As of tomorrow, there will be only 6 school days left until the 3rd grade TAKS reading test. This is the standardized assessment that all third graders have to pass in order to be promoted to the fourth grade. Part of President Bush's "No Child Left Behind" act, this high pressure test has been the cause of more stress than J-Lo's ample buttocks on her jeans. You know, Bush used to be the owner of the Texas Rangers, and look where THEY are. Too bad he never tried to implement a "No Major Leaguer Left Behind."
But here's my thinking. Since there's no escaping the TAKS, and such a huge deal is made of it, why not turn it into something truly productive? Everywhere you look, there are cries of despair over the lack of school funding. Why not kill two birds with one test? Let's get those upper administrators to get out there and drum up some corporate sponsorship!
Students in DISD have to wear school uniforms now. Why not use some of that design-free space to advertise product? Hey, if it works for NASCAR, why not grade school?
Here are some ideas for slogans:
McDonalds: You deserve a test today.
Nike: Just pass it.
Trix: Silly rabbit, tests are for kids!
Guiness Genuine Draft: Multiple choice test questions?? BRILLIANT!!!
Cialis: In the rare case of corrections lasting longer than 4 hours, consult your doctor.
Note to sponsors: If any of these slogans are deemed worthy, I would ask for a mere 3% of all resulting profits. Thank you.