My Books

LEARN ME GOOD

Jack Woodson was a thermal design engineer for four years until he was laid off from his job. Now, as a teacher, he faces new challenges. Conference calls have been replaced with parent conferences. Product testing has given way to standardized testing. Instead of business cards, Jack now passes out report cards. The only thing that hasn't changed noticeably is the maturity level of the people surrounding him all day.

Learn Me Good is a hilarious first-person account, inspired by real life experiences. Through a series of emails to Fred Bommerson, his buddy who still works at Heat Pumps Unlimited, Jack chronicles a year-in-the-life of a brand new teacher. With subject lines such as "Irritable Vowel Syndrome," "In math class, no one can hear you scream," and "I love the smell of Lysol in the morning," Jack writes each email with a dash of sarcasm and plenty of irreverent wit.

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LEARN ME GOODER

In this sequel to Learn Me Good, Jack Woodson (no longer a green behind the ears teacher) returns to recount another school year’s worth of challenges, triumphs, and mishaps with a brand new cast of wild and crazy students.

Six years have passed, and this time around, Jack gets a talking monkey sidekick, a beautiful love interest, and a top-secret undercover CIA assignment to Uranus. (Well, ONE of those things is true, anyway.) There are witty quotes, riotous stories, and more twists and turns than M. Night Shyamalan’s small intestine.

Through email correspondence with Fred Bommerson, Jack talks about PTA fundraisers gone awry, unnatural food chains, and how any action can be made acceptable as long as “it’s for science.” With subject lines such as “Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid,” “Green Eggs and Math,” and “Houston, we have a word problem,” it’s perfect for reading in small chunks or one long session.

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I COULDA CAUGHT THAT PASS! A TRUE STORY ABOUT FAKE FOOTBALL

There is something to be said about fantasy football. That something is that it is not for everybody. Those who love it, love it. Those who hate it, hate it. Those who don’t care are called spouses. The name alone conjures up a hybrid image of ESPN and late night Cinemax. 

 But no, this fantasy is not of the erotic type. It is fantasy in the sense that it is the only way most of us would ever be even remotely involved in professional athletics. The first recorded season of fantasy football occurred in 1976, when a young man named… OK, you know what? I have no earthly idea when fantasy football officially started, and I really have no inclination to look it up. That’s not what this book is about. You aren’t going to find the history of the game here. You won’t find advice for how to start your own league or tips for drafting a dynasty. You definitely will not find any ways to sharpen your managerial skills. In fact, there’s a good chance you won’t find any skill at all in this book. Instead, what you will find is an inside look at one fantasy football league. A fly-on-the-wall perspective of ten scrappy managers/everyday Joes – more obsessive than some, less obsessive than most. A touching story of one triumphant champion and nine complete losers. Prepare to step into history. And by “history,” I mean “completely unspectacular events that have happened in the recent past.”

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LEARN ME GOODEST

 First there was Learn Me Good, the (sort of, kind of, mostly) true story about a first year teacher learning the ropes. Next came Learn Me Gooder, the story of an experienced teacher who should know better making first-year teacher mistakes. Now, as the third book in the series, Learn Me Goodest enshrines the series alongside beloved and revered trilogies like Star Wars, The Godfather, and Beverly Hills Chihuahua. 

Jack Woodson, the engineer-turned-teacher (and future Dancing with the Stars champion), is back for another school year's worth of emails with his pal and former colleague, Fred Bommerson. Join Jack as he navigates the tricky maze of overly-distracted students, administrators with bullhorns, and a wife dealing with her own classroom situations. 

Can he convince the class hypochondriac that the school is not crawling with Ebola? Will he live up to the expectations of the crotchety old man inhabiting the body of one of his students? Are there any special benefits to be received from the self-proclaimed "Mayor of Pizza Town" in his homeroom? With subject lines including, "Here Comes Money Boo Boo," "Snakes on an Inclined Plane," and "The Seven Habits of Highly Infectious People," Learn Me Goodest will have you laughing with each new chapter.

 

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