days.

Still, as little time as we have left, I find myself jealous of teachers who are already out...

Quick hits time

Ah, so very nice to have a day off from school. Not exactly a restful day, as I spent it moving boxes and furniture out of my house and into storage and my fiance's condo. But still, nice to have the time to do that.

I played volleyball on Wednesday for the first time in months, and it was a doubleheader at that. Naturally, my whole body now feels like it's on fire. Every time I sit down, it's a struggle to stand back up. Makes moving boxes even MORE fun!

TAKS scores came in today, and they were exactly what I had been expecting. I had 8 kids that didn't pass. They weren't exactly the 8 kids that I had expected, though. 2 kids that I didn't think would pass did (nice surprise), and 2 kids that I thought WOULD pass, did not (not so nice surprise). Those 2 kids who I thought would pass, one missed passing by one question, the other missed it by two. I did have 3 kids who got a perfect score, so that's nice.

One of my favorite shows of all time ends this weekend. Lost has just had a fantastic run, full of mystery, adventure, and jaw-dropping awesomeness. I will totally be glued to the tv this Sunday. One of my favorite NEW shows, Flashforward, has already been cancelled. I honestly don't get how people don't love this show. It has a great premise, great writing, nice twists, and plenty of jaw-dropping awesomeness. Oh well, if only I could be a Nielson family.

The Learn Me Good Facebook fan page is only 5 members away from 200! Come and "Like" it if you haven't already!

Finally, we've found her calling

Last month, I posted about the Big Fat Cheater in my class -- a girl who just may as well be a piece of furniture in the room, for as much as she learns, except that a piece of furniture isn't nearly as annoying and aggravating.

This week, I've been teaching the kids long division. This is part of my "Get them introduced to a few 4th grade topics" initiatives. Some kids have really picked up on it, some kids have struggled a bit, and some kids just haven't gotten the concept at all.

Yesterday, I sat down in small groups with the kids who weren't getting it. We did lots of problems on whiteboards, first working them together, and then with me just watching and prompting. This girl, A, seemed to be catching on at the end of our time.

However, her mind is apparently like the Hatch on Lost, and nobody is there to press the button every 108 minutes to prevent memory loss (Sorry, I'm REALLY gonna miss my favorite show).

So she totally bombed the test today. 456 divided by 3 is 9,976? 381 divided by 5 is 002 with a remainder of 140?

No great surprise there.

BUT...

At recess today, I brought the football outside again and the kids clamored to play catch. When my non-academician came to play, she actually blew everyone away. She caught every ball I threw to her (and I even started moving back to throw farther passes to her), AND when she threw it back to me, the ball had a perfect spiral!

The timing is actually pretty good here, because we had to turn in our requests for certificates for our end of year awards ceremony, and my partner teacher and I have been racking our brains trying to come up with the minimum 2 awards to select for this girl. Now we at least have 1, a "Teacher's Choice" award -- Most likely to be a Dallas Cowboys middle linebacker.

No, that needs to be reworded. Maybe Best Football Passer.

Tossing the pigskin

Last Friday, I took my football outside. I haven't taken it outside at all this year. Over the past couple of years, I would take it out regularly during recess and throw it around with my kids. But last Friday was the first time I had played football with my kids this year.

It might be because I haven't felt like throwing it around with this year's students. It might be that I just haven't physically felt like throwing it around at all. It might be that I've felt the need to sit and keep an eye on the kids who have lost their recess privileges.

But I decided better late than never. And we had a lot of fun. We don't play actual football. Oh heavens no. Even "touch" football always seems to lead to the kids fighting and hitting. So basically the kids take turns trying to catch the ball when I throw it.

The thing is, they all expect me to be Tony Romo. If I don't place that throw exactly on the palms of their hands, they are most likely not going to catch it. Few of them move in any direction to get closer, and some of them even complain when it goes a little over their head or lands at their feet.

For an almost-40 year old guy who hardly ever throws a football, I think I do all right!

Friday, almost my entire class -- boys and girls -- wanted to play catch. I think that's pretty cool.

Behold the power of math

When I picked up the kids from the playground today, we had a little time on our hands as my helper ran around to open the door so we could go inside. So naturally, the kids took that opportunity to loudly pester me for my age. I refrained from answering.

Suddenly, though, one of my girls announced that she had a 36 year old sister. Seeing as how my student is 9 years old, I thought it odd that she would have a sister that old. Not entirely within the realm of impossibility, but very unlikely. So I asked her how old her mother was. She told me that her mother was 43.

I didn't want to jump to any immediate conclusions, so I asked her if she had the SAME mother as her sister, and she affirmed. I told her that her mother would have had to have had her sister at age 7 if that was the case.

Apparently, judging by her red face and her sheepish grin, she was a bit mistaken on one age or the other, I never found out which.

Ain't math great?

On another note, the Carnival of Educators is up and running (with a Mother's Day theme!) at I Want to Teach Forever. Go over and check out all the great posts!

A Lump Update

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you may remember the story of "Lump," a student that was put in my class for the last month of school two years ago. Lump had made his other teacher feel physically threatened, so he got put into my class. He then proceeded to bang his desk on the ground, whistle during class, sleep, and sometimes spontaneously leave the classroom.

It was a pretty rough month, but somehow we both made it through.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard that Lump, who is now in the 5th grade, not only passed his math TAKS, but achieved a Commended score.

I of course can't take credit for that; he's had some terrific teachers since 3rd grade. Still, it's pretty awesome to hear about a turn-around like that.

I finally saw Lump in the hallway the other day, and I stopped him to congratulate him, pump his hand, and tell him how proud I was.

Chalk that up as a success!

Top 10 ways to close out the school year

Down here in Texas, we have crested the hill as it pertains to standardized testing. Yes, there are still some kids who need to RE-take the TAKS, if they are at a grade level that requires passing. And the lower grades are taking ITBS this week. But if not now, then very soon, all teachers will be wondering the same thing -- what do I do for the rest of the year?

Allow me to make a few suggestions. Here are ten ideas for things to do for the next few weeks to keep you and your kids occupied from the morning bell till the afternoon buses leave.

10) Teach your kids Advanced Quantum Mechanics. If the kids' jaws hang open in disbelief, comment that they will comprehend THIS lesson equally as well as they have comprehended everything else this year. (Note: this requires a level of sarcasm that may elude some teachers.)

9) Ask the kids to measure the perimeter of the school -- in millimeters.

8) Have a Bill Nye the Science Guy video marathon. After that, have a Magic School Bus marathon. Then show every episode of Reading Rainbow you can get your hands on. Time allowing, screen old episodes of 3-2-1 Contact. Bonus points if your kids learn the theme song to the Bloodhound Gang before the end of the year.

7) Commit fully to physical education -- OK kids, let's see how many times we can walk around the school in 2 and a half hours! Ready? Go!

6) Give each child one volume of the encyclopedia and a spiral notebook. Ask him/her to transfer everything to the spiral notebook, including pictures. Take off points for spelling.

5) Give kids a clipboard with a new survey every morning. Their job is to survey the entire faculty and student population. Once the complaints start (from other faculty members), task the kids with creating visual presentations of the acquired data.

4) Napping contests. Whoever sleeps the longest and most silently wins a prize each day.

3) Science experiment -- How many pieces of blank white paper can you completely darken using a single crayon? Do different colors give different results?

2) If you teach a bilingual class, spend the next few weeks having THEM teach YOU their native language. Appear to grasp the vocabulary or pronunciation perfectly one day, but then forget it completely the next. EX: on Tuesday, say the Spanish word for red as "rojo." On Wednesday, insist that the Spanish word for red is "eplok."

1) Make a flier that says, "Last day of school -- May 14." Send home.

Sheer craziness

So this "plan" came down the pipeline yesterday, and was (sort of) put into effect this morning.

4 of the 3rd grade teachers were conscripted to become tutors for small groups of 5th grade students who did not pass their TAKS tests and will be making a 2nd attempt in a couple of weeks. These teachers will be upstairs with the 5th grade all day, every day, until the next TAKS.

I was in the computer lab with my class when the principal came by to announce this. I don't know if that is the reason I was not chosen to be a tutor, or if the list was already set.

This morning, 2 of the teachers began the tutoring. There were no subs to be found for the other 2 teachers, so they were still in the 3rd grade hall with us.

At around 9:10 am, one of the subs ran into my room to tell me that someone had just thrown a chair in her room. I went over, and sure enough, it was the young man I had tested one-on-one last Thursday. He assured me he had not "thrown" the chair, but rather "pushed" it. (Nevermind that he has a history of chair throwing that would make Bobby Knight proud.)

I LOVE March Madness.

May Madness, I'm not so sure about...

Ah, so THIS is why...

Let it never be said that I cannot take constructive criticism. My Publisher's Weekly review -- the one that I "earned" by making the top 250 in this year's Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award -- arrived by owl post today, and I think it just about sums up why I did not advance through to the next round.

Here it is, in its entirety:

This amusing epistolary manuscript lacks shape and any semblance of dramatic trajectory. It consists entirely of a series of emails from rookie teacher Jack Woodson to a former colleague of Jack's at Heat Pumps Unlimited, where Jack had worked as an engineer. The emails document Jack's first year teaching third grade at a public school in a low-income neighborhood in Dallas--an experience that is hilarious, frustrating, and disturbing. Among the anecdotes, a little girl asks Jack how big he is, and it turns out she is referring to his genitals; Esteban screams out his answers to questions and changes his answer every time he's asked, even if he was right the first time; precocious Ariel not only does great work, she critiques Jack's classroom management; and scary kids like Jun'tober have even scarier parents. Jack's emails are entertaining, but about a third of the way through, his relentless joking and constant pop culture references start to grate, and the reader wishes the missive would start to take a direction. Instead, he just keeps joking his way through the school year. The book gets an A for amusement, but when it comes to story or emotional resonance, it gets an "incomplete."




Hey, I never claimed that Learn Me Good had a plot. It really IS just a chronicle of a school year. There is no murder, espionage, low cunning, or even mistaken identity discovered too late. However, in my (its) defense, it was never PROVEN that Jessica actually was referring to my genitals. I'd still like to give her the benefit of that doubt.

Honestly, having written the book and knowing full well that it doesn't really have a plot, I'm quite happy to have received an A for amusement, since that was what I was really after.

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world

Now that the stress of TAKS is over, we can forget all about academic instruction for the last month.

OK, not REALLY. But with testing done, we have already been tasked to start decorating our hallway for this year's International Festival which will happen later this month.

This year, the countries we are representing are Mexico, Spain, Canada, and England. Mexico is not tough. We have a TON of kids who are either from Mexico themselves or whose parents are from there. There should be no shortage of decorative ideas to represent Mexico.

But I throw it out there to my readers for any ideas as to how to represent the other countries on our list. Flags are always easy. Coloring book pictures of Dudley Do-right for Canada? Big Maple Leafs? Crooked teeth for England? (I kid, of course.)

Please leave me a comment and tell me what you think my kids should put up out in the hallway to represent these countries.

Time to exhale

Finally, I can come up and take a breath of air. Which, ironically, is a bit tougher than normal, as I am suffering from either allergies or a cold.

But the TAKS testing is over for my kids for the year, and I think (and hope!) that they did well. They told me the next day that there were a lot of questions on the test that they knew how to do, so I take that as a good sign.

My house is sold, and I have a month to move out. Ideally, I will find a new place before then, but if not, I will just put my stuff in storage and stay with my fiance until we find a house. Selling my place was really the biggest hurdle on our list.

The wedding invitations are done and almost ready to be sent out. Thankfully, they make a nice, tasteful 61 cent stamp, and I didn't have to supplement the Forever stamp with a 17 cent goat head stamp.

The last month of the school year should be a bit more relaxing. We will introduce the kids to things they will be seeing in 4th grade, like comparing fractions, long division, and common sense.

Quick hits

Just a list of disjointed quick hits today:

TAKS reading today -- long and boring for teachers and students alike. Some of my kids found it to be too much and started acting like idiots, getting out of their seats, talking, passing things to each other when they thought the teacher wasn't looking...



That song by Kris Allen called Live Like We're Dying annoys my mathematical sensibilities. The key line in the song is "We only got eighteen, four hundred seconds in the day..." Forgetting the poor grammar, the fact that he leaves the word THOUSAND out ticks me off to no end. That's only the most important word in the number!!


My school was highlighted on the news last night. Not really a good thing.



Read most of a funny book my friend Stacy got me for my birthday. Posted about it over on the wedding blog.



I can never tell the difference between allergies and a cold. I have one or the other right now, and either way, it doesn't make me happy.


I truly enjoy my friends at school and their wittyness.

TAKS Math is down

Today really seemed like the longest TAKS day ever. Maybe it was because I feel sick. Maybe it was because the kids I was watching were all done by 11:15. Maybe it was because I knew I'd be finding out if my book made the next cut in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award.

At any rate, the first day is down. According to the teachers watching MY kids, they really tried their best. We'll see in a few weeks.

Oh, and Learn Me Good unfortunately did NOT make the top 50. Hey, we started with 5,000, and I made it down to the top 250. So that's an honor in itself. I get a Publisher's Weekly full manuscript review out of it too, so that should be appearing in the next week or so.

Plus, I have another long day tomorrow to look forward to!

T Minus 1

To paraphrase Jack Bauer -- this week is going to be the longest week of my life...

TAKS week is finally upon us. Today was actually the easy day. Tomorrow and Wednesday are all day testing -- standing and walking around the room, watching kids take a test. Thursday will be something new for me. I am giving a test one-on-one to a kid. This kid is special ed and requires the test to be read to him, and I volunteered to do it because this kid also comes from a culture that does not promote respect to women. He is HORRIBLE for his 3 teachers (all women), but when he gets put in my room for time-out or to finish a test, he is usually no problem for me. So I stepped up to administer this test. At least I'll get to sit down.

Today was pretty nice. After full-on review all of last week, today we just did a few morning math problems and then some fun and relaxing stuff. We measured how tall everybody was, for a reference point to help with any height questions that may arise. Everybody stood on a scale to get a reference point for any weight problem that may arise. Then we had a bull session about the test. The kids asked questions and I answered. All capped off with the fan favorite -- Math Quiz Game Show.

Now I can only keep my fingers crossed that they play the way we've practiced.

Covering up the mess

It seemed to take forever this year to get to the point of TAKS testing. Possibly because this is the first year that we haven't done the reading TAKS first (in March). I think that my kids are as ready as they are going to be, though. I estimate about 7 will not pass, but the others should do well, and hopefully some of those 7 will surprise me.

Of course, we still have to jump through the usual hoops of covering up everything in our rooms, etc. Figured now was as good a time as any to revisit this gem. My (never sent and never to be sent) letter to downtown...

Dear District Personnel:

I began covering aspects of my room today, per instructions for TAKS administrations, but I have begun to realize how futile my efforts are. You see, if I am to remove all the visual aids that might unfairly help my kids during the test, it's not enough for me to merely place construction paper over my number line (so that the kids will not be able to look up and see what number comes after 42) or over my Word Wall (so that the kids will not be reminded of the proper spelling of the word "cylinder" -- even though any question relating to a cylinder will already have the word right there).

Verily, even covering up my Classroom Rules, which, granted, ARE mathematically numbered from one to five, or covering up my cursive alphabet strips (I guess so that kids will remember to PRINT their extra work, instead of handwriting it?) is not sufficient!

You see, there are many more things in the classroom environment that might help them on the test. For instance, a child may glance up from his/her exam and notice the shades on the windows. The shades can be pulled up or pulled down, and thinking about these options might remind the child of estimation, where they are required to round up and round down. These shades will need to be removed immediately. Also, the ceiling tiles in my classroom are square in shape AND are arranged in a geometric pattern. I would absolutely hate for a test monitor to enter my room and see how easily a student could be reminded of such topics by simply looking up. I would like to request that my ceiling be removed before the test tomorrow, or at the very least, that a large tarp is provided to cover the tiles.

My third graders go to lunch every day at the same time. They already know when lunch will be served, and they will be constantly thinking throughout the day about how much time they have left until lunch! Do you agree with me that this is a constant reminder of elapsed time? I suggest that no lunch is served on TAKS days, or if that is not possible, that the time to eat is chosen completely at random. Maybe they'll eat at 8:43, maybe they'll eat at 1:59. Oh, and we should also send the kids home at separate times; perhaps some sort of lottery system could be put into play?

Earlier in the year, when we talked about measurement and units of length, we associated each unit of length with a part of the body. An inch is about the length from the tip of the thumb to the first knuckle. A foot is about the length from the elbow to the wrist. I am sad to report that all of the children in my class this year are in possession of thumbs, elbows, and wrists, and this will undoubtedly assist these children in any measurement questions that might arise on the TAKS. I feel that the child's OWN body parts are acceptable help, but other children in the room will be unacceptable visual reminders. Therefore, we will need to administer the TAKS to each child separately, with no other human beings in the room.

Actually, it occurs to me that the classroom itself is a rectangular prism. What can we do about putting each child into an amorphous physical structure?

Thanks for taking all of these things into consideration. If you could have some answers back to me by tomorrow morning, I would greatly appreciate it. Otherwise, will have to implement these things next year.

Your loyal servant,

Mister Teacher

Well that's just great

I don't want to go into any details here, but the sad fact is that I am directly involved in my district's latest financial snafu. Through absolutely no fault of my own, things have happened with my paycheck that now need to be fixed, despite being a colossal mess.

I got a letter yesterday that had the superintendent's seal, that basically said, you need to contact payroll to get this resolved. Way to put the ball in MY court instead of taking responsibility. In addition, I apparently have to look up payroll's contact information myself, since no phone number, email address, fax, etc was included.

Gotta love the personal touch.

Top 10 Rejected Meanings of TAKS

This is an excerpt from a guest post that originally appeared on So You Want to Teach on January 25, 2008.

The timing seems just about right.

TAKS stands for the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills, but my understanding is that that was not the original acronym.

Without further ado, here are The Top Ten Rejected Meanings of TAKS:

10) Texas Accepts Kids’ Suffering
9) That Aggravating Kidney Stone
8) Teachers against Knuckle Sandwiches
7) This Ain’t Kansas, Scarecrow
6) Talking About Kama Sutra
5) Testing All Kids Simultaneously
4) Throw Away Knowledge, Sonny
3) Think Again, Kindergarten Students
2) Take Another Kid’s Sanity
1) This Assessment Kinda Sucks

hot and cold

Today, I walked into my classroom and immediately noticed that it was hot and stuffy. So, since the maintenance men came in and fixed the A/C unit last Friday, I went to turn it on to provide a blast of cool air for the room.

Instead, I nearly suffocated as a furnace of hot air erupted out of the vents. Having actually moved the temperature in my room UP a few degrees, I stopped our head custodian as soon as I saw him walk by my room.

I told him what had happened, and he said yeah, they turned the heat on downtown instead of the a/c. "Downtown" controls what comes out of my vents, and since it was 52 degrees outside, they decided that the heat should be on. Nevermind the fact that my room is not OUTside...

Free shipping!

I have just been presented with a coupon code that reduces shipping on orders of Learn Me Good from lulu.com -- from $3.99 to $0.00!!

Just enter coupon code FREEMAIL305. This coupon is good for the month of April.

Also, if you haven't already joined the Learn Me Good fan page on Facebook, now's your chance!

Big fat cheater

Yesterday, one of my little girls made me so mad. This is a girl that has been a headache all year long. She bullies other kids, she copies, she tattles, she disobeys, she talks when she shouldn't, she pretends to read when she should be reading, and she is way more concerned with what the people around her are doing than what SHE should be doing.

Yesterday after lunch, I sat in on an SST (Student Support Team) meeting where the focus was this girl. Her mom was even there, talking about the problems the girl is having.

When I got back to class, the TA had gotten the kids started on their math test. Shortly after I had returned, I caught this same little girl cheating!!! She was trying to sneak glances at her multiplication tables inside her desk!!

This little girl is no lightweight, and it took every ounce of my willpower NOT to call her a big fat cheater (though all 3 parts definitely apply). Instead, I left out the word "fat" as I sent her to the corner.

UGH!! Makes me so mad that the adults in her life are trying to help her, and she doesn't want to put any effort into anything other than trying to be sneaky.

It's in the bag

Loyal FoLMeG Katie recently brought my attention to the fact that she has entered a design in Kroger's "Design a Reusable Bag" contest, and she needs votes!

So I'm asking everyone to go over, check out her bag -- pretty cool, eh? -- and cast a vote! And then go back again the next day and vote again!

B is for Bribery

Just under 2 weeks till TAKS. I wonder if it's too late to start the bribery.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been attempting bribery for months, but I wonder if it's too late to actually start promising to write blank checks to kids who otherwise seem to have no chance of passing. Kids that just MIGHT (on the very mightest edge of the might scale) pass if they took all 7 hours and perused carefully over every question, but who more probably will grab numbers out of word problems and do ungodly things with them. Kids who will say that 8/3 of the balloons are shaded. Kids who will choose "Not here" any and every time that option is presented.

2 more weeks. Are there enough Hot Cheetos in the world to bribe these kids?

Acts of Vengucation

Back in the day, I used to be an avid comic book collector. Last week? No, I'm talking about when I was in high school. Instead of dating, I had my superhero stories. Worked out ok in the end.

One of the cross-over storylines that I remember most was called Acts of Vengeance. This mult-part event involved Spiderman, Iron Man, The Avengers, and many other of Marvel's heroes. In a nutshell, 5 or 6 of the top villains got together and decided that they were tired of constantly getting beaten up by their archnemeses. Spidey knew all of Green Goblin's moves, so he could always defeat him. The Fantastic Four had faced Dr. Doom so often, they could handle him without issue.

So the villains decided that they should swap dance partners to defeat the heroes. Magneto would pick a fight with Ironman, who had never fought him before. And why they never thought of THAT one before, who knows. etc, etc

Did I lose you yet? Thankfully, I know Joel, Chad, and Ed u Cater sometimes read this blog and at least know what I'm talking about...

I was thinking a few weeks ago how possibly this strategy might work for us at school. One of my teaching partners is having trouble with some of her kids. They are used to her, but what if I came in and worked with them? Basically doing the same things they've already heard in class, but coming from a different voice.

A 4th grade teacher comes occasionally to MY room to work with a couple of my lower kids with the same intent.

The problem seems to be that these kids, who seem totally clueless, in class and on tests, seem to know what they're doing with the new tutor.

I have worked with Mrs. Math's kids a couple of times now. She told me that these kids do not know how to regroup when they subtract. That they always forget to regroup, or that they do it the wrong way. Yet when I sit them down and give them a few problems to work, they do it just fine with no prompting from me!

I mean, there are slight issues, but overall, if I didn't know any better, I would say these kids know how to regroup!

Sounds like good news on the surface -- these kids HAVE been listening! They DO know how to subtract! But the fact is that they still are not doing it when it counts -- in class, on homeworks, on tests.

That can be very frustrating for the teacher of record.

Maybe I just need to sic Dr. Doom on them and see how they regroup...

Not your usual Easter plans

Last Thursday, I gave my kids a Quick Write assignment where the prompt was "What are your plans for this Sunday?" We talked about how Sunday was Easter, so if they had Easter plans, that was what I wanted them to write about, and if they didn't celebrate Easter, then they should just write about what they would do on a normal Sunday.

Some of the results were pretty amusing.

From one kid saying that, as usual, he would top the day by seeing a scary movie, to a girl talking about Easter dinner at the Chinese food restaraunt, one stood head and shoulders above the rest.

One of my really good writers, very articulate, wrote about how he would be going to his cousins' house, and they had asked him to be the bunny rabbit. He hoped that they would not beat him with a stick. Last year, when he was Santa Claus, he got beat up by some 1st graders, and got away just before they started throwing rocks at him.

Not really sure how much of that is fact and how much is fiction, but I found it a very interesting tale nonetheless.

Thank you, Coach K!

In regards, to my early posting from about a month ago...

Coach K, you have come through in stellar fashion. Going above and beyond my request (I did, after all, only ask that you make it to the Final Four), you have given us our 4th National Championship.

Thank you!!

And Chad, who posted this:

"Don't you think you're asking a bit too much here? Dook to get to the Final Four? Why not ask for mandatory state testing to go away or for all of your students to enter you classroom each year reading at grade level. I'm trying to remember the last team from Tobacco Road to win a title? Oh yeah, Carolina last year. How about the team before that? Oh yeah, The Heels again in 2005. Perhaps Duke will someday regain their glory and you will be happy. I just hope it's not this year...or next....or next..."

Now it will be much easier for you to remember the Tobacco Road champion. Duke.

All of my kids at grade level... don't be ridiculous...

"Reasonable" Math Problems

Here is the post that showed up on I Want to Teach Forever on April Fool's Day, reposted in its entirety here:

As I mentioned the other day, we have dived in headfirst to the "tough stuff" of the 3rd grade curriculum. Word problems, 2-step problems, and now, "Reasonable" problems. It's pretty ironic, but even with 4 years of high school math under my belt, 3 ½ years of college math and engineering, and 2 years of graduate school math and engineering, I had NEVER come across this type of math problem in my life until I started teaching 3rd grade.

Here's a typical problem:

Mr. Sutton buys 4 tools at the hardware store. The least expensive tool is $10, and the most expensive tool is $20. What is a reasonable total for all 4 tools?

In my opinion, Mr. Sutton should look at his receipt and find the exact prices of each tool and add them, or at least round them and add. This lowest and highest deal is silly. Yet teach it we must.

Oh, and there's also a second kind of reasonable question.

Suzy the Squirrel can bury 3 to 5 nuts every day. How many days will it take her to bury 40 nuts?

Nevermind the fact that I always have to stop and deal with giggle fits every year when we do this problem in class (the kids giggle, too. NUTS!), but I think this kind is more difficult than the first because it requires something beyond just adding to find a total.

Speaking of unreasonableness, I have been working on getting my honeymoon booked. My fiancé and I have decided upon Turks and Caicos (mostly just because it is incredibly fun to say), and a 5 night stay at an all-inclusive resort there. However, the airfare is redonkulous!! Almost 700 bucks per person! Of course, if it was some of my kids charging me airfare, it wouldn't be so bad, because 2 people at 700 dollars each would only be 702 dollars. Possibly even 698 dollars. However, in the real world, it's so much more than that.

Ideally, my book would win the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Contest and the $15,000 prize that goes along with it. Realistically, though, that's probably not going to happen. Any chance everyone could encourage their friends and neighbors to buy a couple of copies of Learn Me Good? On the Kindle even?

Coach K has already come through and delivered on my request. Somehow I doubt he's going to come to the wedding, but at least he gave me my early present.

Is it still "reasonable" to think that Duke can win it all?

OK, so I don't teach Kindergarten

OK, ok, so a few of you caught on (those of you actually reading this blog, that is) to my little April Fool's prank. And ok, ok, so it's pretty much the same thing I did last year. But it seemed fun last year, so why not try it again?

Several years ago, artists of various comic strips in the newspaper switched places and drew each other's strips on April 1st. The Dilbert guy drew Garfield. The Garfield guy drew Rose is Rose. The Rose is Rose guy drew Foxtrot. Etc. I loved it. I wish they would do it every year.

It inspired me to try the same thing here with a few blogs. So a few of us switched places for the day. If you read my post yesterday and were wondering why I seemed so chippy and talking about kindergarteners--ACTUAL kindergarteners, not just kids who ACT like kindergarteners--then know this. It weren't me! Yesterday's post was written by Halpey of Look at my Happy Rainbow!

MY post, continuing the topic of Reasonableness (and un) can be found at Mr. D's blog, I Want to Teach Forever (FAME!) Definitely worth checking out! You can also read my honeymoon plea!

Here's the entire list of April Fools:

I posted "Reasonable" Math Problems at I Want to Teach Forever.

Mr. D posted Use a Dartboard to Review Geometry and Probability at Mrs. Bluebird's Classroom.

Mrs. Bluebird posted Molly the Manager at Successful Teaching.

Loonyhiker posted Looks aren't Everything at Scheiss Weekly.

Mamacita posted "Adult" means "Dirty" at Look at My Happy Rainbow!

Halpey posted Q is for Quickie Mart Clerk? here on Learn Me Good.

Hope you enjoyed this fun little activity! If you did, please leave a comment or two!

Oh, and in honor of the month of April and the Fools that go with it, I am offering the Kindle version of Learn Me Good for the (foolishly?) low price of $1.99! Download yours now!

Q is for... Quickie Mart Clerk?

One of our daily activities is drilling all the letters and sounds… in an effort to spice up this monotonous routine, I found some occupation cards to use. Each card has the letter of the alphabet prominently displayed and a picture of a corresponding profession. We say the letter, the sound, and finally the name of the occupation. “A, /a/, astronaut, B, /b/, baker, C, /k/, construction worker," etc.

In an effort to engage my sprouts, I have them sign ‘me too’ when we get to a job they think they might like when they grow up. I’m always amused at which jobs are most popular.

After explaining what an E, /e/, engineer was, many fancied that line of work. I have quite a few girls who thought nothing would be more fulfilling than H, /h/, hairdresser. I’m always happy that R, /r/ rock star isn’t all the rage… the media hasn’t influenced my kindergartners yet. Only one girl wanted to be a Q, /q/, queen… after the activity one day, she came up and whispered in my ear, “a princess gets to become a queen someday…”

When we get to T, /t/, teacher, they all point to me smiling. Naturally, most of them want to be a T, /t/ teacher and that is the greatest reward I could wish for. Who wouldn’t want to spend their day singing, be showered in hugs, practice magic, help children learn to zip their coats, or wear paper hats at work. Teaching kindergarten has made me a better man… I can’t think of anything I’d rather be… not even a K, /k/, karate instructor.

Summer lovin'

Way back in December, my fiance attended my staff Christmas party with me, and got to select a prize while there. Her prize was to choose a day in March to take off at 1:00.

Since her school would hardly honor this prize, it fell to me, and I happily took that day today.

Leaving 2 hours early -- really more like 3 or 4, since I rarely leave before 4:30 -- felt like playing hooky, and I liked it! Driving home with the radio blaring and the window open -- which it had to be, because my A/C is currently not working -- stopping at Lowes to pick up some mulch and flowers for my house. THIS is the life!!

Putting my house on the market next week, so I was able to get a bit of work done outside today in daylight hours. Here's hoping it sells fast!

Crunchy Time

3rd grade math TAKS test is on April 27th. That doesn't leave us with too much time left.

Aside from kids still struggling with the concepts, we have at least covered a lot of the material. Operations, patterns, rounding, measurement, fractions, geometry, etc.

The past few weeks and the next few weeks have been and will be over tougher stuff: The Word Problems.

Most word problems follow some sort of logical path. Most 3rd graders do not. So while it might make perfect sense that if somebody gives away 5 pencils, they should then have LESS pencils than they started with... prompting subtraction...that's not always the way it works out.

Last week, we focused on Two-Step Word Problems. Talk about your basic whipping. There are THREE numbers in the problem now?? We HAVE to add/subtract them all at the same time!!

Usually, when we walk through a problem together, logic prevails. The kids, even the low ones, can tell me when they should add, when they should subtract. The problem arises when the kids face the questions on their own. The main problem being that many of the kids don't actually read the problem or think about what the words mean.

Remember that Far Side cartoon captioned, "What dogs hear?" where the owner said, "Spot, fetch my slippers! Good boy, Spot, that's a good boy, Spot!" and the dog hears, "Spot, blah blah blah blah blah blah, Spot, blah blah blah blah Spot!"

Word problems act in much the same way for a lot of kids.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah 15 blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah 3 blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah?

Ooooooh, I spy, with my tiny little eye, two numbers!! The magic 8 ball in my head says to.... ADD them!

Then the teacher, ME, reads their answer and wonders why the heck each friend has 18 hotdogs, if Alex started with 15 hotdogs and split them up evenly among 3 friends. (Nevermind the fact that they added hotdogs and friends and magically turned them all to hotdogs.)

We start "Reasonableness"-type questions tomorrow. A bit too unreasonable, if you ask me.

Not the answers I am looking for

Does anyone else experience this?

We're looking at a word problem, for instance one that goes like this: "Timmy has 18 marbles. He gives 5 to Fred and 6 to Becky. How many marbles does Timmy have left?"

I walk around the room to see how the kids are doing. I notice one of them has subtracted 6-5. I ask him, "Please tell me why you have subtracted 6 minus 5 here."

He replies, "So that I could get the right answer."

Undeterred (I've heard this one before, after all), I persist: "But how do you know you were supposed to subtract these numbers?"

He responds, "Because it says, 'Timmy has 18 marbles. He gives 5 to Fred and 6 to Becky. How many marbles does Timmy have left?'"

Ironically, I will get these exact same answers from a child in the next class who has ADDED all three numbers.

No matter how many times I try to tell the kids that reciting the word problem in its entirety does NOT explain how they got their answer -- kids still try it.

Unfortunately, sarcasm is often lost of them, so me trying to turn this around on them usually fails miserably.

"Mister Teacher, why haven't we gone to the computer lab lately?"

"Because we had fried chicken for lunch today."

"Mister Teacher, why can't we go outside for recess today?"

"Because the Pledge says, 'I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America...'"

Narrowing the field

Last month, I posted about the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award and making the first cut, from 5,000 entrants down to 1,000.

Today (finally!), the second critical date has arrived, the one where the remaining 1,000 were winnowed to the top 250.

Drum roll, please...

I am overwhelmed, excited, astounded, and just a bit gassy to announce...

LEARN ME GOOD IS IN THE TOP 250!!!!!!!!

At this stage of the game, the ENTIRE book is read by Publishers Weekly, and they rate and review it. The next cut comes on April 27th, when they narrow it down to 50 entries.

Man, I might not be able to sleep tonight!

A Travesty

A shocker awaited me at lunchtime on the first day back from Spring Break today. So much so that I felt compelled to write an email to the entire staff of my school, something I don't often do. Here was my letter:

"Hello all,

For my birthday back in February, my team members got together and bought me a present that was near and dear to my heart -- a giant bottle of ketchup. This bottle had my name written on it, and it was placed in the door of the refrigerator in the teacher's lounge, to be used as needed at lunch time. When we left for Spring Break, less than 1/3 of the bottle had been used.

Today, with four very tomato-friendly chicken strips waiting on my tray, I opened the fridge, expecting to find my beloved condiment, but instead discovered that the bottle was gone.

The fridge was full of other things -- plastic bags with food, bottles of water and soda, etc -- so I don't believe that this is a matter of the refrigerator being cleaned out over break (and if it was, there needs to be an announcement next time). Rather, this seems to be a straightforward case of Heinz-jacking.

This is just wrong on so many levels.

To whomever stole my ketchup, all I ask is that you place it back inside the door of the fridge. No questions will be asked, no charges pressed.

Thank you,

JP"

While in the lunchroom, still reeling from the theft, several other teachers mentioned that things have gone missing from their rooms. A CD from our coach's office, candy from several classrooms, pencils, etc.

Hopefully whoever it was (and really, there were only a handful of people around during Spring Break) will get the message and knock it off...

An open letter to Coach K

Dear Coach K (rzyzewski),

First, let me offer my congratulations on once again getting your team into the NCAA tournament -- something that your biggest rival, the Tarholes, were unable to do. Your team this year has shown inconsistency at times, but they have pulled together when it has counted, holding everyone off to win the ACC championship. Singler, Scheyer, and Smith have been awesome, and it has been great to see the emergence of Brian Zoubek as a presence in the paint.

Let me get to the point of my letter. As you may or may not know, I am getting married in July, and while that is still a ways off, I would like to request my wedding gift from you now. While you have not actually received a Save the Date or an invitation, please know that, if you are available, you are certainly invited.

As a gift for our special day, I would love to ask that you win the NCAA Championship this year. But that seems a little much. So instead, I'll merely ask that you take it to the Final Four. No embarrassing losses to Louisville, Purdue, or A&M. If there is a rematch against Villanova, please take your rightful revenge and knock them out of the tourney.

So to sum up, early wedding gift -- Final Four. Oh, and if you DO make it, and could swing courtside TICKETS to your games? That would be spectacular as well.

Good luck and God bless.

Sincerely,

John Pearson

Bards and Sages review

Thanks to Julie over at Bards and Sages for the latest review of Learn Me Good.

"Having a female in your workplace ask you how long you are is awkward. When the female is your 3rd grade student, it becomes surprisingly hilarious."

"Pearson presents the children in his class with all of their foibles, but does so in a way that is endearing and witty without being mean-spirited. You may think it was not possible to nickname one of your students Lucifer and not be mean-spirited, but Pearson manages it surprisingly well. Of course, when you have children in your class named Samsonite and Baby Boy, Lucifer doesn’t strike anyone as all that odd."

Check out the full review here!

Time for March Mathness, Bay-bee!!

It's almost time for the NCAA men's college basketball tournament to get underway again, so as usual, I've created a pool over at espn.com. The name of the pool is March Mathness, and all are invited to enter.

You can create your entry now, but you have to wait until after the pairings are announced to actually make your picks. This will happen late Sunday evening. Picks must be made by early Thursday morning, before the first game starts (the "play-in" game doesn't count towards the bracket choices).

Good luck to all, and I hope to see you there!

Very intolerant...

DISD seems to be sending out a message to Catholics this Lenten season -- Screw you!!

In the past, on Fridays - when Catholics are not supposed to eat meat - the cafeteria has regularly served fish sticks, shrimp, or other acceptable choices. This year, however, there have been chicken nuggets, pizza pockets, and today, some kind of breakfast weiners...

Sure, there have been cheese sticks, but I just refuse to accept that as an entree on ANY day.

What is up, DISD??? Whatever happened to fishstick Friday?

Unaccountable talk

Last week, I assigned a homework over missing information that some of the kids did great on and some didn't get at all. The sort of question like "Sherri has 7 bookshelves. She wants to find the total number of books that she has. What information does she need to find the total number of books? (The answer being: what color her shirt is. Just kidding. She needs to know how many books are on each shelf.)

So I paired up the kids who had gotten all 3 questions right with the kids who had not and had them go over their answers and their reasoning. As they did this, I walked around and listened in.

I happened to overhear one boy asking the girl he was paired with, "So you probably didn't even read this problem, did you? You weren't paying attention, and that's why you got it wrong!" The girl replied, "Yes, I was paying attention," to which the boy responded, "Come on, you weren't, were you?

I had to ask the boy to be just a bit nicer in his "help."

Today, we were looking at word problems. I've been trying to help the kids decide what operation they should use by looking at the units. If the units are the same (ie, 10 bears and 5 more bears), they can add or subtract. If the units are different (ie, 10 bears and 5 cages), they should multiply or divide.

The problem I had tasked them with talked about M&Ms and Skittles and asked how many more M&Ms there were than Skittles. They were discussing what to do in pairs. One little girl (NOT my brightest) was telling her partner that they should multiply or divide because M&Ms and Skittles are different things. The boy, instead of just telling her she was wrong was asking probing questions. "What are they?" he asked. "They are the units," she said. He answered, "But what ARE they? Are they nails and boxes? How are they different?"

He was (correctly) trying to get her to see that they were both types of candy and thus the same, but I had to walk away or risk laughing out loud at their conversation.

Finally, on our way out to the buses today, one of my little girls told me that when her dad got out of jail (!) they were going to move away from the United States. I figured she meant to Mexico, so I was being facetious when I asked, "You will move to Japan?" "No!" she answered. "The moon?" I asked. "No!" again. When I asked her where, she replied, "To Miami."

Geography just is not her strong suit.

What a spork!

Mrs. Math, another 3rd grade teacher, was sitting next to me at a meeting in the cafeteria the other day, and she directed my attention to a box of supplies sitting over in the corner. She said, "See if you can guess what my kids were calling each other today."

I scanned the printing on the box -- Napkins, cups, black sporks, trays.

Would you believe I guessed correctly? The kids were calling each other "black sporks!"

These kids will grab at anything to put each other down!

Well kids, if you are reading, here are a couple more suggestions of nasty names to call each other to REALLY burn:

Late Homework
Yellow Highlighter
Sticky Note
TELPAS Rater
Dirty Overhead Transparancy
Adopted Curriculum
Cum Folder

Read an e-book week

Smashwords is holding a "Read an e-book" promotion for a week, in which many books can be downloaded electronically for a large discount.

I've enrolled Learn Me Good in the program, so from March 7-13, you can get a copy for only $1.00. Just enter coupon code RAE50 at checkout.

While you're there, check out all of the other discounted ebooks, and enjoy the week!

Facebook Fellows, Unite

Well, I've gone and done it. Something so incredibly immodest, it's not even funny. But hey, everyone's doing it, right?

I've created a Facebook fan page for Learn Me Good. So if you're a Facebook-type guy or gal, please join as a fan!

John Pearson is a fan of

Learn Me Good

Create your Fan Badge

A little light TAKS practice

I have not been blogging with my regular frequency, as I have been incredibly busy. I am trying to get my house ready to sell, so I've been painting and prepping; I'm (marginally) involved with the wedding planning; and I'm jumping through all the TAKS hoops that my school is putting up in front of me.

So if you've said to yourself, "Dang, Mister Teacher hasn't said anything funny in a while!" well you're right.

But I'm here writing now. 4th grade took their Writing TAKS test today, and thankfully 3rd grade did not have one, but we gave practice TAKS tests on Monday and Tuesday. The results are both hopeful and depressing at once.

Within my classes, I had some very high scores. Even 2 kids who got a perfect score and several who missed less than 3. By far, the majority of my kids passed with above a 70. But I also had some very low kids -- 30s and 40s -- and I honestly don't see how I'm going to get them to pass.

So much of it seems to be attitude with these kids too. They know how to do the problems that they are missing, but when it's a test and/or I am not in the room, they don't show any work, they don't do the steps, and so they get the answers wrong.

The ones that REALLY bug me are the questions that ask what is 30,000+2,000+70+3, and some kids are too lazy to just frakkin ADD IT UP AND SEE WHAT YOU GET!!! They would rather just pick the first answer they see that has a 3 at the front.

Anyway, most of you are probably saying, "Dang, Mister Teacher STILL hasn't said anything funny in a while!" and you're right.

So this is for you -- some funny things to say.

Egg McMuffin
Studs Terkel
Dick Trickle
Pound Puppies Posed Provocatively
Expired Vienna Sausages
Shinola
My bowels be runnin'
West Virgina

Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award

Back around the beginning of this month, I heard about this contest that Amazon.com was holding. They were accepting the first 5,000 pitches from (wannabe) novelists, with the top prize being a publishing contract with Penguin Books and a $15,000 advance.

So I entered, and I started to watch the calendar for the key dates. The first was today, where the 5,000 were whittled down to 1,000 based on the pitch alone. I held my breath as I looked down the list, feeling like the high school kid hoping he made the varsity basketball team. There it was -- Pearson -- Learn Me Good!

I made the first cut!! I'm in the upper 20% Now, they review the first 5,000 words of the manuscript and whittle the 1,000 down to 250 on March 23rd.

Wish me luck!!

The Return of the King

I LOVE taking a day off from school, don't you? You can sleep in, it feels like you're playing hooky, and you can get so much accompished that you usually can't do -- I mean, heck, I paid bills, balanced my checkbook, got hotel reservations confirmed, spoke with a travel agent about a honeymoon, bought some painting supplies, bought a new coat, did laundry, cleaned out my closet, caught up on some TV...

On the other hand, I HATE coming back to school the next day because, invariably, I discover that many or most of my kids were complete jackasses to the substitute and to each other. I find things missing from my desk (a dollar's worth of quarters this time). I find papers turned in with no names and no work on them. I find (usually lengthy) lists of names of people that misbehaved.

And today, I found one kid in In School Suspension.

Why can't I just come back and find one or all of the following:

• A glowing note about ALL of my students.
• Completed work with all steps and strategies shown.
• A winning Mega Jackpot lottery ticket.

A mental health birthday

Today was my birthday!

As a present to myself, I am taking Monday off (thus the reason I'm still up at 1AM). Taking a break from painting the house, grading papers, making tests, etc. Still have plenty to do, but I need a mental health day!

So You Want to Teach?

Sorry, Joel, totally, ripped off your blog's name here.

But, I received an email from Wendy Graham the other day, linking to a post that she put together recently. The post is called 100 Reasons to be a Teacher, and it's worth checking out.

I might not agree completely with the entire list, but there are some good ones on there.

Number 8 -- Holidays and Weekends – Having this time off is a gift that teachers take for granted too often

Number 46 -- Students – Molding Minds – The age old idea of teaching someone something they need to know

Number 80 -- Problem solving – Large and small problems occur and are addressed daily

Intsitute of Hihger Laerning

About a week ago, this picture of Freshman phenom basketball player John Wall appeared online. Note the spelling of his university.

Just goes to show that spelling IS important!

But hey, at least it's not quite as bad as 3 years ago, when the West Virginia Mountaineers won the NIT. Check out their championship T-shirts here. (Hint, they mistakenly left off the final "i.")

All that snow...

Yesterday, as I mentioned, was a snow day here in Dallas. Not a day off from school, mind you, but a day where we had classes with 3-4 inches of snow on the ground outside. This is about as rare in Dallas, Texas as Britney Spears making sense in an interview.

I usually keep my shades closed in the classroom, but I opened one up so we could see the snow falling out in the courtyard. At around 9:15, I had to open several more, because our power went out and we needed the extra light. The power was out until almost 10:30.

In the meantime, after we got our initial work done (in the low light), I thought I'd give the kids a bit of a reward and take them outside to play in the snow. We got all bundled up and ready to go when one of the administrators walked by and said that no one was allowed to go outside.

D'OH!!! They won't even let us play in the snow!!!

By lunchtime, after-school tutoring had been cancelled, and it was a good bet that school would be cancelled for Friday (today). The kids were admonished, in a PA announcement, to go STRAIGHT to their buses and not play around in the snow.

Of course, as I was leading my class out to the buses, and I kept hearing other teachers shouting, "NO!! Put that snow down!!" I kept thinking, "I can't possibly tell a kid not to make a snowball when I want so desperately to make one myself!!!"

As soon as the first bus took off, I was throwing snowballs at other teachers. It just seemed such a waste of good snow NOT to use it!!

Sure enough, today was an official inclement weather day, and there was no school. While awesome in one sense, it stinks in another, because I had ordered some Valentine's Day flowers to be delivered to my fiance at her school. No go on that one.

But we did take advantage of the snow to build a snowman and take a few pictures. And thankfully, we haven't lost power here yet!

Just a regular school day

It's a little after 7am as I write this. I'm looking out the window, where the snow is coming down somewhat intensely, and the ground is covered in white.

Yet school is open today, just like any other day.

Thank you, DISD.

You're entitled to your opinion

Last Friday, I gave a Fact vs. Opinion test, and in my ever so humble opinion, there are several kids who just don't get it -- and that's a fact!

Apparently, "Broccoli tastes nasty!" is a fact to some. As is, "John Cena is awesome!"

Conversely, it is merely one's opinion that "One yard equals three feet," or that "There are 50 states in the USA."

Any Language Arts teachers out there have a great way of teaching fact vs opinion?

How I Became a Tutor

Thursdays are after-school tutoring days at my school, which just makes them about the longest days ever -- second only to Parent Conference night. Come to think of it, conferences are always on Thursdays.

Tutoring has not been bad this year, but my morning class really got under my skin today. There are 19 kids, yet it always seems to be the same 3 or 4 raising their hands and answering questions. When I call on others, they stare blankly at me or they give me crazy answers. Yet these same kids don't pay any attention to the kids who give correct answers. Very frustrating.

We also went on a field trip today. We went to the Dallas Children's Theater to see their production of How I Became a Pirate.

I enjoyed it. We had read the story earlier this week, so it was fun to note the differences and similarities between the two. We'll be doing a compare and contrast in class later, so it will be interesting to see what the kids come up with.

There was a 10 minute intermission during the play, during which 3 kids begged me to let them use the bathroom -- despite my very stern warnings before leaving the school that they could NOT go once we were there. When the intermission began, one boy in front of me turned and said, "Man, this is boring! All they are doing is dancing!"

His neighbor argued that he thought it was interesting, and the first boy amended his statement to say, "It IS interesting, but it's just a little boring!"

Overall, the kids were really well behaved, and the show was enjoyable. I think the funniest reference was on pirate shouting, "We're gonna need a bigger boat!" when a shark appeared off the bow.

Tomorrow appears to be another shirt and tie day. I really miss casual Fridays. We have them sporadically, but not nearly often enough.

Maybe I can just dress as a pirate and say it's class-related...

The fact is, we cannot do that

Yesterday was a very interesting day.

We had a conference with a student's mother who told us that she thought we should put tape over her son's mouth to embarrass him into not talking so much. Though the thought had certainly crossed my mind, it's sad for a number of reasons. First, that she would think we COULD do that even if we wanted to, and second, that she would suggest that WE do it in class rather than her doing something herself.

During class, we were discussing fact vs. opinion. I asked if the following statement was a fact or an opinion -- Mister Teacher is a math teacher.

We all agreed that it was a fact. I then added a word, saying Mister Teacher is a great math teacher.

Many of the kids still said fact, and quite frankly, I was reluctant to correct them. :)

Control in the Classroom

Today we feature a guest post from Nancy Simmons of Online Science Degrees entitled "Controlling a Classroom -- Are Teachers up for It?" This is a post that hits somewhat close to home for many or most of us.

Controlling a Classroom – Are Teachers up to It?

Back in the days when I was in school, I used to look up to my teachers as if they were demigods who could do no wrong. In my eyes, they were perfect and I strived to do my best for them because I wanted to please them in every possible way. It was only as I grew older that the sheen lifted from my eyes and I realized that teachers were human as well. But within the confines of a classroom, any teacher worth his salt has a demeanor to uphold, one that portrays dignity and knowledge. They come across as learned in their subject and wise in other areas as well.

For example, teachers who handle younger students are often able to read children even though they are not trained psychologists. They have a knack for picking out trouble makers and isolating them from the rest of the class so that any impending chaos is nipped in the bud. And professors in college know that they’re not really responsible for the moral behavior of their students and as long as their classes are not disturbed or interrupted, they don’t really worry about their students’ performance.

But even though the best of teachers appear to be unflappable most of the time and seem in control of any situation, there are times when their human nature tends to come out and affect the way they control their classroom:

· When their personal lives are affected: My fifth grade teacher was the best in the business, so when she broke down in the middle of a lesson on the first day of a new term, we were all stunned to say the least. She had always seemed so cool and controlled, never exceeding her limits of friendliness that were couched in a teacher’s veneer. We later learned that her husband had passed away during the vacation, in a boating accident. That was the day I realized that personal tragedy can overcome even the staunchest of us in any situation.

· When they cannot regain control of a classroom: Most teachers know how to control their classes, but when one or two rogue elements succeed in creating havoc and causing a ruckus, things get out of hand and the teacher does not really know what to do. So they resort to shouting and screaming, all of which is to no avail. Then comes the loss of temper and the total helplessness which forces them to sit back and do nothing other than wait for the class to settle down on its own. The only way they can regain control is if they appeal to a higher authority or use their powers to threaten the students in some way.

· When they don’t have the support of the school management: And finally, teachers who do not have the backing of the school management always find themselves at the receiving end in class, no matter how good they are at their job. Troublemakers know that they are helpless, and so take great pleasure in disrupting their classes and causing mayhem.

The bottom line - a teacher must be knowledgeable in much more than the subject – only then can he or she be king/queen of the classroom.

By-line:

This guest post is contributed by Nancy Simmons, who writes on the topic of online science degrees . She welcomes your comments at her email address: nancy.simmons09@gmail.com .

Another candle on the cupcake

It almost passed me by without me realizing it, but today (actually yesterday now) is Learn Me Good's blogiversary!

I started this little thing on January 30, 2006. Hard to believe it's been around for 4 solid years.

Thanks to everyone who has read, followed, tweeted, passed on, etc!

Movie potential?

I was feeling rather vain today, so I Googled my book. I put in "Learn Me Good" and Kindle together to see what would come up that I wasn't already aware of.

On the first page, I found a link here. The title is 3 Kindle Indie authors deserving book deals.

The author of the post, one Switch11, states that there is potential for a movie.

So ya hear that, Hollywood?? Let's get it together, people!!

The new sensation that's sweeping the nation

Today, I overheard one of the other 3rd grade teachers talking about one of her kids trying to smuggle food out of the cafeteria. This juvie wannabe was putting bags of Hot Cheetoes down his pants to sneak them out into the classroom.

I suggested that we had a new viral hit on our hands, along the lines of "Pants on the Ground."

"Chips in your pants, chips in your pants! Lookin' like a fool with your chips in your pants!"

Video to follow soon.

Story time

This week, as part of ELA class, I've been reading aloud a story each day and having the kids complete a small literary element chart. Characters, Setting, Problem, Solution, and Summary.

Today, I read them MY story from last year -- The Million Dollar Test (which can be found here).
I needed another story, AND I figured it wasn't too early for them to hear a story about the importance of showing their work on tests.

They really enjoyed it! In fact, my afternoon class was asking for copies of it, and asking if I could write another story!

I'm thinking maybe I could charge a buck a copy and pay off my mortgage!

Paging Mr. Noodle

I have decided that I shall henceforth teach in the style of Mr. Noodle, from Elmo's World via Sesame Street.

For anyone unfamiliar with Mr. Noodle, he is a character that (apparently) lives in Elmo's window and has a very unique style of interpreting questions. Allow me to give you an example...

Elmo will roll up the shade, "waking" Mr. Noodle (the similarities to a peep show booth stop -- for the most part -- there.) Elmo will then ask Mr. Noodle about whatever the topic of the day is. Swimming, cows, lightbulbs, whatever. Elmo may say, "Mr. Noodle, how do you put on your shoes?"

Mr. Noodle will then do something outrageously stupid, ie, put a shoe in his mouth, making Elmo wonder if he has an IQ below 30.

At this point, unseen kids will join the fray, shouting, "NOOOOO, that's not right, Mr. Noodle!!"

Senor Noodle will then do something only slightly less "touched," such as put the shoes down his pants. Again, the kids will patiently yell, "NOOOOO, Mr. Noodle! Shoes don't go there!"

Typically, Mr. Noodle will perform a third troglodytic act, maybe balance a shoe on his head. At this point, we're all waiting to hear the kids shout, "Are you EFFING SH!TTING me???" but they always seem to be inhumanly restrained.

Anyway, enough of the wikipedia article about Elmo's World. The point I am getting at is that I am going to reverse my whole teaching style and try to Noodle it up a bit more. No more probing questions and accurate answers. Instead, when we talk about Perimeter, I am going to randomly make tally marks and wait for the kids to realize that I'm doing the wrong thing and shout, "NOOOOO!" at me. Then I will start dividing a circle into wedges until they again shout at me.

Maybe I will have more success with this technique than ever before.

I'll let you know. For now, I'm going to post this by touching my monitor. If that doesn't work, I'll turn around 3 times in my swivel chair and hoot like an owl.

You have GOT to be kidding me

Yesterday, we gave an Objective 1 math test. Objective 1 covers most of the basics of mathematics -- all 4 operations, place value, putting numbers in order, rounding, counting money, and fractions.

There were 21 questions on the test. We did absolutely nothing else during class all day. We started the test as soon as the kids sat down. Some kids even worked on the test outside during our Friday recess time.

Still, I had 7 kids who did not finish the test. 2 of them only completed the first 14 questions.

I certainly do not want my kids to race recklessly through a test, answering without thinking, and trying to get done as quickly as possible. However, 2 and a half hours is more than enough time to complete 21 rather basic math questions. In each class, after 1 hour, I made an announcement that people not on at least question 10 were working too slowly and spending too much time on problems, and that they needed to work a little faster to finish on time. I then went around and cajoled individuals who were still on question 4 or 5. I announced a half hour remaining. I announced 20 minutes and then 10 minutes remaining. Did it speed these kids up? No, of course not.

Now, I find myself very torn on what to do. I am sorely tempted to count the unfinished problems incorrect and move on with Monday's plans. However, in addition to making for extremely low grades for those kids who did not finish, I also don't get a true feel for whether or not they actually CAN answer some of those later questions. But, if I devote class time on Monday to finishing, I have no doubt that the kids who only did 14 questions in 2 and a half hours will take the entire class time on Monday to finish -- if then!!

Anybody ever have this kind of experience? What do you do??

Book trailers anonymous

My "infomercial" for Learn Me Good is currently running in a contest over at this site. Voting runs from today through next Tuesday, the 26th.

Please vote for Learn Me Good!

Note: The link has been fixed to go straight to the page that features my trailer. Thanks, Ginger!

Crying? Good!

I love to make kids cry.

OK, I don't really, but I just HAD to write that first sentence. Occasionally, though, I do get a small sense of satisfaction when kids in my class cry. Because it tells me that something has finally mattered enough to them to get some kind of reaction.

On Friday, several kids in both classes did not bring their conduct folders back signed. These folders go home every Thursday, and they tell the parents how their kids have behaved, if they have not done their homework, etc. It is the kids' responsibility to get their parents to sign the calendar page.

When 5 kids in my morning class (and later 4 in my afternoon class) either did not have their folder at all or had brought it back with no signature, I was a bit ticked. So I took those kids down to the faculty phone in our hall, and I had them call their parents and tell them that they (the kids) had not done their jobs and that they were in trouble.

During the course of this, several kids had tearful conversations with their parents, and during the course of THESE, I will admit that my internal voice shouted, "GOOD!! Now maybe this won't happen again!"

Top 10 Reasons I Love Benchmark Week

10) Standing around, with nothing to do but watch kids quietly take a test, is practically another mini-Christmas.

9) Gives me a chance to see how students other than my own can do on difficult, tricked-up, culturally-biased questions.

8) My psychic ability gets a workout when I predict who will be next to ask to use the restroom.

7) I enjoy witnessing Einstein's Theory of Relativity in action, where every 5 minutes seems like 2 hours.

6) It's just about the only chance I get the time to quietly count pi out to 254,000 places.

5) As an army of one, I do less all morning than most people do before 9 AM.

4) I swell up with pride every time I hear that one of my students finished their test in 30 minutes without showing any work -- that's like doing a crossword puzzle in ink!

3) Sometimes I fall asleep and wake to find that I'm a giant blue creature on another world -- watching giant blue kids quietly working on a test.

2) With half the day devoted to testing, and shortened periods with my classes, there's not as much time for the kids to waste each day.

1) There is always the knowledge that next week will NOT be a benchmark week.

Reason and mind = success?

Tomorrow will be the first day I've reported to my school this week. It's not because I've been sick or even that I haven't wanted to go. It IS Benchmark week after all, and who doesn't love a good BM?

Instead, I have been off-site at a training with the other 3rd and 4th grade math teachers for a computer program that is supposed to revolutionize the way math is taught and turn all of our students into geniuses.

We'll see.

The program is called Reasoning Minds, and their data shows major success in the Houston ISD and a couple of California and St. Louis schools. If there is anybody reading this who has actually USED this program, I would love for you to weigh in and let me know what you think of it.

Though it seems like something my district has jumped on in a fit of impulse (and midway through the school year!), I am trying to be optimistic about it. Maybe it really WILL help some of my lower kids with their number sense issues. It will certainly keep my higher kids occupied and hopefully give them some harder extension questions, giving me time to work with those lower kids.

Again, we'll see.

From academic fitness news to body fitness news, Joel of So You Want to Teach and Carol of Bellringers have begun a new blog about a fitness challenge they have begun with one another. If you've ever wanted to participate in or just observe the trials and tribulations of people trying to whip themselves into shape, be sure to head over to their fitness blog!

IMPOSSIBLE!!

Yesterday at the end of my morning class session, I did prize basket drawing as I usually do on Fridays. I have a little plastic bucket that the kids put blue tickets that they have earned into, and I draw out 4 or 5 names for pencils and prizes.

As the kids were running up to throw their tickets into the bucket, I said, "Time to play the probability game! Let's see who's most likely and least likely to win!" Pleased with myself for referencing a topic we had covered right before break.

I then asked, "Who would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to choose?" -- thinking that good responses might include the principal, President Obama, Hannah Montana, etc, since they would never have any tickets in the bucket.

Instead, the kids yelled in unison the name of one of the kids in the class. A kid who, in turn, grinned sheepishly and said, "Oh yeah, I don't have any tickets in there."

Hey, he doesn't earn prizes, but at least he understands the concept of impossible.

ratings and drills

We have been back at school for 2 days now, and I have to say, they have been 2 pretty good days. One of the things that has made them really great -- and I know, it's horrible, I'm going someplace in a handbasket, it's very un-teacherly of me to say, yada yada yada -- is that my biggest problem child has left the building. "Timmy" didn't come to school yesterday (and there was much rejoicing), and his mom arrived this morning with the withdrawal papers. Having Timmy in class was like having 5 ADHD rabid wolverines in class, but with worse social skills. I wish him well in life, but I would be lying if I said I was sorry to see him go.

Tomorrow, the meterologists are predicting snow and temperatures in the teens. Today was right around 33 degrees. Today we had a fire drill. I remembered to grab all the stuff they make us grab -- grade book, information sheets, routes -- but I didn't remember to grab my coat. It was NOT a pleasant 6 minutes outside.

At our staff meeting on Monday, we were told about "S.M.A.R.T. Goals" and asked to create a few. I don't remember what all of the initials in the acronym stand for, except that the R stands for "realistic." My school district expects us to have a 90% passing rate on all subjects from all children by the end of this year on the TAKS. I propose that this is a S.M.A.T. Goal -- with apologies to my Boston readers.

Our math coach gave us a list of school ratings and the passing rates required to meet each rating. 60% passing will get us labeled "Acceptable." 80% gets us "Recognized." 90% gets us the coveted "Exemplary."

I say why not shoot for the moon? Is even Exemplary really what we want to aim for? I have crafted my own SMAT Goal -- I will get us a rating of "Effing Outrageous" by having 115% of my kids pass every subject.

Check back in June...

Time to make the donuts...

I SO understand how that Dunkin' Donuts Drone felt for all those years... :)

Tomorrow, we have to go back to school. It's an in-service day, so we will be listening to our peers, talking about articles on education, etc. Of course, since the custodians were already moving everything from my room out into the hallway to clean the floor at 3:02 on 12/18, I think it would be really nice to have some time to put everything back the way I want it to be. But there will be very little time for that tomorrow. Tomorrow is a meeting day, whereas January 19th will be the teacher prep day. That doesn't make a lot of sense, but that is the time that the 3rd 6-weeks grading period actually ends, so that's where the teacher prep day falls.

Thankfully, it has been a super fantastic Christmas Break. It has seemed really long, I feel relaxed -- of course, my sleep cycle is, as always, screwed up after spending two weeks staying up past midnight and then sleeping past 11. I got grading and paperwork done, but I also plenty of opportunity to be a lazy bum. My fiance and I got a lot of stuff done in regards to wedding planning.

So overall, I'm happy with the break. Now my wish is that my kids come back to school ready and willing to work hard and learn much.

I also wish that we didn't have to report until 11AM tomorrow morning, just to ease back into things...

My first call for help... in 2010

Hello and happy new year!

Once again, I am requesting your help for promotion with my book Learn Me Good -- but don't worry, it doesn't cost anything other than a couple of minutes!

There is a site called Authonomy that actually places manuscripts on book publishers desks (e-desks, anyway) if the book is ranked highly enough by users. I have uploaded a portion of Learn Me Good to Authonomy, and already it is getting reviews and followers, but I need all the help I can get!

Please, if and when you are available, join authonomy (takes like 5 seconds, and registration is free), find Learn Me Good, and click the link that says "Back the book."

That's all there is to it, and I appreciate your help so much!

Thank you very much in advance!