Greetings, little childrens!

Well, we're halfway done with our week of in-service before school starts on the 27th. These first three days have been full of meetings, discussions, and seminars. Some have been good, some have been bad, some have been VERY good.

Today, one of the meetings involved signing up for before-school duty. I have been wanting to reclaim my crosswalk spot, because I really enjoyed it last year, and I absolutely HATED my experience the year before which was in the gym, supervising ALL of the 1st through 4th graders.

So in our meeting today, the administrator pointed out the sign-up sheet and described what morning duty entailed. She then turned specifically to look at me and said, "And it would be REALLY wonderful if you would consider taking your spot again out front, because nobody ever wants to do that and it's a really hard spot to fill."

So of course, I let out a deep, world-weary sigh and muttered, "Fine. If I HAVE to. Whatever."

No, I'm kidding. I was happy to volunteer for the spot once again. And then I volunteered Anonymous Joe to be my partner. I might have spoken out of turn there, so I'm sorry if you hadn't really wanted to volunteer, AJ.

So once again, starting this Monday, Anonymous Joe and I will be the first line of defense for our quaint little elementary school. Oh wait, I think they actually refer to us as first line of GREETING.

Hopefully, this year, more of the kids will actually be able to see me, as last year it often seemed that I was invisible. Kids would hop out of their cars, and I would say "Good Morning" to them. They would then run right past me and yell "Good Morning, Anonymous Joe!"

Granted, he IS the beloved art teacher who has been at the school for 87 years. And I'm just a hulking, scary guy in the storm trooper outfit. But still, it's always nice to be acknowledged.

My other vehicle is a TIE fighter

Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went with my brother, my sister-in-law, and their two kids to the Fort Worth Museum of Science. They have a touring Star Wars exhibit that will only be there for a couple more weeks, so we wanted to be sure we got in to see it.

It was really pretty cool. They had a lot of props and models on display, including Darth Vader's armor, a handful of wookiees, and lots of droids. Not just R2-D2 or C-3PO, mind you. 2-1B was there, as was FX-7, so we're talking a geek's paradise here.

It was a lot of fun to go with my nephew, who's not quite three. He kept shouting for me to look at various things, and grabbing my hand to lead me over to other areas to show me stuff. Very entertaining, and a nice activity to get done before school started back up.

I even had a picture taken!

May the Force be with you as you begin this new school year!

Thank your custodians

A week of in-service begins for us tomorrow, but I made my own triumphant return to the school last Thursday. I helped with preregistration (mostly enrolling bilingual kindergarten students) on Thursday and Friday. Friday especially was a stringent test of my limited Spanish -- Yo soy un maestro, por favor, ok? Bueno, gracias!

When enrollment was done for the day, I was able to spend some time in my classroom. The very first thing that I noticed upon walking through the door was the plant sitting on my window ledge.

The fact that there was a plant there did not surprise me. The fact that the plant was ALIVE surprised me very much.

This was an Easter lily that I brought into my classroom at the beginning of the last school year. I took it from my grandmother's funeral, which had been the Friday before classes started. I'm really not a plant person. My thumb is anything but green. But I decided to take on the challenge, and I figured it would be nice to have something live in my classroom besides me and the kids.

For the most part, I was successful. A few leaves turned brown, the potting soil got a little dry at times, and we won't even talk about Christmas break.

But at the end of the school year, I kind of forgot about the plant, and just left it in my classroom. That was May 25. So to walk back in nearly 3 full months later and find it not only alive, but thriving, was quite a surprise.

Turns out that the custodians have been watering it and making sure it gets sunlight. How cool is that?

Very cool, in my book.

They like it! They REALLY like it!!

Thanks to everyone who has posted a bit of information on my "Sound Off" blog. If you don't know what I'm talking about, scroll down one entry and leave a message!

A few days ago, I posted an idea about Place Ball. I posted that idea on a Texas teachers chat board, and today I got some feedback from someone who gave it a try at her school! Here's her testimony as to how the activity went:

We got to try it for about 10 minutes. We went outside to the sidewalk. We used sidewalk chalk and wrote a place value in each of 5 squares. We didn't do 100,000 place. Then I had the students run by each section and say the place value. They loved it. They ran around in circles about 5 times. I got dizzy watching so we moved on. I put a child in each place value, told them their secret number, then they yelled out their secret number. We started with the ones and worked our way up building the value one place at a time. For example:
ones: "I am 5".
tens: "I am 30"
ones: "5"
hundreds: "I am 400"
tens: "30"
ones "5"
thousands: "I am 6,000"
hundreds: "I am 400"
tens: "30"
ones "5"
ten thousands: "I am 90"
thousands: "I am 6,000"
hundreds: "I am 400"
tens: "30"
ones "5"
The other students said the numbers with them.
Then I put five other students in, threw the ball to them. Gave them a number and they had to say it with the proper place value for where they were.
I couldn't remember your directions exactly, but this is basically what I remember. We will play it again next week, we would do it tomorrow, but it will probably be raining since we are on tropical storm alert.
The students loved it.
Definitely a do.

Much thanks to kd in TX!!

Sound off!

Hey everyone, I realize I have done this a few times throughout the year and a half that I have been blogging, but I'm doing it yet again, so who's gonna stop me? ;)

It's time for another roll call, sound off, guestbook, lurker alert--whatever you want to call it. It's quite simple really, I just want to know who my visitors are!

So all you have to do is leave a comment on this post, and let me know who you are, where you're from, and a little bit about yourself. That can be how you happened upon my blog, what you teach (or what you do, if not teaching), or why exactly, you were born with no belly button.

Hoping to get a lot of response to this one!

Also, just as a reminder, there's still time to vote for me (and others like Education in Texas and A Shrewdness of Apes) at the Blogger's Choice Awards! And the YouTube Challenge is still up and running. So far, only 7 or 8 people are in the running to win those T-shirts! Oh, and the deadline has been extended to October 15, to let the school year get underway a bit.

Take me out to the classroom

A few nights ago, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was also trying to think of some ways to get my kids involved in this year in learning basic concepts. I had just read a small article about exercise in the classroom, so I thought maybe incorporating the two might yield some good results.

What my fevered brain conjured up was a new game called Place Ball. Now I use the term "new game" very loosely, as it may very well have been thought of before by greater minds than mine. But it's new to me at the very least.

This is just an idea -- I've never actually put it into play, but I think it might be fun to try this year. We usually cover place value early -- like in the second or third week of school. Place value is something that they should have learned in second, or even first grade, but for some reason, the kids at my school tend to reformat their brains every summer (sometimes they do this over Christmas break, spring break, and weekends as well). So while the concept may remain vaguely familiar, it's still something that many of them struggle with.

So I have two iterations of Place Ball. The first, which could be played indoors or outdoors, is to aid with rote memorization of the place value names and the order they come in. It basically amounts to "running the bases," OR in this new game -- "running the places."

I have my students' desks arranged into five "tables," with each table consisting of four or five individual desks. My overhead machine sits in the center of these tables. I will move this overhead machine over to a position of safety like against the wall or back in a corner, but leave a single desk in the center of the room. Then the five tables and this additional desk will be the six places/bases.

In Texas, third-graders are responsible for learning their numbers up through 999,999 -- so the bases would represent Ones, Tens, Hundreds, Thousands, Ten Thousands, Hundred Thousands. The kids will stand in a line along the side of the room and take turns running the places, calling out the name of each as they tap it with their hand.

I would expect this to be a pretty fun and exciting activity for them, so every time someone has successfully rounded the places, there will be lots of cheering, and any time someone makes a mistake (ie, Ones, Tens, Thousands, Hundreds), I don't think they'll get too down on themselves since they'll be getting plenty of opportunities.

The second iteration is more application. This could be played on a very small scale indoors, but would work much better outdoors. Six kids spread out in a line facing the teacher. Each of these kids represents a place value. The teacher will throw a ball to one of the kids and call out a number. This could be tossing a tennis ball from 5 feet away or throwing a football from 20 feet away. If the teacher calls out THREE and throws the ball to the person in the Hundreds Place, that child is then responsible for remembering that 300 is part of the overall number. The teacher would then throw the ball to another place value and call out another number. At some point, the teacher calls out, "What is your number?" At which point, the kids group together and fit the pieces of their puzzle together to form an overall numeral.

In a large outdoor space, the teacher could be the central point, throwing to multiple lines of children, so it would not be limited to only six kids at a time.

Anyway, that's my idea, and I think it will be very interesting to see how it actually works in practice. I would love to hear feedback on this idea, from anyone who has done something similar, or just from anyone who has thoughts about Place Ball.

At the very least, I expect it to be fun, enlightening, and free of steroid accusations...

Seek and ye shall find

I am always amused by seeing some of the things that pop up as search terms that lead people to my blog. My stat counter program does a keyword analysis, so I can see what people are typing into Google, Yahoo, Ask, etc.

I can see why people would be looking for things like "teacherinsight review" or "multiplications 4 me." And I've come to accept the fact that I will always have at least 10 hits out of every hundred by weirdos looking for perverted phrases based upon my bathroom post from last year.

But here are the few of the funnier or more unusual search terms that I've seen this week.

"Wookie soundbite"

"why do I get unknown calls"

"don't touch me the book"

"db velveeta comic book artist"

"how to call an unknown caller"

"shooting a bird wit your middle finger"

"approval whore"

"what are wookiees good for"

"back cracked bear hug"

"origin of picante"

"touch me shirts"

"drinks for itbs"

"who teaches classes at the Xavier school for gifted youngsters?"

I think that last one is my favorite, though I certainly do like to see a healthy interest for the wookiee community. And anytime you can mix drinks with the ITBS, it's OK in my book.

Big Tex says hi

Once again, Mike in Texas has put together a spectacular Carnival of Education! Go check it out, and click on every single hotlink you can get your grubby little cursor on! You know you want to!!

Twenty-Four

For anyone who does not live in the Dallas area, the local school district of Lancaster, TX (Tornado free since '93!) has proposed a new budget including a 4-day school week. The proposal has since been turned down.

At first, I wondered what that superintendent was smoking. (Possibly cheese?) But then, when I found out that it was in an effort to save the district money, I thought that this was a novel plan that just wasn't being taken far enough.

The proposal was to hold classes Monday through Thursday and give everyone Fridays off. Elementary students would be at school from 7:45 until 4:25. High schoolers would go from 8:30 until 5:30. Long hours, you say? Or, like me, are you saying not long enough!

Here's my proposal. How about a ONE-day school week. We start at noon on Monday and go straight through until noon on Tuesday. Twenty-four pure, continuous, unadulterated hours of academic rigor. AND THEN SIX DAYS OFF!!!

Just think about how much learning you could pack into that day! And think of the savings for the school district!

• You'd only have to pay for buses twice a week instead of ten times a week!
• You'd only have to provide one lunch, one dinner, and one breakfast per week (though I recommend adding a small midnight snack to the cafeteria menu)!
• Air-conditioning costs could be cut, electricity bills could be slashed, water bills could be mutilated and spindled!

Listen, I used to be an engineer, and I took some electronics classes in college. So I know a little bit about electricity usage. And the fact is, every time you flip a light switch ON, you use more electricity than a light that has been on for a solid hour. By flipping all of a campus' light on every morning and off every evening, school districts are blowing through hundreds of thousands of dollars! With a one-day school week, those light switches would only be flipped on once per week. Think of the savings!!

On a similar note, Tuesday afternoon through Monday morning would hardly see any water usage in the buildings at all. There would be no children clamoring at the water fountain or repeatedly flushing the toilets -- quite literally flushing millions of dollars right down the drain.

Administrators could already be thinking of ways to spend all of that saved money. Giving it under the table to contractors that they are related to... Spending it on brand new acronyms for the next round of standardized tests... Or just plain across-the-board raises for the Board of Trustees.

And think of the joy on every student's face when they recover on Wednesday evening and realize they still have more than four days to go before reporting back to school!

I know that children might have a hard time staying awake for 24 straight hours. Heck, most of the kids I teach have trouble staying awake for 5 straight hours! But things can be done to motivate and invigorate throughout the day.

For instance, every grade level would get a half-hour recess between the hours of midnight and 4 a.m. A new generation will experience the pleasures of Ghosts in the Graveyard and stargazing.

In addition, every school will use a new transition sound between classes. The familiar beeping of the clock from Fox's 24 will now accompany every class change. The kids will feel like mini-Jack Bauer's!!

So let's review: Time saved, check. Money saved, check. Academic improvement -- I'm just gonna go ahead and say research has proven it. It's a win-win situation, folks!! Let's bring it before the board!

Challenge is sputtering

Hello everyone (or at least everyone that reads this blog),

I'm here once again to promote the vaunted YouTube Challenge, which for some reason has only had a few takers so far. The numbers of video views has been increasing, so I know people are actually watching the videos, but people aren't leaving comments, and thus NOT being entered into the drawing for a free T-shirt.

So here's my question: If you are one of those people who has watched the videos but not left a comment, will you please leave a comment HERE and let me know why? I realize that some people are reluctant about signing up for an account with YouTube, but if there are other reasons that are holding this contest back, I'd really like to know so I can try to work around them!

Thanks in advance for your help!

Teacherdo List

Tomorrow is August 1st, which means I have a little less than a month to go before the new school year gets underway. So I've put together a little To Do list of things that need to be accomplished before August 27th.

1) Brush up on my times tables -- 6 X 9 is close to 60, but since I teach math, I need to relearn my multiplication facts.

2) Give blood -- the 2nd-grade teachers have already informed me that I will have "the class from hell" this year, so when the vein in my temple bursts, I want to be sure I have a replacement supply on hand.

3) Fix the pencil sharpener -- one of my angels broke it last year when I wasn't around, and now when you put a pencil into it, it makes a horrible sound that makes me think that somewhere, a unicorn is dying.

4) Continue my attempts to conjure paper out of thin air -- since my school has been cutting the number of copies we can make every year, I expect we'll be able to give every student one half-page assignment every six weeks.

5) Get all of my shots -- to protect against influenza, scarlet fever, pink eye, SARS, mad cow disease, Asian bird flu, Alabama armadillo affliction, and Dutch elm disease.

Doubtlessly, more tasks will be added before the 27th. But this will at least get me started. Feel free to suggest any on YOUR To Do list...

The 300 -- a review

Can you believe it, this is my 300th post!!! It seems like only yesterday, I was posting good old number 297...

A couple of weeks ago, I sent out my book, Learn Me Good, to a company called Apex Book Reviews. As you may guess, this company reviews books. A few days ago, they e-mailed me a copy of the final review, and I was very pleased. This is supposed to be going up on Amazon and other sites (and possibly even in selected newspapers) soon, but I wanted to go ahead and post it here, because it is pretty awesome!

So without further ado...

Learn Me Good
John Pearson
ISBN: 9781411665897
Reviewed By Janet Pearson

Learn Me Good tracks the weekly correspondence sent between Jack Woodson and his former co-worker, Fred Bommerson. Having been laid off by Heat Pumps Unlimited, a thermal design firm in Texas, Jack pursues a new career path, spurred mainly by the enjoyment he's always derived from working with kids. With a natural knack for math & science, he becomes a third-grade teacher, embarking upon new adventures in the field of public education - the magnitude of which he can only imagine.

Jack quickly adapts to his new responsibilities, even quipping to Fred about the status report
he'll soon send to the Alumni Office at his alma mater, Duke University:

"Jack M. Woodson (Duke engineering, class of .95) is currently living and working in Dallas,
TX. He has forty children, and all of them have different mothers."

Thus begins Pearson's tale, an engaging study in the real education that goes on in the classroom, outside of textbooks, hall passes, and morning announcements. With its subtle cynicism, biting wit, and endless allusions to pop culture, Learn Me Good draws you in with just how easily Jack's everyday experiences with eight. and nine-year-old children parallels that which we experience with fullgrown adults on the job, at home, and everywhere else.

Without apology, Pearson takes jabs at every aspect of what passes for normalcy among today's
childrearing practices. He even pulls off this commentary on the conduct of a school district representative assigned to check the students' eyesight with sardonic aplomb:

"She felt that some kids may not WANT to wear glasses, so she made her pitch, and I
quote: 'I think glasses are SEXY!...' Should you really use the word 'sexy' around eight- and nineyear-olds? It's like airing a commercial for Bacardi rum in the middle of an episode of Sesame Street (Today's episode is brought to you by the letter B and the number 151!)"

And consider this assessment of the real priorities of today's youth:

"Chassity had been caught writing a note to one of the other girls. The gist of the note was
basically 'You're a witch. Who's a witch? You are, you witch.' And on, and on. Only, she didn't use the word 'witch,' instead preferring a more socially unacceptable rhyming word. Kelly and I had joked about the fact that nearly all of the words in the note were misspelled EXCEPT for that one word."

Pearson tramps the hallowed ground of public education with piercing wit and unrelenting irreverence, giving it a not-so-good-natured - but much needed - ribbing. He even takes a fair swipe at the current presidential approach to education:

"No Child Left Behind? No Child Left Untested Till He's Blue In The Face is more like it."

It's not always fun and games, though. Throughout his narrative, Pearson does an effective job of pointing out the various nuances of public education that rarely bring about smiles and laughter. Chief among these is the concept of mobility rate: the tendency of students to enroll and withdraw at the school at an alarming frequency. He even goes so far as to make the point that merely weeks into the new school year some teachers could have an entirely different class of students, which often makes them ruefully aware of the attachments that come and go:

"Why can't the good ones stay?? I know, I'm being selfish, I'll admit it. I'm just afraid when a
good kid leaves, because it just opens a hole for another Mark Peter to come in."

Considering the fact that Mark Peter routinely steals teachers' items and physically terrorizes other students, one can hardly blame Jack for this sentiment.

Timely, insightful, and absolutely hilarious, Learn Me Good needs to be required reading for anyone considering teaching as a profession. Much like the crip notes for War & Peace, it's an indispensable guide to all the real training you'll never formally get.

Midway is open

Once again, Mike in Texas is hosting the Carnival of Education!

There, you will not encounter any NFL quarterbacks betting on dogfights, immature starlets arrested on DUIs, or jerks posting spoilers to The Deathly Hallows...

The Attack of the Easy Bake Oven

Growing up as a boy, as I did, I never had any experience with toys like Hasbro's Easy Bake Oven. However, a story in the paper the other day caught my eye. It seems that the hot pink, miniature provider of quarter-sized cupcakes is being recalled from stores everywhere. And this is the second time in less than a year!

Back in February, Hasbro was getting loads of complaints from parents whose kids were actually getting injured while attempting to bake. Second and third degree burns were reported, and one five-year-old girl even had to have a finger partially amputated! Poor "Pinky" Patterson has been scarred for life, one would suppose.

My guess would be that the decision in the early 80s to replace the Easy Bake's heating filament with a small ingot of nuclear-grade plutonium has come back to bite them. I mean, to cupcakes really need 2,550ºF temperatures to rise??

This story only opens the door for many more classic childhood icons to be recalled.

Rubik's Cube: Reports are that it causes carpal tunnel syndrome and color blindness.

Monopoly: The "iron" game piece does not actually reach temperatures necessary to create crisp creases on dress shirts.

Stretch Armstrong: Stretches, yes. But arms are not very strong.

GI Joe: Kung-Fu Grip causing numbness and tingling of fingers and other body parts.

Strawberry Shortcake: Not edible or fit for human consumption, as name would suggest.

Quien es muy macho?

Hello, my name is Mister Teacher, and I am a male teacher.

(Hi, Mister Teacher!)

Ms. Longhorn over at Fractions Speak Louder Than Nerds (funny name!!) has posted about the dearth of the XY chromosome within the education career path. She suggests that kids in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades are actually being done a disservice by having nothing but female teachers. If she were an ad-writer for the profession, this would appear in newspapers all across the country:

Seeking educated male with BA/BS and TeXes certification to work with 5-150 women daily who all eye you like a T-Bone steak anytime you walk into the room. Oh right, and you can change the world by teaching some little'uns too.

I honestly haven't felt like a piece of meat too often over the past four years. At least, not like it was during the teacher certification process, when I was the one guy among 30 girls.

I think that the trend has actually changed a lot in the last 10 years or so. I certainly never had any male teachers in elementary school; the first dude to teach me was my freshman algebra teacher in high school. But I actually teach at an elementary school where there are a lot of males.

When I first started there, there were only 5 or 6 of us that taught a grade level. The PE coach, the music teacher, the computer teacher, and the art teacher were all men, but as for K-6 teachers, there were only a handful. Over the past few years, there has been a lot of turnover at my school, and a lot more men have been hired. If Ms. Longhorn is correct, then this trend is very beneficial to the students at my school. However, I personally had mixed feelings about it, seeing as how each new man was one less possibility for a hot, single girl to fill a spot.

Personal feelings aside, most of the parents, and a lot of the kids are certainly more accustomed to having female teachers. On the very first day of my very first year, I got a couple of comments from parents, telling me, "My child has never had a man teacher before." I really couldn't tell whether they thought this was a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, I'm sure their child had also never had a three-headed Martian teacher with no ears before.

I've also had a few students over the years refuse to come into my classroom because they are downright terrified of me. I'm guessing this doesn't happen too often with female teachers.

At any rate, there are certainly a lot of male teachers in the blogging world. For anyone interested, here is a short list:

Ed U. Cater (who actually works with me)
Mike in Texas
IMC Guy
Mr. Chips
KauaiMark
California Teacher Guy
The Smithie

Let's hear it for the men!!

Also, an update on the YouTube Challenge:
A big thank you to Redkudu for getting the ball rolling, but she no longer "pwns" me, which my girlfriend will no doubt be thankful to hear...
Don't miss out on your chance to win a T-shirt!

Updated:
Here are some more blog sites run by male teachers.

Darren
Teaching in the 408
Secondhand Thoughts
So You Want to Teach

We're just wild about Harry

Book 7 in the Harry Potter series -- The Deathly Hallows -- goes on sale this weekend. While many look forward to it with a sense of anticipation, it is also with a sense of dread, as this is the end of the line. There will be no more Quidditch, no more Order of the Phoenix, no more brushes with child abuse at Number 4 Privet Drive.

First things first, this post is a discussion about Harry Potter which contains summaries and speculations. There are no spoilers here, assuming you have read the first six books. Anything that I suggest is based on my own thoughts, and not leaked secrets that I have heard about. If you have not read all six books that are currently available, there may in fact be some spoilers. Read at your own peril.

Due to the set up, especially from book 6 -- The Half-Blood Prince -- book 7 will undoubtedly be a ginourmous tome. Harry and his pals have so much ground to cover. There are Horcruxes to be rounded up and destroyed, Death Eaters to be rounded up and imprisoned, and a certain Dark Lord to be rounded up and sent to oblivion. (Or Bolivia, if you're Mike Tyson.)

So let's take a look at the matter of these Horcruxes. Physical objects into which Voldemort has placed pieces of his own soul. We know that two of these have already been destroyed. Tom Riddle's diary was demolished in The Chamber of Secrets, and Dumbledore himself took care of a ring -- at the cost of one of his arms -- towards the beginning of The Half-Blood Prince.

The other Horcruxes (of which I believe there are 5) could probably be spun off into their own series, with the Junior Order of the Phoenix tracking them down and having adventures along the way. However, we know that Rowling has to wrap this thing up in one final book. Therefore, the gang must not need to take too long to find them.

My feeling is that we have already seen three of these Horcruxes. Voldemort's snake is almost certainly a Horcrux. There has also been a lot of speculation on line that Harry himself is a Horcrux. I have slowly started to agree with this myself. It makes a lot of sense. It would go a long way to explaining why Voldemort disappeared after attacking Harry -- losing that last piece of his soul weakened him too much. It would also explain why Harry can speak Parseltongue, why he and Voldemort have practically the same wand, why Harry can so often see through the eyes of Voldemort and his snake, AND why the Sorting Hat in book 1 suggested putting Harry in Slytherin House, saying, "It's all right here, in your head."

The third Horcrux that we have already seen is the locket. Remember the locket that Dumbledore practically killed himself to get in The Half-Blood Prince? Yeah, that wasn't it. The TRUE locket Horcrux is in The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. There are two clues to support this claim. First, there is a scene in The Order of the Phoenix where Harry and the kids are cleaning and sorting things in the headquarters at 12 Grimmaud Place. An enchanted music box almost puts them to sleep, some doxies try to sting them, and they find a heavy locket which no one can open. Seemingly a throwaway line in book 5, which gains much greater importance upon reading the end of book 6. The other clue is what is actually found in the locket that Dumbledore retrieves from the bottom of the poison. There is a note from someone saying that they have already destroyed the locket. This note is signed "R.A.B.” Who else could R.A.B. be but Sirius’s brother, Regulus Black? (And really, don't you just love how they're all named after stars? Sirius, Regulus, Andromeda, Nymphadora, Bellatrix...) Regulus, a former Death Eater who tried to leave the fold, got the locket, and it would not surprise me at all to find that he already has the other Horcruxes stashed away at The House of Black as well.

Snape. Severus Snape. The teacher we love to hate. Don't even get me started on Alan Rickman, who plays Snape in the movies. He is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO incredibly good at what he does. It's such a shame that they've had to cut so many Snape scenes from the movies due to time limitations. That will NOT be the case with the next movie.

Back to the character. Is he good, or is evil? Lots of evidence to support either side. Personally, I have always been convinced that he is on the side of the right. I tend to refrain from outrightly calling him "good" because let's face it, the guy's a jerk. But jerks aren't necessarily evil. Anyone who has ever watched the new version of Battlestar Galactica knows that Col. Tigh, the XO, is a supreme a-hole. But if you need someone in a pinch to have your back, he's there. No doubt about which side he's on. (Yes, even in the last episode.) Same for Snape. He's got pronounced issues with Harry, stemming from his father, and he's not a nice person. But he IS a member of the Order of the Phoenix, and he IS working against Voldemort.

There's no denying that he killed Dumbledore. However, there are so many clues throughout the book to suggest that Dumbledore MADE him do that. First of all, Hagrid told the kids that he overheard a conversation between Dumbledore and Snape where Snape was trying to get out of doing something, but Dumbledore wouldn't let him. Second, Snape was not actually in on the attack against Hogwarts. He was in his office, unaware, until Professor Flitwick ran in to tell him what was going on. This was well after the attack had begun. Furthermore, Snape could very easily have killed Flitwick AND Hermione and Luna (who were standing outside of his door). Instead, he merely sent the two girls back into his office to look after the professor, whom he had stunned. He may very well have saved Flitwick's life by keeping him out of the fight with the Death Eaters. Third, when Snape does show up at the top of the tower, Dumbledore says pleasingly, "Severus... please..." I don't think he was begging for his life. I think he was pleading with Snape to follow through on their agreement.

If you recall, Harry himself nearly killed Dumbledore earlier in the story. Dumbledore made Harry swear to him that he would make him drink all of the poison in the cavern, no matter what happened. So as Dumbledore began to drink, Harry encouraged him to continue. Dumbledore actually reached a point at which he was shouting, "I want to die!" and "KILL ME!" Yet Harry, hating himself, and repulsed by what he was doing, continued to encourage Dumbledore to drink. Hating himself, and repulsed. How interesting then, that right before Snape kills Dumbledore, he is described as having a face etched with hatred and revulsion. Methinks Snape and Harry are not quite as different as they would like to believe.

Snape actually protects Harry at the end of the story. While chasing Snape across the school grounds, Harry keeps attempting to throw unforgivable curses at Snape. Yet each time, Snape stops him before Harry has even completed the word. He also throws back what seems to be a taunt, but what is actually a rather good piece of advice -- "Blocked again and again and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!" Harry really needs to pick back up on his Occlumency lessons.

OK, now for the theories.

I think that Dumbledore's brother, who is the bartender of the Hog's Head Tavern in Hogsmeade, will come forth to help The Order of the Phoenix.

I think that Neville will survive and go on to be either the Defense against the Dark Arts professor, or the Herbology professor.

I think that people will more closely examine Snape’s pensieve and learn why exactly Dumbledore has always trust him.

I think there may be a chance for Draco Malfoy's redemption. I know it's a very small chance, but he DID falter when he had the chance to kill Dumbledore, and now that he's seen death (Hey! He can see Thestrals now!), he may not be so keen on following in his father's footsteps.

I think that the kids will find the locket and possibly a couple of other Horcruxes in Kreacher’s closet at 12 Grimmaud Place. Perhaps there will even be a Matrix-style Kung-Fu battle to the death between Kreacher and Dobby.

And as for the deaths.

I am almost certain that Snape will die. I think he will die saving Harry though. It will be a very heroic death, and Harry will have to live with the knowledge that Snape was not the person he always accused him of being. Come to think of it, it might actually be kind of cool if Snape died defending Hermione, whom he had always snubbed as being a "Mudblood.”

I really, really, really hope I'm wrong about this one, but I have always felt that Ron Weasley is a marked man. The best friend always bites the dust. I would love for Ron and Hermione to be a happy couple at the end of the story and walk off into the enchanted sunset, but I have a very bad feeling about this.

I also fear for the safety of my favorite teacher in the entire series – Remus Lupin. He has pretty much lost all of his best friends at this point. And though there is the romantic possibility with Tonks, he's bound to be right at the center of the final battle and right in harm's way.

My mom is convinced that one of the Weasley twins -- Fred or George -- will be killed. This would of course completely change the personality of the surviving twin, as there would likely be no more joke shop or frivolity.

Percy Weasley will die in his office at the Ministry of Magic, victim of a freak quill accident.

Thoughts? Theories? Suggestions? Get them out now! Just no spoilers please!!

Reposting, number 1

I've noticed that over at Rookie Teacher's blog, she has been reposting some of her earlier blog entries. I think that's a pretty nifty idea, especially during these dog days of summer, when I really don't have anything new to post about.

So I'm digging back into the early days of Learn Me Good the blog. Back to a time when I didn't have so many readers (only 2 as opposed to my whopping 15 now). So a lot of people might not have even gotten to see this originally. So enjoy.

This was originally published on February 12, 2006.

CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP

As of tomorrow, there will be only 6 school days left until the 3rd grade TAKS reading test. This is the standardized assessment that all third graders have to pass in order to be promoted to the fourth grade. Part of President Bush's "No Child Left Behind" act, this high pressure test has been the cause of more stress than J-Lo's ample buttocks on her jeans. You know, Bush used to be the owner of the Texas Rangers, and look where THEY are. Too bad he never tried to implement a "No Major Leaguer Left Behind."

But here's my thinking. Since there's no escaping the TAKS, and such a huge deal is made of it, why not turn it into something truly productive? Everywhere you look, there are cries of despair over the lack of school funding. Why not kill two birds with one test? Let's get those upper administrators to get out there and drum up some corporate sponsorship!Students in DISD have to wear school uniforms now. Why not use some of that design-free space to advertise product? Hey, if it works for NASCAR, why not grade school?

Here are some ideas for slogans:

McDonalds: You deserve a test today.

Nike: Just pass it.

Trix: Silly rabbit, tests are for kids!

Guiness Genuine Draft: Multiple choice test questions?? BRILLIANT!!!

Cialis: In the rare case of corrections lasting longer than 4 hours, consult your doctor.

Note to sponsors: If any of these slogans are deemed worthy, I would ask for a mere 3% of all resulting profits. Thank you.

Texan in the lead

So far, the response to my YouTube Challenge has been overwhelming! OK, that would be an outright lie. But we do have a clear-cut leader!

RedKudu has posted a comment on each of the four Learn Me Good videos, so if the drawing were to be held today, she would be a clear favorite. However, the drawing is NOT being held today -- you have until September 1, so there is still a chance!

Check out the videos, post comments, and ratings and links are always appreciated!

Win a free T-shirt!!

My girlfriend is the greatest. Yesterday, out of the blue, she sent me a Word document that contained her idea for a new T-shirt. It consisted of a picture of the cover of Learn Me Good, above the words, "Read to me, Mister Teacher."

It would definitely be a vanity item, but how sweet is she to put that together?!

I went out to Best Buy yesterday and bought a brand new toy. It's a Canon digital camera, and it shoots small movies as well. So today, I filmed myself reading a few chapters out of Learn Me Good. And I just got done posting them to YouTube.

For those of you familiar with the book, the chapters that I read were 3rd and inches, flip-flops and a simple science lesson, an athletic supporter, and the eyes have it.

For those of you NOT familiar with the book, I'm hoping that my reading will give you a flavor for what the book is like.

I'm also going to run a little contest. It won't even require you to spend any money, though you will need to register with YouTube. All you need to do is view one of the above videos, rate it, and post a comment (on YouTube, not here). For every comment that you post (legitimate comment, not the same thing a hundred times), your name will be entered in a drawing. Post a comment on all four videos, get your name into the drawing four times.

On September 1, 2007, I will draw TWO names from the list of entrants, and those two people will each win a free T-shirt with one of the designs seen in my sidebar (I teach, therefore... or one of the others).

I hope that you will all check out my videos, and pass on the news of this contest to all of your friends and/or blog readers.

Again, thanks for your support.

Avoiding the NC-17

I found a site that rates blogs, according to the standards of the movie industry. I am very pleased to say that my blog, Learn Me Good, is family-friendly, receiving a PG rating. Apparently, the only reason I didn't get a G was because of two occurrences of the word "death," and a one-time "cocaine" reference. I must have done a review on Scarface or something...

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

Back in Black

Hello, kiddies!

It is I, Mister Teacher, back from my vacation to Washington, DC! It was a great trip. I got to see several friends, and I stayed for most of the week with my old college roommate, Dr. McCheesy.

We saw several really good movies:

Live Free or Die Hard: Fantastic!

Transformers: Awesome!

Knocked up: Hilarious!

Also, as is our tradition, we had a night of “tasty beverages” and terrible movies. Crank, Breeders, Life Force. All of them atrocious, but at least Life Force had the added benefit of a hot chick who walked around naked for most of the movie.

While in DC, I got some walking in, played some hoops, watched a youth rugby game, had a very fun games night, and got snookered into paying almost 20 bucks for a salad. Needless to say, I shall not ever be eating at Whole Foods again, what with their cleverly obfuscated $9 per pound pricing policy.

Great trip, but it's good to be home. And in just a couple weeks, I get to experience the joy that is staff development continuing education!!

WOOHOO!!!!

In other news, Learn Me Good seems to have hit a wall in the Blogger's Choice Awards. It has sat at 15 votes for about 3 weeks now. Seeing as how the top vote getter in the Education category has 145 votes, I certainly have my work cut out for me.

If you have not yet cast your vote, please do so here! And thanks to everyone who has already voted!

Meme of the Crop

Oh no, I've been tagged for another meme, this time by Elementary History Teacher...

This one dictates that I tell everyone 8 random facts about myself. Just so you know, there are THREE random facts about myself that I will NEVER tell anyone! In fact, I don't even know what ONE of those is myself!!!

So here goes, read (and believe) at your own peril.

1) I did the original voice for Lucky the Leprechaun on the television commercials for Lucky Charms. I get half a cent royalty every time anyone around the world mentions green clovers, blue diamonds, orange stars, pink hearts purple horseshoes, or yellow moons.

2) I pay for everything with American Express Traveler's Checks. The people at Taco Bell don't care for this too much, but hey, as Bon Jovi says, "It's my life!"

3) I have an irrational fear of the letter Q and the number 19. I think this resulted from a childhood viewing of an episode of Sesame Street sponsored by that combination that featured Mr. Snuffleuphagus torturing Elmo and pulling out his fingernails one at a time, while The Count laughed and counted evilly. "One fingernail!" "Two fingernails!" Ah-Ha-Ha! (shudder!)

4) My best friends in the whole wide world are Donald Trump and Oprah Winfrey. They ask me to hang with them all the time, and they're constantly bugging me for financial advice.

5) I don't like Sarah Lee.

6) I have seen aliens. Several times, in fact. It's one of my favorite movies.

7) Al Gore is a big fat liar, because it was ME who invented the Internet!

8) I can't count past 7...

OK, now comes the time in the show when I'm supposed to "tag" 8 more bloggers for this meme...

So listen up!

Mike in Texas
RedKudu
Staffroom Showdowns
Lady Strathconn
IMC Guy
Ramblin' Educat
100 Farmers
Ed U Cator

The rules are 1. Let others know who tagged you. 2. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves. 3. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts. 4. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

Good luck, and good night.

YouTube, anyone?

Well, I finally did it. I've been curious to go through the YouTube process for a while now. Not just viewing videos online, but actually creating one, posting it, and seeing what sort of a response it gets.

And here is the result.

My brother and I posted a video today that is goofy, silly, completely unprofessional, yet still somewhat funny. It has absolutely nothing to do with the field of education. However, it does remind us of our early childhood. The video is a tongue-in-cheek review of the movie trailers for the upcoming Transformers.

Please view our video and let us know what you think! And tell all your friends! And tell your friends' friends! But don't tell your friends' friend's friends -- because you probably don't know them very well...

Carnival? ROAD TRIP!!!!

This week, the Carnival of Education is served up Jack Kerouac style by Mike in Texas over at Education in Texas.

There are a lot of great entries, including 13 reasons to hire California Teacher Guy, a Florida principal smoking crack cocaine in his office, and Danish students stripping for their teachers. (That ought to get me some interesting hits from Google...)

After you've checked out the Carnival, please be sure to vote for Mike in Texas and Learn Me Good over at the Blogger's Choice Awards!!

Diplomas and Gorditas

I found a story online today about schools in a Canada district that could have repercussions on their American counterparts.

Ottawa - Canadian students could soon be graduating from "Taco Bell High" or "Wal-Mart Public School" if trustees here go ahead with a scheme to sell school naming rights to corporations to raise extra funds.

That's right, they're following up with an idea that I proposed in my book, Learn Me Good, and here on my blog, about corporate sponsorship. Of course, I just touched the tip of the iceberg, suggesting that the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills be sponsored. But these guys are playing it out a little further, going so far as to suggest that entire campuses be named just like ballparks.

"No one wants to go to Taco Bell High," Ellen Dickson, chair of the Ottawa Carleton Assembly of School Councils, told the daily Ottawa Citizen.

See, I beg to differ. I can already see Sophomores walking around proudly displaying T-shirts that read, "Yo Quiero Taco Bell High School."

In the graduation programs, the tired old classifications of cum laude and summa cum laude will be replaced with Grande and Chalupa. And the me tell you, Chalupa status will most definitely help in students' attempts to get into fine universities such as Best Buy University or College of Kohls.

I'll be keeping my eye on the situation in Canada, because I'd love to hear exactly how much money a school district can make from Wal-Mart or Chick-Fil-A...

What do teachers make?

I totally stole this video from Mike, over at Education in Texas.

All I can say is, "Definitely Beautiful."

The video comes courtesy of Youtube and Teach42.

Sand in all the wrong places

This week's Carnival of Education is up and running over at The Science Goddess's Place.

She has done a great job of tying all of the relevant articles into a nice little narrative. Go and check it out! But watch out for the sand fleas...

Don't touch me!!!

I saw a story on CNN today about a school in Vienna, Virginia (not too far from Mister Teacher's birthplace) that has outlawed high-fives, among other things.

A rule against physical contact at Kilmer Middle School, about 10 miles west of Washington, is so strict that students can be sent to the principal's office for hugging, holding hands or even high-fiving.

Now if said hugging went on for 15 minutes and involved hands in suspicious areas, I could see the merits in this policy. And OK, so you don't want to promote sexual promiscuity amongst middle schoolers, thus the no handholding rules, but high-fiving??? Are you kidding me?

Next they'll be outlawing the whole "Gimme five -- On the side -- In the hole -- You're too slow!" Which quite frankly is a rite of passage to the American schoolchild.

Reasons for this school policy are sketchy at best:

At a school of 1,100 students that was meant to accommodate 850, school officials think touching can turn into a big deal. They've seen pokes lead to fights, gang signs in the form of handshakes and girls who are uncomfortable being hugged but embarrassed to say anything.

What, they've never seen gang signs in the form of physical gestures? Stare downs? Verbal comments??? Will students be required to be rolled in wearing straitjackets and Terminator-esque sunglasses??

Hey "school officials" (if that IS your real name), how about suspending kids who fight, who give noticeable and recognizable gang sign handshakes, and who go around lecherously hugging all the girls, ala Georgie Peorgie!

In other words, don't ban all physical contact -- just ban the improper physical contact! That way people won't be accusing you of being knee-jerks!

Can the lifetime achievement award be far behind?

Today I was graced with an outstanding honor. A fine young lad named Chris nominated this site, Learn Me Good, for a Blogger's Choice Award.

The Blogger's Choice Awards is currently ongoing, and every vote counts! Thankfully, Learn Me Good falls under the category of Best Educational Blog, and NOT Most Obnoxious Blog or Worst Blog Ever (though those two categories ARE available for you to vote on).

If you enjoy my blog, I would greatly appreciate you taking the time to visit the homepage of the Blogger's Choice Awards and cast a vote in my direction!

Unknown Caller

Since I am not teaching summer school, I have been home a lot during the day, and so I have had to deal with those annoying telemarketers more than usual. Sure, I could just ignore them (as I usually do), but sometimes I do pick the phone up and answer the call.

So I thought I'd do a little informal poll here and find out what your favorite ways to mess with telemarketers are.

Here are a few ideas I have had or seen put into practice:

1) I have a buddy who would always hand the phone off to his two-year-old daughter, who was just at that stage where she was able to speak continuously, though not quite coherently, for long stretches at a time. Many a telemarketer got an earful of disjointed facts about Blue's Clues, Dora the Explorer, and gymnastics class.

2) Before the caller can launch into their script, interrupt with one of your own. For instance, if you are initially assailed with, "Hello, Mr. Smith, I have an exciting offer to tell you about!" immediately break in with something like, "That's great, I have something exciting to tell you about too! I was watching this TV show, and it's all about this lovely lady, who is living with three very lovely girls! All of them had hair of gold, you see, like their mother, and the youngest one was in curls!”

3) See how long you can keep the telemarketer on the line while you recount to him the twisting plot points of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. Bonus points if you can get him or her to listen while you read your favorite chapter aloud.

4) Pretend you can hear the person on the other end of the line. This is the simplest prank to play on the telemarketer, but it can have great rewards sometimes. One evening, I picked up the phone and said, "Hello?" and the girl on the other end launched into her spiel. The whole speech must have lasted for over a minute, but it seemed like she hardly took a breath. When she finished with a request to confirm my address, I simply repeated, "Hello?" The girl launched into her whole spiel again! When she finished, I once again said, "Hello?" And she started her monologue again, I hung up on her. It would've been interesting to see how long I could have held her in the repeating loop, but I was getting tired of it already.

Any other tips or tricks you've had success with? Feel free to share them here…

I'm staying in Dallas

Some of you may have heard the news last weekend that I accepted the coaching job for the Orlando Magic. Some ungodly amount of money over 5 years. It seemed like a good idea at the time. If I was going to the paid to deal with whining, temper tantrums, and behavior issues, why not bump up the place value of that dollar sign?

However, I have had a change of heart. Orlando would certainly put me closer to Disney World, but Big D is where my home truly is. So I will NOT be working for the NBA next year. I have chosen to return to the elementary school that took me in four years ago.

Thank you.

UPDATE:

Since some people seem to be taking me seriously, I thought maybe I should put up this link to clarify...

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=2892334

Carnivore? No -- Carnival!!

This week's Carnival of Education is being held at The Education Wonks.

As with any Carnival, there are many fine and upstanding and entertaining entries, and a few seedy ones. All are worth checking out.

On another note, since the school year is over here in Dallas, I will not be blogging nearly as often. This summer, I am going to attempt some serious work on a sequel to Learn Me Good. So I may be blogging every once in a blue moon, but it will not be with the regularity of the past few months. Come the end of August though, I plan on being right back into the thick of things.

In the meantime, anyone who has enjoyed my blogging would really enjoy Learn Me Good the book, so why not head on over to Amazon or Barnes & Noble.com and check it out! And for those of you who have already read it, first a big thanks, and second, I would LOVE to have you take a quick minute and post a review on either or both of those bookselling sites.

Have a great summer everyone!

The wisdom of Solomon

On the last day of school, Thursday, I gave the kids so much stuff to take home. Extra workbooks, homeworks and class work that had been left over, spirals and folders from their desk, etc.

I also had a couple of science project boards that had not been claimed yet. The week prior, I had let the kids get with their science project partners and ask them to take a couple of minutes to come to a decision amongst themselves as to who would take home their project boards. For the most part, the kids were able to come to amicable decisions, and one person from each group took their board home.

But on Thursday, I still had 2 boards from my afternoon class, where the group could not decide on who would get it.

So I told these kids that I would cut the boards in half, and that way each of them would get half of the project. They didn't seem too excited about that, but I told them that was going to be the only fair way to decide this.

I pulled out the first board and put the open scissors on either side of the top, preparing to cut. I asked one last time, "Are you sure about this?"

One of the girls lined, "NO! I want to take it home!" And of course, her partner responded, "I want to take it home!"

So I started to cut right down the middle. (And let me tell you, cutting a science board with a pair of third grade safety scissors is freaking hard!!) I could hear a few gasps of horror as I cut. When I finally presented a half to each of the partners, they didn't seem real pleased.

When I pulled out the other board, one of the girls immediately shrieked, "SHE CAN HAVE IT!!!!"

Ah yes, Old Testament practicality...

So really -- what do you think of me?

Well, I told you I was going to do it, and I did it. Yesterday, on the last day of school, I let my kids write whatever they wanted to about me. I even promised them that I would not look at their papers until they had gone home for the day. (And yes, I did keep that promise)

The writing prompt was: What do you think about Mister Teacher and Mrs. Educator? -- Be Honest!

Many of the responses shared a common theme for both Mrs. Educator and me. We are both mean sometimes, but we are very nice teachers. Oh, and that they didn't like it that much when we made them stand out at recess for not doing their homework.

Here are a few individual responses about yours truly:

“Mister Teacher is the greatest math teacher and funny a little bit.”

“I don't like the way you made us show our work on our work. I don't like the way you teach, Mister Teacher. PS you are nice.”

“Mister Teacher was nice and funny. But sometimes he gets mad and his face turns red.”
[It's true, when I flush and when I blush, I get beet red]

“I like when Mister Teacher shows us stuff like learn names of planets, science, fossils, rocks, materials, minerals, 3-dimensional shapes, but I don't like when his face turns red. No offense, Mister Teacher.”
[If only I turned green, I could say, "Don't make me angry -- you won't like me when I'm angry."]

“Mister Teacher, you really know how to play football.”
[During recess, I had tossed the pigskin around with some of the boys]

And now for a couple of comments about Mrs. Educator:

“I think that Mrs. Educator is a nice teacher and a smart one too. She teaches us how to read and write. She is very pretty. What I like about her is that she doesn't play around and even when she is not looking she can still hear and see you.”
[SO many of our kids did not seem to understand that ability]

“I still like you from my bottom of my heart to the top of my head. Just like a piece of a cake, just a big cake."
[Sweet and confusing, all rolled into one!]


And now for the comments that seemed to apply to both of us:

“What I like about Mister Teacher and Mrs. Educator is they are good teachers and they gave us ice cream and it good."
[This just makes me think of the old Bill Cosby routine –“ Dad is great, give us the chocolate cake…”]

“Mister Teacher is good at MATH. Mrs. Educator is nice, and is good at reading, social studies. Mister Teacher is funny nice hair style nice clothes.”
[FINALLY! Someone appreciates the cowlicks!!!]

“I think Mister Teacher is bad at math he really is bad at it. I think Mister Teacher is good at being nice. I think Mrs. Educator is good at being nice, reading, and writing neatly. I think she is bad at being mean and being funny. That's what I think about Mrs. Educator and Mister Teacher honestly.”
[Underneath this paragraph, she had written “hahaha,” so I hope she was joking, because I'm AWESOME at math -- 26 hours a day, 10 days a week.]

“About Mrs. Educator she's fun, outgoing, pretty, and hard-working. She's a great teacher but too tough on me. See people think I'm bad but they're wrong. Give me what I want and I'll give you what you want. About Mister Teacher he's fun, have good sportsmanship, down the earth, cool, but he's a great teacher he's nice to me and he's friendly. I'm going to miss them (cry).”
[I wish I had started this writing practice earlier in the year, because this kid was a behavior problem, and he frequently bugged the crap out of me, but I LOVED reading his stuff every day! He's the one who ended his first sample with, "have a great day.”]

“This year Mister Teacher and Mrs. Educator were very great because they decided on if I would pass or not and I did and my mom wanted me to pass very badly and I did pass and my mom is going to be very happy at me that I passed and I am glad that I passed too and I'm going to miss them and they were the best teacher I every had at this school they both was letting me pass and they were very nice to me and they were nicer to let me pass. Thank you Mister Teacher and Mrs. Educator."
[Awwwwww, I think she's happy she passed!]

And lastly, the piece de’resistance…

“I think Mrs. Educator is nice. She makes us do fun stuff, and it is easy. I like Mrs. Educator as a teacher. I wish I was in her homeroom.
I think Mister Teacher is mean sometimes. He make us do hard and boring stuff. But he still teaches us good. I don't like his class I'd never liked it I want to go to another class. He is so boring, I only enjoy science. I am happy that today is the last day of school so I won't have to come to this class again. Never. I hate math and Mister Teacher.”
[This actually stings, because I like this girl. Apparently, the feeling was not mutual.]

Thus endeth the lesson. I enjoyed reading what the kids had to say (well, except for that part about hating me), and hopefully they enjoyed it enough to practice some over the summer.

Some other people said they were going to use some of these prompts in their own class. I'd love to hear how things went for you!

You mean that's it??

YIPPEEE!!!!

School is out for yet another year!!!!

Here's my advice to you

Today's writing prompt: What advice would you give to next year's third graders?

I REALLY enjoyed reading my kids responses today. There is definitely a lot of room for improvement, but some of these kids really can pull their thoughts together and write pretty well.

CLEARLY, Mrs. Educator and I got at least one thing through to the kids this year, as it came up in many of the passages today… Do your homework, or else you will miss your recess.

Here are a few other choice excerpts:

“You better study or you will not learn anything in science."

"Bring your homework every day, do not leave it at home and say I forgot to bring it. Do not make an excuse and say that."

"In the third grade you only use the restroom two times, that's in the morning and after recess."

"Keep up the good work and you will reach your goal and you'll become a third grader. Next you will be in third grade like me and you will find what you are looking for."
[DEEP!]

"When it comes to field trips try not to miss them because they are really cool."

“Do not try to talk while you are taking tests.”

"Third grade is not hard like they say."

“And learn to spell words that are hard like goverment, milk way, o clock, teachers, pencil, pennsilvaneya, colorodo, and crayons so that's why you have to learn to spell.”
[gud addvize!]

"Do not talk or play until you have recess or else Mister Teacher will have you stand in a corner or go to another teacher's classroom for 10 minutes or more."

"If you have bad writing practice writing a story or buy a book that helps you write neat. Because you need to have good handwriting in third grade. So your teacher can read it."

“Some more advice would be is don't play in class or talk during class because Mister Teacher will get mad and make you stand in the corner."

And this one, I have to post in its entirety, because it is just fantastic in my opinion. I think it might actually fit more into Monday's topic of “What was your favorite thing in third grade math?” but she wrote it today:

“My advice to next year's third graders is that they got to be listening to what they have been taught. Another thing I will like to say is that when it comes to algebra it is going to be so easy.
Algebra is easy because you only think that you got to do is add. For example F + 8 = 16 -- the answer is 8 which is F. Sometimes it is hard if you see a letter with a two know that you are supposed to multiply. For example P2 = 144. The 2 means square and there is 12 X 12.
Algebra has different types of things to do like in high school middle school you got to find out what a whole bunch of numbers equals to. It is kind of easy if you know how to do little types of algebra.”
[Who knew that a couple of days of the most BASIC algebra techniques would have such an impact!]


All of their responses were really great. But I'm very interested to read TOMORROW'S papers…

The prompt?

“What do you think about Mister Teacher and Mrs. Educator?”

Math -- love it or hate it

I have decided that this week, in an effort to get my kids thinking towards fourth-grade, that I would let them practice their writing skills a bit. I will give them a prompt and about 20 minutes to write on it, and we'll see what they can do.

Today's prompt: What have you liked most and least about math in the 3rd grade?

One of my girls wrote an entire page, only to finish it with the line, "I hate math. I like other things better."

[Hey, at least she's honest]

Another of my children (who clearly needs the extra work on her writing) jotted down this sentence/paragraph:
"I liked adding the leas because it cind of help me but math help me the most and adding just esey to me and it can help kinder gardens and adding is just for little kids and babyies when they get in school and I have fun in math.”

[Let's let the babies add and leave the subtracting to the trained professionals…]

A couple of students had advice/admonitions to offer. One wrote, "There is no such thing as 7:60. You cannot use 60. 60 is a new hour. You cannot say that.”

[Timely advice]

While another wrote, "The least that I like about is dividing because, You should already know your fact family.”

[Yeah, what are you -- some kind of SECOND-grader???]

This one comes to us from the “clearly well-intentioned, but it'll leave you scratching your head” department:

“I like math because it's fun and it's good for your bran and you can get smart and learn to do more fraction math fact you can go to college then get your ageacation than get a job and get money to buy a house for your family and help the poor and you can change the would and help the inacent people a coss the would help the people the server pain and cure people you can be a doctor or baseball player and make money for chairade save people from dieing help people I don't care if they are.”

[Unfortunately, we will never know what he doesn't care about, as he ran out of time. But I just love the fact that you can touch so many people's lives by choosing the paths of medicine or stickball.]

And here’s the one that just made me grin the most:

“I'll liked when I learned multiplying all the way up to the 8. and I liked latest [lattice multiplication] the least. Latest wore me out but Mister Teacher seddle me down have a great day.”

[I'm sure more judges on the TAKS writing test would be willing to give out higher scores if only the kids would wish happiness upon them at the end.]

Hopefully, I'll have more tomorrow! Have a great day…

:)

Calling all lurkers

It's about that time of year when I make an impassioned plea to all of the lurkers out there. Lurkers, you know who you are -- those of you who read but never say anything. While I greatly appreciate your patronage, I just so happen to measure my own self-worth by the quantity of comments I receive in response to posts on my blog.

So I'm asking everyone who reads this blog to take a moment and leave me a comment. Feel free to say anything you like, but if you're having difficulty thinking of something, you are welcome to use the following "generic comment" that I have created for you. Just cut and paste, and add your name to the bottom.

"My dearest Mister Teacher,

You are truly the light of my life. I cannot even begin to consider the option of completing a day without at least one visit to your stunning web site. Your wit, charm, and incredible pectoral muscles send my heart into palpitations of ecstasy every time I read your printed word.

With apologies to Mr. Stevie Wonder, 'I just commented to say I Love You -- and I mean it from the bottom of my heart.'

Sincerely, [your name here]"

That's just a suggestion. Non-lurkers are welcome to comment as always, but you lurkers, now is your chance to come out into the light!!

Mother May I?

This evening was my school's annual International Festival. There are over 60 countries represented by students at my school, so everyone had really gone all out to dress festively, prepare native foods, and decorate the halls with the colors and information about many of these countries.

There were games outside, and food inside. And the fashion show, with kids (mostly) dressed in traditional attire from these nations, was really a lot of fun to watch.

But the thing that will stand out in my memory the most from this night was yet another example of one of my students demonstrating the fact that she has no common sense.

This student, A, saw my girlfriend and me walking around looking at all of the exhibits. So she waves at me to get my attention, and then she yells out, "Mister Teacher! Is that your mother?"

Ummmm, NO, wing nut! Just like the 13 year old next to me is not my grandfather!!

I think that this girl asked me that same question about a friend that had come to observe my classroom back in January. "Is that your mother?"

"Do you have any idea whatsoever how age works??"

It's almost like a twist on that children's story where the bird wanders around asking everyone, "Are you my momma??"

So I just want to warn everyone of this right now -- stand next to me at your own peril. Because if A sees us together, she might just think that you birthed me...

A modest proposal

Today was our last field trip of the year, and I have to say, unfortunately, I really did not enjoy it. My kids were little punctuation symbols, we had a nose bleeding incident that cut our time short, and my patience is just plain gone.

So, rather than go on bitching and moaning for 6 more paragraphs, I thought I'd at least ATTEMPT something humorous. And something occurred to me. I started thinking about athletes’ salaries. They are usually fixed when the contract is signed, but several years back, Ricky Williams -- running back out of the University of Texas -- made news by signing a very detailed agreement. He would effectively get paid by the carry, by the catch, by the touchdown, etc.

More recently, poor Ricky has made news for other things, but at the time, I thought the idea of his contract was pretty darn cool.

So let's apply it to teachers.

Sign us on at some base salary -- let's say $25,000. But we can increase our take-home by documenting events from the following list. Teachers would get paid for every occurrence of the event, not just one time.


Staff meeting .........................................................................................$200

Fire drill .................................................................................................$150

Being pulled out of class to
attend a meeting ..................................................................................$500

Receiving a new child any day
after the first day of class ....................................................................$1,000
-- if they don't speak English ..............................................................$2,500

Parent conference -- on the phone ...................................................$100
Parent conference -- in person ..........................................................$300
Parent conference – w/ irate or
irrational parent ..................................................................................$750

Administering a standardized test ...................................................$250 per child

Child talking back ...............................................................................$25

Child cussing at you ............................................................................$75

Child flipping you the bird .................................................................$50

Child giving you the RING finger
and then saying, "What?!?
It's not the middle finger!
I never flipped the bird at you!!” .....................................................$49.50

Child whining, "They're skipping!”.................................................. $25

Child disrespecting your clothes ......................................................$10

Child disrespecting your hair ............................................................$15

Child disrespecting your car .............................................................$20

Child disrespecting yo momma ........................................................$150

Child threatening to harm you .........................................................$500

Child throwing and hitting you with:
an eraser .............................................................................................$100
a crayon ...............................................................................................$200
a pencil/pen ........................................................................................$500
a book ..................................................................................................$1,200
the student next to them .................................................................$7,500

Child slapping you .............................................................................$2,000

Child punching you ............................................................................$5,000

Child kicking you ...............................................................................$4,000
-- in the nads .....................................................................................$15,000

I'm sure that there are many other things they could be added to this contract. But I think that many teachers would agree to something that followed this kind of format. Heck, if I got paid $25 every time one of my kids cried, "They're skipping!" I'd be able to retire to the Caymans from this year alone!

So kudos to Ricky Williams for leading the way in performance-based contracts. Here's hoping it doesn't lead all of us teachers to smoking joints…

How much for da women??

Last week was Teacher Appreciation Week (which I know is pretty much just like any other week). Typically, this is where students and teachers are supposed to say thank you to us for teaching, befriending, and oftentimes just plain putting up with their children.

Fortunately, most of us are used to not being thanked, so we don't get TOO upset when the week goes by without a word said.

However, one of my little girls -- A -- DID bring me an apple and a thank you card last week, which I thought was incredibly sweet of her. Furthermore, she kept asking me today what I would want for my birthday, because she really wants to buy me something.

Usually, when a kid asks me a question like this, I start tossing out completely random and improbable items. So I said I would like to own Disney World. Or maybe an airplane.

To these suggestions, A replied, "Mister Teacher, it needs to be something I could afford! I only have about $1000 in my bank account!!”

So I said, "Hmmmm… I wonder what I could buy for $1000…”

A answered, “I know! I'll buy you a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader!”

I started wondering aloud if a cheerleader, or any person for that matter, could be bought for $1000. About half of the kids thought that it was possible.

Later, A got ahold of the team roster picture (which that girl is STILL bringing to class, despite all of the EWWWWWWWWWs that it has brought on) and showed me which one she was going to get for me.

I have to admit, she DID pick the one that I would have chosen myself…


In other news, our technology guru and computer teacher approached me after school today and directed me to view my monthly paycheck online. Upon doing so, I was greeted with a very nice surprise. I have been paid for my services as grade chair!!

At the beginning of this year, we were told that grade chair was going to be an unpaid position. This is pretty much why no one else wanted to do it and I got the honor of stepping up to the plate. But apparently, our principal came through for us, and there was a nice little $500 bonus waiting for us this month!

Somebody asked me what I was going to do with my $500.

I told her I'm contemplating buying half of a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader…

You're out of this world!

For the past couple of weeks, my kids have been doing research on planets in our solar system. So of course, this inevitably has led to much pressure on my immature, third-grade funny bone.

Because I'm man enough to admit it -- I still laugh every time I hear the word "Uranus."

So without any further ado, here are some of the quotes my kids have given me in the past couple of weeks:

"Mister Teacher, I have a question about Uranus..."

"Is it true that Uranus rolls on its side?"

"What color is Uranus?"

"I think I want to live on Uranus!"

"Did a spaceship ever land on Uranus?"

And my favorite just happened yesterday. I was having the kids make Mother's Day cards, and I suggested that they incorporate their planetary research -- thus the "you're out of this world!" remark.

So one of my little girls brought over a card that said on the cover, "Happy Mother's Day, I love you."

And on the inside, the very first line was, "I hope you like Uranus."

Truly, a holiday to remember...

Battle Royal

An idea occurred to me this morning when I ducked into the restroom only to hear my kids going wild outside. Just let them go wild. They're going to do it anyway. I mean, if they haven't learned the proper way to behave by now, then they're certainly not going to in the next two weeks.

So why not just have the elementary school equivalent of a last man standing match. A battle royal, if you will.

At first, I thought this quite literally. Just let my boys duke it out and send home the ones who can't get back up. If they want to fight that badly then maybe I shouldn't get in their way anymore.

But then I thought maybe I could really do it metaphorically. I'm thinking I might put all of the kids' names on my whiteboard, and whenever they break a rule, I put a line through their name. Whoever is left unmarked on the last day of school gets some fabulous prize, like my overhead machine or something.

Of course, I can guarantee half of the class would be gone within an hour. So maybe I would have to make it three strikes and you're out again -- like the field trip.

Yes kids, Mister Teacher's patience is wearing VERY thin...

We're walking, we're walking, we're walking... ANNNNNND we're stopping

Yesterday was quite the eventful day, as far as school days go. Any day that involves TAKS scores, a field trip, and a homicidal maniac can only be brought to closure by a margarita (or two). So I was very happy when my girlfriend suggested On the Border for dinner last night. But I'm getting way ahead of myself...

Since our walking field trip was canceled last Friday due to rain and wet weather, I wasn't too optimistic about our chances for yesterday since it was overcast and it had poured for hours on Monday night. But, conditions were deemed acceptable, so we got to proceed as planned.

And so the ragtag fleet set off on their lonely quest, for a shining planet called Earth... Well, roughly 100 kids and 5 teachers set off for a walk to a nearby park (about a mile away).

I always forget just how much I dislike that walk. Kids grumbling about their legs hurting and how they're tired. Kids stopping to touch as many dead animals as they can (seriously -- if you see a dead frog in the middle of a bike trail, don't you have the sense not to pick it up?). Kids moving at approximately the speed that water freezes.

Once we were at the park though, we had a lot of fun. It was indeed very muddy. Not Lollapalooza muddy, but enough so to keep local washing machines busy for the next couple of days. I spent a lot of time throwing a football around with some of the kids, and I would have to wipe the mud and water off onto my shirt before I threw it. So I came back to school looking like I had done an ad for Orbitz gum. But it was fun.

The fun ended rather abruptly, though, when we received a phone call from our principal saying that we had to return to the school immediately. This was about 40 minutes earlier than we would have left otherwise.

So we began the Trail of Tears back to the school. Typically, the walk from school to park takes about 30 minutes, and the walk from park to school takes an hour. This is because kids who were frolicking and playing tag five minutes ago now complain about not being able to feel their legs. The morning walk is paradise compared to the afternoon walk. I swear, I'm going to tell the kids next year to bring cameras so that they can take pictures of dead animals to enjoy forever, rather than having to stop and stare. This isn't the zoo, people!

I actually found myself saying, "Keep moving, there's nothing to see here."

Eventually, we did make it back to school, and we found out that we had been called back because the school had been put into Lockdown. The police department had locked down all of the schools in North Dallas because they had received threats from a guy who claimed he was going to massacre a bunch of kids. What a class act. Thank goodness he didn't stumble onto our group outing!

As for the actual Lockdown, the kids we had left behind (NCLB does NOT apply to field trips) were atrocious. Even though the principal had stated, "This is not a drill," beforehand, my kids were crawling around on the floor, screaming and yelling, and playing around the whole time, according to the teacher we had left them with.

[2 more weeks. 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks.]

We also got TAKS scores back yesterday. I was not happy. Seven of my kids did not pass, including three that I had been confident WOULD pass and one who missed a passing score by one question.

Looking online at the answers chosen, I noticed that several kids in my homeroom left questions blank (no answer). Three kids had 4 no answers in a row! This can only mean that they skipped over a page! One of those three did not pass, and he would have had he gotten those four correct.

Once again, I'm aggravated that we are not allowed to test our own kids anymore. I don't know that it would have made a huge difference, but I do know at the very least that I would have kept an eye on who wasn't bubbling properly!

On a high note, I did have 9 kids who got a commended score, so I was very happy for them.

Thankfully, today was not quite as hectic as yesterday. But I may still finish it off with a margarita…

Your friendly neighborhood movie review

Greetings, True Believers! I am very happy to say that I went to the movies yesterday and saw Spiderman 3, and after reading all of the negative reviews, the critics can kiss my big black symbiote.

This movie ROCKED!

Yeah, it was a little long in spots, but who cares? So you get a little more bang for your buck! The story was awesome!

I really don't want to spoil anything for anyone, but I just have to share a couple of details from the movie.

First, the black costume was incredible. It was sleek, it absorbed all light, and it came equipped with an extra-roomy trunk, which was perfect for storing Spidey's camera and film. But even better than the black costume was what he went to at the very end of the movie -- the purple costume. Just wait until you see what he can do in the purple.

Also, I have to say that I don't recall from the comics the Sandman always singing Opera whenever he fought, but in the movie, it just works. Thomas Haden Church has an OUTSTANDING voice, and it is put to good use here. The scene where he is sleeping in a rotating hourglass is also pretty funny.

At first, I didn't understand why the character of Mary Jane Watson was being played by a different actress in part 3. Especially since Kirsten Dunst is actually IN the movie -- but playing a different character (by the name of Foxy Cleopatra), but after the first 2 hours and 10 minutes, it all fell into place.

Finally, if anyone can tell me why Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump both make cameos in this movie, I would be eternally grateful.

Go see it -- you won't be sorry!!

Whose line is it, anyway?

The old saying goes, "Teachers are always on center stage," but today that took on a whole new meaning for me.

A group called KidProv came to our school this morning for an hour-long performance. There were three guys in the troupe, and they were very funny as they put on improv games and skits that emphasized sharing, honesty, responsibility, empathy, and kindness.

True to most improv acts, they had plenty of audience participation, calling on kids for suggestions and selecting several students at a time to go up on stage and act things out.

One of their first activities involved taking questions from the kids. As an example, the host asked, "What is chocolate made of?" So the first kid-asked question was, "What is sugar made of?" And the next was, "What are popsicles made of?"

Our kids don't always display a lot of originality…

Midway through the show, one of the guys up on stage was talking about responsibilities and getting ready to pick someone for the next activity. When he said, "How about the guy back there in the green shirt," my internal voice went, "Oh crap." Seeing as how all of the kids wear white shirts as part of the dress code, this narrowed down the audience significantly.

When he added, "Looks like maybe a teacher?" I tried to feign ignorance by looking around behind me. But then the kids started shouting, "Mister Teacher! Mister Teacher!" So I had no choice but to bolt from the auditorium in fear.

No, I swallowed my pride and approached the stage. And became part of history. History in the sense of something that has passed, at least. Not anything that would be recorded for posterity (other than here, of course).

Our little skit involved each of the four of us being responsible for a specific word. Whenever we heard our word, we would have to either enter or exit the scene occurring front and center.

The four words were then obtained from the audience. To be perfectly honest, I don't remember all four words, but mine was "pair." Or maybe it was "pear." Either way, I knew what to listen for.

Show to get a suggestion for the scene, the guy said, "I need something that you don't usually FRY. Something you wouldn't put in a pan with vegetable oil and fry up."

Naturally, the suggested word was "Table." You don't fry a TABLE. Good one, kid. The sad thing is, our children actually think this way.

Anyway, the guy starts frying up an imaginary table, and the action started. He said a few things and boom -- the second guy entered the scene. Then one of them asked for a "pair" of something, and my inner thespian took over. And it became quickly ap-pare-ent (yeah, that sort of thing counted) that my inner thespian should stay in the closet.

I tried. I really did. But I just didn't have much to offer on the topic of cooking furniture, other than advising that table would taste much better with ketchup (what wouldn't?). And one of the guys actually looked a little pissed when I kicked him out of the scene by saying his safeword – “eyeballs.”

But regardless of how critical I may be of my performance, the kids were amused. I couldn't take three steps for the rest of the day without someone saying, "You were funny, Mister Pear!"

Maybe I'll have to go to some improv workshops over the summer so I'll be ready for next year's show.

Fried tables will never hold me up again!

What 'choo talkin' bout, Willis?

Apparently, the last month of school is the elementary equivalent of a constant full moon. Kids who were once decent, mild-mannered, and well behaved now turn into Mr. Hyde.

The third grade is going on a field trip this Friday (weather permitting) to a nearby park for a day of outdoors fun. For the past couple of weeks, we have been trying to maintain order by implementing a system of "three strikes and you're out” in regards to this field trip. A strike can be given because of the student not doing homework, fighting, disrespect, etc.

Oh, and for playing with spinners. If you're not familiar with spinners, then congratulations -- they are a major headache. Put simply, they are little paper constructs that the kids play with all day long if you let them. Mrs. Educator and I both made it very clear that a strike would automatically be given to anyone seen making or playing with a spinner. Not believing us, one of our kids pulled out a spinner the very next day and got smacked down for it. The next day, he got his second strike for playing with a spinner again! And yesterday, one of our little girls who already had two strikes made a spinner in class. These kids are no doubt going to grow up to be the people who think that THEY will be the one to survive going over Niagara Falls in the barrel.

Now, two days before the field trip, Mrs. Educator and I have five kids who have already gotten three strikes, and two more who have two strikes! In all, there are already 16 third-graders who have lost their privilege of going with us on Friday. It's gotten to the point where one of the third-grade teachers is going to have to stay at school with these kids. I plan on leaving some calculus problems for these miscreants to work on.

Over in the bilingual classes, they have been dealing with a group of kids who stole things from last week's book fair in the library. This is upsetting and disappointing on so many levels. For one thing, we shouldn't have to be dealing with theft at this age. For another, most of these kids don't seem to feel the slightest bit of remorse. In fact, one of them was telling me that she was going to be suspended today in a tone that almost suggested happiness.

Another reason that I find Bilingualgate so depressing is that two of the little girls involved are the cutest, most adorable little munchkins in the whole school. They always come up and talk to me, often in Spanish, and they used to be sweet as well. Just a couple of days ago, they called me over in the lunch line and promised me that they would not get into any more trouble -- even going so far as to pinky swear with me.

Now, that pinky swear has been completely violated. And if you can’t count on the sanctity of a pinky swear, what's the point to life?

I think I understand how Mr. Drummond from Diff’rent Strokes felt when he learned that two of his kids had turned to lives of crime.

All I can do at this point is to try to continue to cultivate and improve the Gary Colemans of the third-grade…