A little light TAKS practice

I have not been blogging with my regular frequency, as I have been incredibly busy. I am trying to get my house ready to sell, so I've been painting and prepping; I'm (marginally) involved with the wedding planning; and I'm jumping through all the TAKS hoops that my school is putting up in front of me.

So if you've said to yourself, "Dang, Mister Teacher hasn't said anything funny in a while!" well you're right.

But I'm here writing now. 4th grade took their Writing TAKS test today, and thankfully 3rd grade did not have one, but we gave practice TAKS tests on Monday and Tuesday. The results are both hopeful and depressing at once.

Within my classes, I had some very high scores. Even 2 kids who got a perfect score and several who missed less than 3. By far, the majority of my kids passed with above a 70. But I also had some very low kids -- 30s and 40s -- and I honestly don't see how I'm going to get them to pass.

So much of it seems to be attitude with these kids too. They know how to do the problems that they are missing, but when it's a test and/or I am not in the room, they don't show any work, they don't do the steps, and so they get the answers wrong.

The ones that REALLY bug me are the questions that ask what is 30,000+2,000+70+3, and some kids are too lazy to just frakkin ADD IT UP AND SEE WHAT YOU GET!!! They would rather just pick the first answer they see that has a 3 at the front.

Anyway, most of you are probably saying, "Dang, Mister Teacher STILL hasn't said anything funny in a while!" and you're right.

So this is for you -- some funny things to say.

Egg McMuffin
Studs Terkel
Dick Trickle
Pound Puppies Posed Provocatively
Expired Vienna Sausages
Shinola
My bowels be runnin'
West Virgina

Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award

Back around the beginning of this month, I heard about this contest that Amazon.com was holding. They were accepting the first 5,000 pitches from (wannabe) novelists, with the top prize being a publishing contract with Penguin Books and a $15,000 advance.

So I entered, and I started to watch the calendar for the key dates. The first was today, where the 5,000 were whittled down to 1,000 based on the pitch alone. I held my breath as I looked down the list, feeling like the high school kid hoping he made the varsity basketball team. There it was -- Pearson -- Learn Me Good!

I made the first cut!! I'm in the upper 20% Now, they review the first 5,000 words of the manuscript and whittle the 1,000 down to 250 on March 23rd.

Wish me luck!!

The Return of the King

I LOVE taking a day off from school, don't you? You can sleep in, it feels like you're playing hooky, and you can get so much accompished that you usually can't do -- I mean, heck, I paid bills, balanced my checkbook, got hotel reservations confirmed, spoke with a travel agent about a honeymoon, bought some painting supplies, bought a new coat, did laundry, cleaned out my closet, caught up on some TV...

On the other hand, I HATE coming back to school the next day because, invariably, I discover that many or most of my kids were complete jackasses to the substitute and to each other. I find things missing from my desk (a dollar's worth of quarters this time). I find papers turned in with no names and no work on them. I find (usually lengthy) lists of names of people that misbehaved.

And today, I found one kid in In School Suspension.

Why can't I just come back and find one or all of the following:

• A glowing note about ALL of my students.
• Completed work with all steps and strategies shown.
• A winning Mega Jackpot lottery ticket.

A mental health birthday

Today was my birthday!

As a present to myself, I am taking Monday off (thus the reason I'm still up at 1AM). Taking a break from painting the house, grading papers, making tests, etc. Still have plenty to do, but I need a mental health day!

So You Want to Teach?

Sorry, Joel, totally, ripped off your blog's name here.

But, I received an email from Wendy Graham the other day, linking to a post that she put together recently. The post is called 100 Reasons to be a Teacher, and it's worth checking out.

I might not agree completely with the entire list, but there are some good ones on there.

Number 8 -- Holidays and Weekends – Having this time off is a gift that teachers take for granted too often

Number 46 -- Students – Molding Minds – The age old idea of teaching someone something they need to know

Number 80 -- Problem solving – Large and small problems occur and are addressed daily

Intsitute of Hihger Laerning

About a week ago, this picture of Freshman phenom basketball player John Wall appeared online. Note the spelling of his university.

Just goes to show that spelling IS important!

But hey, at least it's not quite as bad as 3 years ago, when the West Virginia Mountaineers won the NIT. Check out their championship T-shirts here. (Hint, they mistakenly left off the final "i.")

All that snow...

Yesterday, as I mentioned, was a snow day here in Dallas. Not a day off from school, mind you, but a day where we had classes with 3-4 inches of snow on the ground outside. This is about as rare in Dallas, Texas as Britney Spears making sense in an interview.

I usually keep my shades closed in the classroom, but I opened one up so we could see the snow falling out in the courtyard. At around 9:15, I had to open several more, because our power went out and we needed the extra light. The power was out until almost 10:30.

In the meantime, after we got our initial work done (in the low light), I thought I'd give the kids a bit of a reward and take them outside to play in the snow. We got all bundled up and ready to go when one of the administrators walked by and said that no one was allowed to go outside.

D'OH!!! They won't even let us play in the snow!!!

By lunchtime, after-school tutoring had been cancelled, and it was a good bet that school would be cancelled for Friday (today). The kids were admonished, in a PA announcement, to go STRAIGHT to their buses and not play around in the snow.

Of course, as I was leading my class out to the buses, and I kept hearing other teachers shouting, "NO!! Put that snow down!!" I kept thinking, "I can't possibly tell a kid not to make a snowball when I want so desperately to make one myself!!!"

As soon as the first bus took off, I was throwing snowballs at other teachers. It just seemed such a waste of good snow NOT to use it!!

Sure enough, today was an official inclement weather day, and there was no school. While awesome in one sense, it stinks in another, because I had ordered some Valentine's Day flowers to be delivered to my fiance at her school. No go on that one.

But we did take advantage of the snow to build a snowman and take a few pictures. And thankfully, we haven't lost power here yet!

Just a regular school day

It's a little after 7am as I write this. I'm looking out the window, where the snow is coming down somewhat intensely, and the ground is covered in white.

Yet school is open today, just like any other day.

Thank you, DISD.

You're entitled to your opinion

Last Friday, I gave a Fact vs. Opinion test, and in my ever so humble opinion, there are several kids who just don't get it -- and that's a fact!

Apparently, "Broccoli tastes nasty!" is a fact to some. As is, "John Cena is awesome!"

Conversely, it is merely one's opinion that "One yard equals three feet," or that "There are 50 states in the USA."

Any Language Arts teachers out there have a great way of teaching fact vs opinion?

How I Became a Tutor

Thursdays are after-school tutoring days at my school, which just makes them about the longest days ever -- second only to Parent Conference night. Come to think of it, conferences are always on Thursdays.

Tutoring has not been bad this year, but my morning class really got under my skin today. There are 19 kids, yet it always seems to be the same 3 or 4 raising their hands and answering questions. When I call on others, they stare blankly at me or they give me crazy answers. Yet these same kids don't pay any attention to the kids who give correct answers. Very frustrating.

We also went on a field trip today. We went to the Dallas Children's Theater to see their production of How I Became a Pirate.

I enjoyed it. We had read the story earlier this week, so it was fun to note the differences and similarities between the two. We'll be doing a compare and contrast in class later, so it will be interesting to see what the kids come up with.

There was a 10 minute intermission during the play, during which 3 kids begged me to let them use the bathroom -- despite my very stern warnings before leaving the school that they could NOT go once we were there. When the intermission began, one boy in front of me turned and said, "Man, this is boring! All they are doing is dancing!"

His neighbor argued that he thought it was interesting, and the first boy amended his statement to say, "It IS interesting, but it's just a little boring!"

Overall, the kids were really well behaved, and the show was enjoyable. I think the funniest reference was on pirate shouting, "We're gonna need a bigger boat!" when a shark appeared off the bow.

Tomorrow appears to be another shirt and tie day. I really miss casual Fridays. We have them sporadically, but not nearly often enough.

Maybe I can just dress as a pirate and say it's class-related...

The fact is, we cannot do that

Yesterday was a very interesting day.

We had a conference with a student's mother who told us that she thought we should put tape over her son's mouth to embarrass him into not talking so much. Though the thought had certainly crossed my mind, it's sad for a number of reasons. First, that she would think we COULD do that even if we wanted to, and second, that she would suggest that WE do it in class rather than her doing something herself.

During class, we were discussing fact vs. opinion. I asked if the following statement was a fact or an opinion -- Mister Teacher is a math teacher.

We all agreed that it was a fact. I then added a word, saying Mister Teacher is a great math teacher.

Many of the kids still said fact, and quite frankly, I was reluctant to correct them. :)

Control in the Classroom

Today we feature a guest post from Nancy Simmons of Online Science Degrees entitled "Controlling a Classroom -- Are Teachers up for It?" This is a post that hits somewhat close to home for many or most of us.

Controlling a Classroom – Are Teachers up to It?

Back in the days when I was in school, I used to look up to my teachers as if they were demigods who could do no wrong. In my eyes, they were perfect and I strived to do my best for them because I wanted to please them in every possible way. It was only as I grew older that the sheen lifted from my eyes and I realized that teachers were human as well. But within the confines of a classroom, any teacher worth his salt has a demeanor to uphold, one that portrays dignity and knowledge. They come across as learned in their subject and wise in other areas as well.

For example, teachers who handle younger students are often able to read children even though they are not trained psychologists. They have a knack for picking out trouble makers and isolating them from the rest of the class so that any impending chaos is nipped in the bud. And professors in college know that they’re not really responsible for the moral behavior of their students and as long as their classes are not disturbed or interrupted, they don’t really worry about their students’ performance.

But even though the best of teachers appear to be unflappable most of the time and seem in control of any situation, there are times when their human nature tends to come out and affect the way they control their classroom:

· When their personal lives are affected: My fifth grade teacher was the best in the business, so when she broke down in the middle of a lesson on the first day of a new term, we were all stunned to say the least. She had always seemed so cool and controlled, never exceeding her limits of friendliness that were couched in a teacher’s veneer. We later learned that her husband had passed away during the vacation, in a boating accident. That was the day I realized that personal tragedy can overcome even the staunchest of us in any situation.

· When they cannot regain control of a classroom: Most teachers know how to control their classes, but when one or two rogue elements succeed in creating havoc and causing a ruckus, things get out of hand and the teacher does not really know what to do. So they resort to shouting and screaming, all of which is to no avail. Then comes the loss of temper and the total helplessness which forces them to sit back and do nothing other than wait for the class to settle down on its own. The only way they can regain control is if they appeal to a higher authority or use their powers to threaten the students in some way.

· When they don’t have the support of the school management: And finally, teachers who do not have the backing of the school management always find themselves at the receiving end in class, no matter how good they are at their job. Troublemakers know that they are helpless, and so take great pleasure in disrupting their classes and causing mayhem.

The bottom line - a teacher must be knowledgeable in much more than the subject – only then can he or she be king/queen of the classroom.

By-line:

This guest post is contributed by Nancy Simmons, who writes on the topic of online science degrees . She welcomes your comments at her email address: nancy.simmons09@gmail.com .

Another candle on the cupcake

It almost passed me by without me realizing it, but today (actually yesterday now) is Learn Me Good's blogiversary!

I started this little thing on January 30, 2006. Hard to believe it's been around for 4 solid years.

Thanks to everyone who has read, followed, tweeted, passed on, etc!

Movie potential?

I was feeling rather vain today, so I Googled my book. I put in "Learn Me Good" and Kindle together to see what would come up that I wasn't already aware of.

On the first page, I found a link here. The title is 3 Kindle Indie authors deserving book deals.

The author of the post, one Switch11, states that there is potential for a movie.

So ya hear that, Hollywood?? Let's get it together, people!!

The new sensation that's sweeping the nation

Today, I overheard one of the other 3rd grade teachers talking about one of her kids trying to smuggle food out of the cafeteria. This juvie wannabe was putting bags of Hot Cheetoes down his pants to sneak them out into the classroom.

I suggested that we had a new viral hit on our hands, along the lines of "Pants on the Ground."

"Chips in your pants, chips in your pants! Lookin' like a fool with your chips in your pants!"

Video to follow soon.

Story time

This week, as part of ELA class, I've been reading aloud a story each day and having the kids complete a small literary element chart. Characters, Setting, Problem, Solution, and Summary.

Today, I read them MY story from last year -- The Million Dollar Test (which can be found here).
I needed another story, AND I figured it wasn't too early for them to hear a story about the importance of showing their work on tests.

They really enjoyed it! In fact, my afternoon class was asking for copies of it, and asking if I could write another story!

I'm thinking maybe I could charge a buck a copy and pay off my mortgage!

Paging Mr. Noodle

I have decided that I shall henceforth teach in the style of Mr. Noodle, from Elmo's World via Sesame Street.

For anyone unfamiliar with Mr. Noodle, he is a character that (apparently) lives in Elmo's window and has a very unique style of interpreting questions. Allow me to give you an example...

Elmo will roll up the shade, "waking" Mr. Noodle (the similarities to a peep show booth stop -- for the most part -- there.) Elmo will then ask Mr. Noodle about whatever the topic of the day is. Swimming, cows, lightbulbs, whatever. Elmo may say, "Mr. Noodle, how do you put on your shoes?"

Mr. Noodle will then do something outrageously stupid, ie, put a shoe in his mouth, making Elmo wonder if he has an IQ below 30.

At this point, unseen kids will join the fray, shouting, "NOOOOO, that's not right, Mr. Noodle!!"

Senor Noodle will then do something only slightly less "touched," such as put the shoes down his pants. Again, the kids will patiently yell, "NOOOOO, Mr. Noodle! Shoes don't go there!"

Typically, Mr. Noodle will perform a third troglodytic act, maybe balance a shoe on his head. At this point, we're all waiting to hear the kids shout, "Are you EFFING SH!TTING me???" but they always seem to be inhumanly restrained.

Anyway, enough of the wikipedia article about Elmo's World. The point I am getting at is that I am going to reverse my whole teaching style and try to Noodle it up a bit more. No more probing questions and accurate answers. Instead, when we talk about Perimeter, I am going to randomly make tally marks and wait for the kids to realize that I'm doing the wrong thing and shout, "NOOOOO!" at me. Then I will start dividing a circle into wedges until they again shout at me.

Maybe I will have more success with this technique than ever before.

I'll let you know. For now, I'm going to post this by touching my monitor. If that doesn't work, I'll turn around 3 times in my swivel chair and hoot like an owl.

You have GOT to be kidding me

Yesterday, we gave an Objective 1 math test. Objective 1 covers most of the basics of mathematics -- all 4 operations, place value, putting numbers in order, rounding, counting money, and fractions.

There were 21 questions on the test. We did absolutely nothing else during class all day. We started the test as soon as the kids sat down. Some kids even worked on the test outside during our Friday recess time.

Still, I had 7 kids who did not finish the test. 2 of them only completed the first 14 questions.

I certainly do not want my kids to race recklessly through a test, answering without thinking, and trying to get done as quickly as possible. However, 2 and a half hours is more than enough time to complete 21 rather basic math questions. In each class, after 1 hour, I made an announcement that people not on at least question 10 were working too slowly and spending too much time on problems, and that they needed to work a little faster to finish on time. I then went around and cajoled individuals who were still on question 4 or 5. I announced a half hour remaining. I announced 20 minutes and then 10 minutes remaining. Did it speed these kids up? No, of course not.

Now, I find myself very torn on what to do. I am sorely tempted to count the unfinished problems incorrect and move on with Monday's plans. However, in addition to making for extremely low grades for those kids who did not finish, I also don't get a true feel for whether or not they actually CAN answer some of those later questions. But, if I devote class time on Monday to finishing, I have no doubt that the kids who only did 14 questions in 2 and a half hours will take the entire class time on Monday to finish -- if then!!

Anybody ever have this kind of experience? What do you do??

Book trailers anonymous

My "infomercial" for Learn Me Good is currently running in a contest over at this site. Voting runs from today through next Tuesday, the 26th.

Please vote for Learn Me Good!

Note: The link has been fixed to go straight to the page that features my trailer. Thanks, Ginger!

Crying? Good!

I love to make kids cry.

OK, I don't really, but I just HAD to write that first sentence. Occasionally, though, I do get a small sense of satisfaction when kids in my class cry. Because it tells me that something has finally mattered enough to them to get some kind of reaction.

On Friday, several kids in both classes did not bring their conduct folders back signed. These folders go home every Thursday, and they tell the parents how their kids have behaved, if they have not done their homework, etc. It is the kids' responsibility to get their parents to sign the calendar page.

When 5 kids in my morning class (and later 4 in my afternoon class) either did not have their folder at all or had brought it back with no signature, I was a bit ticked. So I took those kids down to the faculty phone in our hall, and I had them call their parents and tell them that they (the kids) had not done their jobs and that they were in trouble.

During the course of this, several kids had tearful conversations with their parents, and during the course of THESE, I will admit that my internal voice shouted, "GOOD!! Now maybe this won't happen again!"

Top 10 Reasons I Love Benchmark Week

10) Standing around, with nothing to do but watch kids quietly take a test, is practically another mini-Christmas.

9) Gives me a chance to see how students other than my own can do on difficult, tricked-up, culturally-biased questions.

8) My psychic ability gets a workout when I predict who will be next to ask to use the restroom.

7) I enjoy witnessing Einstein's Theory of Relativity in action, where every 5 minutes seems like 2 hours.

6) It's just about the only chance I get the time to quietly count pi out to 254,000 places.

5) As an army of one, I do less all morning than most people do before 9 AM.

4) I swell up with pride every time I hear that one of my students finished their test in 30 minutes without showing any work -- that's like doing a crossword puzzle in ink!

3) Sometimes I fall asleep and wake to find that I'm a giant blue creature on another world -- watching giant blue kids quietly working on a test.

2) With half the day devoted to testing, and shortened periods with my classes, there's not as much time for the kids to waste each day.

1) There is always the knowledge that next week will NOT be a benchmark week.

Reason and mind = success?

Tomorrow will be the first day I've reported to my school this week. It's not because I've been sick or even that I haven't wanted to go. It IS Benchmark week after all, and who doesn't love a good BM?

Instead, I have been off-site at a training with the other 3rd and 4th grade math teachers for a computer program that is supposed to revolutionize the way math is taught and turn all of our students into geniuses.

We'll see.

The program is called Reasoning Minds, and their data shows major success in the Houston ISD and a couple of California and St. Louis schools. If there is anybody reading this who has actually USED this program, I would love for you to weigh in and let me know what you think of it.

Though it seems like something my district has jumped on in a fit of impulse (and midway through the school year!), I am trying to be optimistic about it. Maybe it really WILL help some of my lower kids with their number sense issues. It will certainly keep my higher kids occupied and hopefully give them some harder extension questions, giving me time to work with those lower kids.

Again, we'll see.

From academic fitness news to body fitness news, Joel of So You Want to Teach and Carol of Bellringers have begun a new blog about a fitness challenge they have begun with one another. If you've ever wanted to participate in or just observe the trials and tribulations of people trying to whip themselves into shape, be sure to head over to their fitness blog!

IMPOSSIBLE!!

Yesterday at the end of my morning class session, I did prize basket drawing as I usually do on Fridays. I have a little plastic bucket that the kids put blue tickets that they have earned into, and I draw out 4 or 5 names for pencils and prizes.

As the kids were running up to throw their tickets into the bucket, I said, "Time to play the probability game! Let's see who's most likely and least likely to win!" Pleased with myself for referencing a topic we had covered right before break.

I then asked, "Who would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to choose?" -- thinking that good responses might include the principal, President Obama, Hannah Montana, etc, since they would never have any tickets in the bucket.

Instead, the kids yelled in unison the name of one of the kids in the class. A kid who, in turn, grinned sheepishly and said, "Oh yeah, I don't have any tickets in there."

Hey, he doesn't earn prizes, but at least he understands the concept of impossible.

ratings and drills

We have been back at school for 2 days now, and I have to say, they have been 2 pretty good days. One of the things that has made them really great -- and I know, it's horrible, I'm going someplace in a handbasket, it's very un-teacherly of me to say, yada yada yada -- is that my biggest problem child has left the building. "Timmy" didn't come to school yesterday (and there was much rejoicing), and his mom arrived this morning with the withdrawal papers. Having Timmy in class was like having 5 ADHD rabid wolverines in class, but with worse social skills. I wish him well in life, but I would be lying if I said I was sorry to see him go.

Tomorrow, the meterologists are predicting snow and temperatures in the teens. Today was right around 33 degrees. Today we had a fire drill. I remembered to grab all the stuff they make us grab -- grade book, information sheets, routes -- but I didn't remember to grab my coat. It was NOT a pleasant 6 minutes outside.

At our staff meeting on Monday, we were told about "S.M.A.R.T. Goals" and asked to create a few. I don't remember what all of the initials in the acronym stand for, except that the R stands for "realistic." My school district expects us to have a 90% passing rate on all subjects from all children by the end of this year on the TAKS. I propose that this is a S.M.A.T. Goal -- with apologies to my Boston readers.

Our math coach gave us a list of school ratings and the passing rates required to meet each rating. 60% passing will get us labeled "Acceptable." 80% gets us "Recognized." 90% gets us the coveted "Exemplary."

I say why not shoot for the moon? Is even Exemplary really what we want to aim for? I have crafted my own SMAT Goal -- I will get us a rating of "Effing Outrageous" by having 115% of my kids pass every subject.

Check back in June...

Time to make the donuts...

I SO understand how that Dunkin' Donuts Drone felt for all those years... :)

Tomorrow, we have to go back to school. It's an in-service day, so we will be listening to our peers, talking about articles on education, etc. Of course, since the custodians were already moving everything from my room out into the hallway to clean the floor at 3:02 on 12/18, I think it would be really nice to have some time to put everything back the way I want it to be. But there will be very little time for that tomorrow. Tomorrow is a meeting day, whereas January 19th will be the teacher prep day. That doesn't make a lot of sense, but that is the time that the 3rd 6-weeks grading period actually ends, so that's where the teacher prep day falls.

Thankfully, it has been a super fantastic Christmas Break. It has seemed really long, I feel relaxed -- of course, my sleep cycle is, as always, screwed up after spending two weeks staying up past midnight and then sleeping past 11. I got grading and paperwork done, but I also plenty of opportunity to be a lazy bum. My fiance and I got a lot of stuff done in regards to wedding planning.

So overall, I'm happy with the break. Now my wish is that my kids come back to school ready and willing to work hard and learn much.

I also wish that we didn't have to report until 11AM tomorrow morning, just to ease back into things...

My first call for help... in 2010

Hello and happy new year!

Once again, I am requesting your help for promotion with my book Learn Me Good -- but don't worry, it doesn't cost anything other than a couple of minutes!

There is a site called Authonomy that actually places manuscripts on book publishers desks (e-desks, anyway) if the book is ranked highly enough by users. I have uploaded a portion of Learn Me Good to Authonomy, and already it is getting reviews and followers, but I need all the help I can get!

Please, if and when you are available, join authonomy (takes like 5 seconds, and registration is free), find Learn Me Good, and click the link that says "Back the book."

That's all there is to it, and I appreciate your help so much!

Thank you very much in advance!

You had me at "Long Division"

I have a new product up over at my store at Cafepress. The idea came up during a discussion with friends at happy hour, er I mean book club one day...

How will this effect/affect you?

Someone recently brought to my attention that I had a post with multiple misspellings. In light of that, AND a great link I saw on Twitter today, I am forwarding this link. It is from a site called "The Oatmeal," and it is really quite hilarious.

Not sure of when to use effect or affect? It's covered, with hilarious example sentences. Unsure of the difference between their, they're, and there? The Oatmeal helps you there too. Oh yeah, and alot is not even a real word...

Check it out, and laff you're but of. Or rather, laugh your butt off.

2009 in review

It's that time of year again -- the old year is ending, the new year is fast approaching. Once again, I have eschewed traditional Christmas cards, instead preferring to spread my Year in Review across the internet.

I hope that everyone has had a very happy holiday season and that you are with or have been with loved ones. Here is what I was up to this past year:

January
2009 began with my girlfriend Tamara and me playing Wii until five in the morning and then sleeping until around four the next day. We were subsequently treated to a fresh start, as we watched a new president sworn into office, and I managed to obtain a valuable comic book featuring said president and a certain friendly neighborhood wall crawler.

A few weeks into the year, Dallas ISD actually closed for an incredibly rare snow day -- of course, by 10 a.m., it was 70° outside.

February

In addition to the usual greatness of February -- Valentine's Day, MY birthday, Duke vs. Carolina -- 2009 brought an extra bonus. I was able to lay claim to my very own domain name! learnmegood.com just sort of rolls off the tongue, much more so than my second choice – formerengineerturnedthirdgradeteacherblogsaboutlifeobservationsandgeneralstuff.com.

February was also the month that I went ahead and finished Franz Schubert's Symphony Number 8. It had been bugging me for a while that it had been left unfinished, so I broke out the harmonica, the pan flute, and the sitar and completed it with pizzazz.

March

March began on a sad note as the good folks at education.com told me my services as a columnist would no longer be needed. Fortunately, the reason for this was their discontinuation of all columns, and NOT anything I had said about their webmaster's taste in interior decoration.

Towards the end of the month, I experienced a parent-teacher conference night like none before -- parents actually showed up! LOTS of them! One more difference between teaching Gen Ed and Dual-Language. Thankfully, some of the parents DID speak English, so I didn't have to resort to clicks and whistles all night.

April

According to news reports at the time, the H1N1 virus, formerly known as swine flu, formerly known as Porky's Dilemma, was contracted by approximately 98.5% of the population, yet I somehow managed to stave it off. I credit my immunity to an inbred affiliation with the Washington Redskins, providing the necessary antibodies to all pig-related diseases.

With schools (and an entire districts!) closing down all around us, I bought stock in Purell and sold it a week later for a profit of $250,000.

May

As the school year of approach to its cyclical end, we threw our traditional International Festival. This year, the third grade chose to represent China and Ireland. Our contribution of food in the cafeteria consisted of egg rolls and Lucky Charms, and our hall was decorated with pictures of Oriental-looking leprechauns.

On the last day of May, I received an email from a Dr. Clement Okon, the former prince of Nigeria. I don't want to go into details here, but suffice it to say, I will soon be a very rich man…

June

What was quite possibly my greatest year as a teacher -- definitely my best group of kids -- wrapped up nicely, and our long summer vacation began. I figured it was time to look Blanco up on a map and visit Tamara at her parents' home. She gave me good driving directions, and sure enough when I took a right turn at THE light in town (no kidding -- one street light in Blanco!), I was almost there. It was my first time to meet Tamara's dad, and when I left, he lovingly welcomed me into the family by calling me, "just another bozo."

July

With Independence Month kicking off, Tamara and I took a trip up north to the Birthplace of Freedom -- Boston, Massachusetts. We walked the Freedom Trail (all 3 miles!), visited Cheers, and had baked beans. We then took a train down to New York City where we got to see David Letterman BEFORE his scandal. I was also able to score a major public relations coup at the Statue of Liberty by thanking a 17 year-old French girl for her country's gift to mine.

With my days off, I was also able to complete my time machine project. My first usage took me back to Guatemala in the year 888 where I befriended some top Mayan officials who were working on a stone calendar. I told them about the show in our time called "Punk'd" and suggested that they Punk the rest of the world by halting their calendar at the year 2012. When I returned, I observed that our little prank had been highly successful.

August

It seemed like only a four-day weekend, but the 2 1/2 month vacation came to an end mid-August. My question of "would all Dual-Language classes be as wonderful as last year's -- full of hard-working students who really want to learn and do their best" was quickly answered. Not so much.

With many school nights on the horizon, we sadly ended our new summer tradition of Wednesday night trivia at the local pub. No doubt, the regulars there toasted our absence with a hearty chorus of, "Where are those people that never get anything right?"

September

9/9/09 was a major milestone as my debut single dropped and the music industry would never be the same. Combining country and rap, C-RAP is a fresh new innovation and "All up in da pickup" is projected to be CD of the year.

In the latest home improvement project, I had a new fence put in around my back yard. I can now sunbathe nude in peace, though I am starting to question my choice of rod iron instead of wood plank.

October

After nearly 3 years of paranoia-inducing back pain, I finally mustered up the courage to rejoin my beloved volleyball team. Forget going out a few times to lightly bump the ball around; I jumped right back into A League competition. Amazingly and happily, my back did NOT snap in half after the first point.

A few weeks before Halloween, I succumbed to peer pressure and joined Twitter. Almost 200 tweets of 140 characters or less later, my world has not exactly been rocked.

November

In early November, I took the biggest step in my life since switching from 2% milk to whole. On the warm evening of 11/11, I asked Tamara to marry me. Amazingly and happily, she said yes... and my back did NOT snap in half.

A few weeks later, I spent my first Thanksgiving away from the family since college, choosing to spend it down in Blanco with my future in-laws. Away from home, I didn't dare stuff myself as much as usual, so I went the whole day without suffering from tryptophan overload or the dreaded "Turkey sweats."

December

Dad and I got tickets to the inaugural college basketball game at the new Cowboys Stadium, AKA Jerry world, AKA The Death Star, AKA The Hall of Doom. We were treated to the always lovely sight of Carolina being handed a loss. Wearing our Duke T-shirts with pride, we overheard several people say, "Wow, those guys came a long way to see this game!" Yeah, all the way from the other side of Arlington, buddy!

Once again proving itself to be totally insane, the Texas weather went from 75° at four o'clock on December 23 -- Christmas Movie Marathon Night -- to 28° at 11 o'clock the next morning. Complete with snowfall that turned the ground white. There's a Bing Crosby joke in there somewhere, but needless to say, our white Christmas was a wonderful one, complete with Mom's surprise gift of a Wii to the grandkids.

So 2009 came full circle, beginning AND ending with much playing of the Wii. Of course, my fake bowling improved quite a bit in the year between.

Here's to a very merry 2010!! Go Blue Devils!

A post for new teachers

Christmas Break is here!! WOOHOO!! I'm sorry, but I just refuse to call it Winter Break, Holiday Break, December Break, or "2-weeks-off-for-sanity's-sake Break.

2 whole weeks of good food, good rest, a few papers to grade, good relaxation, and good visiting.

Plus, I'm in the final four in my fantasy football league, and I'm visiting the new Cowboys Stadium today to watch the Texas Longhorns beat the Tar out of the Carolina Tar Holes. (Sorry, Chad.)

What better way to start off the blogging aspect of Christmas Break than another wonderful guest post by our good friend Karen Schweitzer? Karen has written so many guest posts here at Learn Me Good (as well as other places), that I've lost count. But every one has been full of useful information and valuable tips and links.

Today, her post is designed especially for new teachers or folks considering going into education.

15 Resources for First Year Teachers

The first year of teaching can be a very rewarding experience, but it can also be overwhelming. Fortunately, there are a number of sites online that offer free resources and practical information for the novice teacher. Here are 15 sites to explore in your spare time.

First Year Teacher Program - The Reading Rockets First Year Teaching Program is a free online course for new K-3 teachers. The self-paced course includes ten modules that cover effective strategies and techniques for the classroom.

New Teacher Survival Guide - Scholastic provides a New Teacher Survival Guide to novice teachers who are looking for resources, tools, and tips for the classroom. The guide also offers a newsletter and a new teacher helpline.

ED.gov Survival Guide - The Department of Education Survival Guide for New Teachers offers tips on communicating and working with veteran teachers, parents, principals, and teacher educators. The guide also links to helpful resources around the web.

New Teacher Center - This national organization is dedicated to supporting new teachers and improving student learning. Site offering include news, stories, and information about upcoming education events.

Teachers Network - The Teachers Network site offers a special section just for new teachers. The section includes lesson plans, new teacher how-to's, and web mentors who can offer more help.

The Teacher's Corner - The Teacher's Corner is a good place for new teachers to find lesson plans, worksheets, teaching tips, and other teaching resources. The site also provides a forum to connect with other educators and a job board.

The Educator's Reference Desk - The Educator's Reference Desk offers a wide range of dependable resources, including 2,000+ lesson plans and 3,000+ links to educational information around the web.

Education World - Education World provides lesson plans, practical information for new teachers, regular columns, employment listings, principal profiles, a search engine for educational sites, and many other useful resources.

Lesson Plans and Teaching Strategies - Created by California State University-Northridge, this web page links to hundreds of tested lesson plans and articles on teaching strategies and classroom management.

Teachers.net - Teachers.net is a comprehensive teacher's resource. Site features include teacher chat boards and mail rings, lesson plans, classroom project ideas, articles from teachers around the world, and a job board.

TeacherTube - TeacherTube was created so that educators would have a place to share teacher videos, lesson plan videos, and other instructional materials. The site is a good place for new teachers to find teaching tips, classroom management strategies, and curriculum guidance.

Teacher Lingo - Teacher Lingo is an online community for educators who want to connect over the web. Community resources include lesson plans, a message board, and a place for teachers to share and publish blogs.

The Apple - This Monster site for teachers combines social networking with teacher's resources. New teachers can find lesson plans, sign up for a free newsletter, and chat with other teachers in The Apple forum.

TeachAde - TeachAde provides free articles, videos, lesson plans, and other teaching resources. The site also serves as a space for teachers to meet and network online.

Teachers First - The Teachers First site provides a long list of education-related professional associations and organizations that provide teacher resources and support.

Guest post from education writer Karen Schweitzer. Karen is the About.com Guide to Business School. She also writes about online schools for OnlineSchool.net.

I had a bean?

Earlier this week, I graded my kids' language arts project, which was creating a "biography quilt" based on a short book they had read about a person of historical significance. They worked in groups of 4, and some kids read about Martin Luthor King, Jr, some about Amelia Earheart, some about Paul Revere, and some about Robert Fulton.

Nevermind the fact that I had more than one projects turned in on "Paul River," or that other kids thought Amelia Earheart's ambition to be a nurses aide was more significant than her mysterious disappearance...

When I got to the kids who had done Martin Luthor King Jr, I noticed something odd. One of the events that they had wanted to include was that he hoped to inspire Americans though his peaceful efforts.

One of my little girls miswrote this as "through his space full of farts."

Wonder what Paul River thinks about that...

Don't forget to vote!

A quick note:

Please don't forget to vote for Learn Me Good under the category Best Teacher Blog at the edublog awards!!

Low Self of Steam

Over Thanksgiving break, I read Carol Richtsmeier (she of My Bellringers fame) 's new book -- How to Lose Your Self of Steam (& other teaching lessons I never learned from professional development).

This book was great, and you should definitely go straight to Amazon and order yourself a copy right now! Richie has put her sense of humor right out on display, and her stories about her Journalism students are fun, funny, and memorable.

First a word about the look of the book. My first thought was that it looked like a yearbook -- fitting, since Richie's class is in charge of putting the yearbook together each year. My fiance thought it looked like a composition notebook -- still fitting, as I'm sure the kids have gone through a ton of those writing assignments and reports. Either way, the look of the book is unique and really stands out on a shelf.

Something else that I really enjoyed was the little "inserts" on several pages, especially the "Chapter Terms." These small colored bubbles defined words and phrases used within the text -- including a dictionary-worthy definition and a tongue-in-cheek meaning. One of my favorites -- "In-service -- 1) another name for a professional development day. 2) another name for wasting a teacher's time."

These inserts made me think of another of my favorite books, America, by John Stewart and the Daily Show.

The vignettes, everything from a young talented artist who didn't want to give up his black fingernail polish, to the kids who caught the porn JUST before it made it into the yearbook, are touching, and show how much Richie cares about the kids who have been in her classes over the year.

Check out How to Lose Your Self of Steam, and see what all the fuss is regarding Big Fat Stupid Heads, heads in freezers, and rubber chickens.

Twas a week before Christmas (break)

I haven't posted an excerpt from Learn Me Good in quite a while, so I thought now would be a good time.

This chapter is from right before Christmas Break of Jack Woodson's first year.

I’m sorry sir, but I refuse to fill in your “adult-themed” Mad Libs. I’ll give you a verb or a place name, but the slots are not supposed to be labeled “body parts that rhyme with rubies.”

Unless I’m mistaken, we have something in common – we both have some time off coming! You still have to work next week, but the plant still shuts down between Christmas and New Year’s, right? That hasn’t changed, has it? First day of school in the new year is January 6^th, so all of my little Whos will have a nice two-week break in which to forget everything they’ve learned so far.

Today was fun, with a tint of sadness. The sad part is that today was Ariel’s last day here. She and her family are moving to some small town I’ve never heard of, about two hours east of here. As I’m sure I’ve told you before, Ariel is one of my favorite students, and I am really going to miss her.

But as I said, the day was fun, because we did Christmas activities. Mrs. Swanson made ornaments with the class over in her room. They were little construction paper cutouts with glitter and a picture of the kid glued to them. They even made one for me. My tree can be complete now!

Meanwhile, I made stockings (or attempted to make stockings) in my room. Each child cut a couple of stocking shapes out of brown paper lunch sacks using templates I made last night. Then they punched holes along the edges and used red yarn to hold them together. Sounds easy, right. Well, it WAS easy – up until the point when we actually began.

By the time the day was done, a few of the kids had beautiful stockings and were decorating them with crayons and stickers. Kari, Xander, and Maria all had stockings that looked fantastic. Others had tried to punch holes in their two cutouts separately, and the holes weren’t lining up. And then there was Plakton, who was still trying to figure out how to use the scissors. Don’t worry, I kept a close watch to make sure he didn’t poke himself in the eye with them.

My own big problem was with the yarn. I will freely admit that I use yarn about as frequently as I use hair extensions – not often – so I had a rough time. I would start pulling on a strand and get it a ways out, but then it would start knotting up, and I was stuck untangling knots for much of the day. A couple of times, I had to send a kid with the skein over to Mrs. Swanson’s room, and she would send it back straightened out (the yarn, not the student).

I even had my own little Tiny Tim moment. I got a Santa hat from one of the teachers (my Secret Santa) earlier in the week, and I wore it for most of today. When I put it on with 3F, Marvin exclaimed, “Yay! Mr. Woodson is cool now!” Did you catch that? Marvin finally thinks I’m cool –not quite the same as throwing away crutches and walking, but a Christmas miracle all the same.

Some of the kids even brought me gifts. Not one hundred dollar bills, as I had hoped for, but sweet gestures nonetheless. Kari and Susan gave me candy with decorative holders, Juan gave me a nice little picture frame, and Alex gave me a card. I think at some point Thomson may have even given me the finger.

Well, in case I don’t see you before then, have a very merry Christmas. Tell all the good gentiles there the same from me. Oh, and feel free to drop by on the 23^rd. We’ll be having our annual “Good Ol’ Fashion Woodson Family Christmas Movie Marathon.” ™ This is the night we watch as many Christmas-themed movies as we can stomach. We always watch It’s a Wonderful Life, Scrooged, and Christmas Vacation; the others are rotated in and out. Round about 3 or 4 AM, when everyone else is passed out on the floor, my brother and I usually put up Die Hard. Hey, it’s a Christmas movie!

Ho ho ho! (Now I have a machine gun)

Good King Wenceslaus

An open letter

I would like to take this opportunity to send out an open letter to the gentleman who has chosen to drive his pimped-out "hoopty" along bus row at 3:05 for the past few school days:

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your good intentions. I know that you probably think you are giving teachers and students the rare opportunity to witness the combination of an off-mustard yellow primer paint job AND tires that are 8 inches larger than standard. Since most kids are focused on their friends and/or getting onto the bus, you have done what you need to in order to draw their attention to your vehicle -- blast your bass-intensive stereo system at levels harmful to most mammalian ears.

May I humbly suggest, however, that your choice of songs and/or lyrics may not be the most appropriate in an elementary school setting? Given the timing, perhaps some classic holiday tunes would be more in order? At a slightly lower volume?

I would also like to point out that there IS a stop sign posted at the corner where you turn, so I think I speak for everyone when I say that we would rather not see your continued attempts to hang 2 wheels going around the bend.

Thank you, and have a nice weekend.

I'm gonna need...

I was just looking through some of my students' work this evening. I had them choose animals for the hero and villain and write and illustrate a fantasy story with those characters.

One of the first ones I looked at had a drawing of "Little Bad Fox" saying (via speech bubble), "I am going to destroy the world!" "Super Puppy"'s bubbled response was, "I need you to stop destroying the world."

This just gave me a giggle and reminded me of the boss in Office Space. "Yeah, I'm gonna need you to stop destroying the world. That'd be great..."

Multiplication Idol

Since we've started teaching multiplication, we have a series of songs that we listen to and sing along with in class. We made CDs for all of the kids that have times tables song that are of a more rap/R&B nature, and then a tape that has skip counting songs.

This week, we are focused on the 3's. So every morning, we listen to both 3's songs and then do our minute math practice.

One of my most troublesome little girls -- who is nearly 50 years old, bullies everyone, doesn't do her work, plays, lies, doesn't pay attention, etc, etc etc -- has, amazingly, been singing the songs correctly.

Now, of course, they have a times table reference sheet that they take out to help them sing along, but still, she is actively participating and singing the words and numbers correctly.

Here's the thing, though. Her singing makes Rosanne Barr's rendition of the National Anthem sound like a choir of angels.

My little girl is loud, off key, off rhythm, and off tempo. It's almost painful to listen to her sing the songs. But by golly, she's actually doing something, and seems to be learning her facts, so I'm certainly not going to stop the nails on the chalkboard!


In Edublog Award news, the voting has begun! I was nominated for Best Teacher Blog, and if you so choice, you can follow that link to cast your vote! For some reason, most of the nominations that I made last week don't seem to have been accepted. So I apologize to Bell Ringers, Mrs. Bluebird, Joel, and Mamacita. I don't know why they didn't stick! My Happy Rainbow IS listed, so I can only assume that someone else nominated his blog as well.

Carnivals and awards

I want to send a shout out to Clix over at Epic Adventures are Often Uncomfortable. She has been keeping the current Carnival of Education running at her site, and sometimes she even includes one of my posts when I've forgotten to submit! She hosted it this past week, so you need to go over and check out all of the great posts!

Also, it's time for nominations for this year's EduBlog Awards! So without any further ado, here are my nominations:

Best individual blog: Bellringers

Best teacher blog: Bluebird's Classroom

Best new blog: Look at my Happy Rainbow!

Lifetime achievement: Mamacita of Scheiss Weekly

Best resource sharing blog: So You Want to Teach (possibly not the greatest category for him, but his blog deserves to be nominated one way or the other.)

Be sure to visit these blogs, and vote for them (and me!) from 12/08 - 12/16.

I hope they have cheeseburgers in heaven

Before we left for break a couple of weeks ago, one of the girls in my class told me that her family was moving to Garland and that she wouldn't be coming back to our school. This is a shame because she is a very sweet girl and I'll miss her.

But yesterday, I was surprised to find that she was not the only student from that class who had withdrawn. Also withdrawing was the boy that I was able to motivate with the prospect of free food.

This boy didn't seem to be able to put 2 and 2 together for the first 6 weeks of school, but when I waved a Golden Corral coupon under his nose, suddenly he was raising his hand, adding and subtracting like a madman, and paying much more attention.

He had started to revert back to his lazy ways in the past few weeks, and I was just thinking about how I needed to dig out the stack of Denny's coupons, when I found his withdrawal papers.

Well, all I can say is, I hope his new school catches on quickly that they need to, quite literally, FEED his knowledge...

Back to school blahs

Sunday has finally arrived. I know that I should be happy, grateful, THANKful to have just had a nice, long, relaxing break from school. Still, that doesn't change the fact that it is now the day before I have to go back to school (and have morning duty this week to make getting up even earlier!), and I'm wishing the break was longer.

Before break, we were studying geometry, creating and identifying 2- and 3-dimensional shapes. We made a flip book for logging 3-D shapes and did a little scavenger hunt around the room for examples. ie, a whiteboard eraser is a rectangular prism, a chair leg is a cylinder, etc.

I sent these flip books home with the kids over break and told them that their homework was to cut out pictures from newspapers, magazines, store fliers, whatever that showed examples of 3-D shapes in real life. They were to glue these pictures inside their flip books and then bring them back for display.

It will be very interesting to see how many flip books I get back tomorrow. I have to say, I'm really not expecting much. A lot of my kids have trouble bringing back homework or signed papers from the night before, much less from 10 days before, so it wouldn't surprise me at all if I only get about half of them back, and of those half, several are half-assed.

Oh well, in the meantime, if anyone is interested, I have set up a blog for my bride-to-be and me. It's got a little slide show and that's about it right now, but you might just see a softer side of Mister Teacher.

I hope everyone had a great break, and good luck in getting back to the grind tomorrow!

A few simple gift ideas

My girlfriend, er, I mean FIANCE and I are travelling to her folks' house for Thanksgiving this year. Her parents do have internet, but it runs at roughly the same speed as Rosie O'Donnell. So I won't be blogging for a while.

In the meantime, though, I wanted to put forth a couple of suggestions for anyone looking for some fun gifts for loved ones or co-workers this year.

Readers on your list? Why not start by giving the gift of humor in book form? Check out my own Learn Me Good, the more recent It's Not All Flowers and Sausages by Mrs. Mimi, or the hot-off-the-presses How to Lose Your Self of Steam by Carol at Bellringers! (I just got my copy of Self of Steam in the mail and will be reading it at the future in-law's!)

Seen enough books at school? How about a T-shirt or 2? Good news -- you're in luck! Check out the wide assortment of funny and witty shirts at my Speadshirt store. Here are a few of the designs:





















Savings available for the thrifty shopper! Take advantage of these deals from Spreadshirt!



Want mugs? Tree ornaments? Magnets? Check out my Cafepress store!




Safe shopping as always, and Happy Thanksgiving!!

Things to be Thankful for

Hey everybody, welcome to the first day of Thanksgiving break!!

I know that some schools are still in session through Tuesday or Wednesday of next week, but the Dallas school district for the past few years has combined the Thanksgiving holiday with a couple of staff development days so that if you got your mandatory training done over the summer, you get the whole week off!

So I thought I'd be a little interactive here. I want to know, what are you thankful for this year? Please leave your response in the comment section and/or post to your own site.

Personally, I am thankful for the following things:

• Well of course, the fact that the 10 day break from school and the kids is finally here!! (Can I get a "Whup whup!!")
• A beautiful, loving, wonderfully bubbly fiance
• A new wallpaper picture on my phone of Nutcracker Darth Vader
• Incredible friends and family
• The fact that I've returned to playing volleyball without my back breaking in two
• The 2 most awesome sci-fi schows on TV right now -- Flashforward and Fringe
• Turkey and stuffing
• SOME students in my class that actually listen to what I say and apply it
• Black cherry vodka and Mountain Dew (I call it a "Black Mountain")
• My health and job security

I look forward to seeing what YOU are thankful for this year!!

Bookends

My day (the Friday before break! WOOHOO!!) was bookended by a very rude parent, and it's a woman I can't even remember seeing before today.

It was raining pretty hard when I arrived at school this morning, but I have no doubt that this woman didn't need that as an excuse to pull into our assistant principal's parking spot in the staff parking lot. I would be very surprised if this wasn't a regular occurrence.

Anyway, as I was nearing the building, this lady was walking her kindergarten daughter up to the same door. I said to her -- very politely, I thought -- that since it was raining, her daughter could come inside today through those doors, but that the signs on the door very clearly announced to parents that those doors were for staff only and that children and parents needed to enter through the front doors.

Of course, at right around the point where I was pointing to the large signs, she turned her back on me and walked away. I wonder if she heard me.

I had kind of forgotten about her until the very END of the day, when all of the kids were on the bus, and I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for my bus to leave. I noticed that about 5o feet away, a familiar looking blue car had parked across the street, with its rear end angled out into the street. The driver's side door was wide open, and a familiar looking parent was walking across the street and in front of the bus. I wondered why there were no teachers at that bus to stop this woman from taking her daughter off of the bus -- if not illegal, I'm pretty sure that's at least against school policy -- but I guess since the bus doors HAD been closed, the teachers had left already. I then saw the woman walk her daughter right out into traffic again and across the street before doing a 3 point turn and speeding off.

Now I'm no Nostradamus, but I just have a feeling that by the time that girl gets to us in the 3rd grade, she might just have a hard time following the rules.

Judging by her role model at home, anyway...

The shape of things to come

Today was truly an exercise in patience. As usual, I found myself wanting...

Since we discussed and classified 2-dimensional shapes yesterday -- and the explanation for yesterday's debacle was merely, "I sat on it" -- today we talked about 3-dimensional shapes. Not only did we talk about them, I gave each student a net to cut out and paste together to create a geometric figure.

My morning class (MUCH easier to handle) did pretty well. The only real problem was convincing the kids that their finished product should look like one of the pre-made shapes on my counter, and NOT like a wadded up Kleenex. Sure, a wadded up Kleenex is, technically, three-dimensional, but that's not the point of the lesson.

Then came the afternoon class. Before I could even get the kids started on cutting out the nets, I had to stop several times to review scissor safety and how you do NOT clip the shears back and forth in front of your face. I then had to place not one, but TWO kids in time out for immediately clipping the shears back and forth in front of their faces.

After the kids had created their figures, I began the unenviable task of coaxing them to explore the attributes. How many faces? What 2-D shapes are the faces? How many edges? How many vertices?

As usual, I had about 4 kids that were actively participating and trying to answer the questions while the others did their best showroom window mannequin impersonation.

Finally, the end of the day came around and it was time to dismiss the kids. As I called them to line up, the first boy in line held out the metal part of a pen that holds the tip in place. He said, "Look, this is a cone."

I tend to be a very impatient person and I will be the first to declare that I am SOO ready for a break from this year, this school, these kids.

However, in that moment right before dismissal, one child demonstrated that he HAD learned something today and that he could apply that knowledge to a real-world object.

It's always nice to be reassured that SOMETHING is working...

It's all fun and games until somebody gets a toothpick stuck in their ass

Today's activity was creating 2-dimensional shapes using marshmallows and toothpicks. The marshmallows were the points and the toothpicks were the line segments.

Things were going swimmingly, we had covered angles, lines, rays, quadrilaterals, all sorts of shapes. We were nearing the end of the lesson, creating the final shape of the day, when disaster struck.

I had just asked the kids to make an 8-sided figure. Suddenly, this little boy was standing and howling. He was crying so hard the tears were shooting out of his eyes. My first thought was that he had EATEN one of the marshmallows and that it had still had a toothpick in it or something.

I asked him what was wrong, and as I scanned him up and down, I noticed a toothpick protruding from the side (towards the rear) of the boy's pants. It kind of looked like an Amazon native had shot a blow-dart at him.

I so badly wanted to ask how the toothpick had gotten there -- I mean, after all, they are flimsy little things. I would have thought the toothpick would break or lay flat even if sat upon -- kind of like a straw can't go through a tree unless driven by hurricane-force winds.

But more pressing was the fact that the toothpick was still stuck in his ass. Since he was making no move whatsoever to remove the problem himself, I pulled it out myself. I was amazed by how hard I had to pull to actually dislodge it.

This was the end of class so I never did find out exactly how the incident happened. I sent him to the bathroom to clean himself up and then it was about time to go. Maybe tomorrow when things have settled down and the wound has had a chance to heal, he might tell me.

I only hope it wasn't intentional...

Bars, and Pictures, and Tallies, oh my!

We just ended the 2nd six weeks' grading period, and the last topic of research was graphs. Bar graphs, tally charts, pictographs, you name it.

It was a pretty fun topic to teach AND practice, and the kids seemed to be getting it pretty well. They really had no problem identifying the numbers that went with the bars, and little to no problem skip counting by whatever the key said on pictographs. Even early on, most seemed able to take some data and create their own graphs!

But then came the test yesterday. Despite the fact that we had looked at graph after graph, created graph after graph, made up question after question ABOUT said graphs, I still thought the results of the test were pretty disappointing.

Year after year, there is a question that merely asks "Sebastian had 16 of which type of coin?" Year after year, every single child correctly labels the bars on this graph -- 12 on the bar for quarters, 8 on the bar for dimes, 10 on the bar for nickels, and 16 on the bar for pennies. Year after year, more than a handful of kids choose quarters as their answer. Nevermind the fact that they themselves have written a "16" above the penny.

SO FRUSTRATING!!!

The last question of the test was a pictograph with pictures of boxes of pet food. The key stated that each picture represented 5 pets. Every child in my class correctly labelled the pictograph to show 45 dogs, 35 cats, etc, etc.

The question below asked "What is the total number of dogs that are pets in Juan and Carl's classroom?"

Almost 10 kids totally ignored the fact that they had written 45 next to the line for dogs and picked the answer "9" -- the number of pictures.

SO FRUSTRATING!!!

On the flip side, our 6-weeks' project was fun. The kids created a survey, polled other students, and then used that data to create charts and graphs. The end result was a large piece of construction paper divided into four sections. The first section was their original tally chart showing their topic ("Favorite _________") and the four choices, the second section was that data represented in bar graph form, the third section was the data in pictograph form, and the last section was three student-created questions about the data.

As per usual, the few kids who chose "Favorite Movies" as their topic chose 4 of the worst movies imaginable to survey fellow third-graders about. Movies like Saw IV, Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, etc. But other topics were fun, such as "Favorite book we've read," "Favorite Food," and "Favorite Teacher."

The graphs were good for the most part. But I was impressed with a lot of the questions being generated. Things like, "What is the difference in the number of blue and red?" And "How many kids were surveyed in all?"

Then, there were some questions that weren't exactly what I was looking for. One boy who had chosen "Favorite Cars" had these 3 questions:
1) How come everybody chose lamborginis?
2) Why didn't they choose the mustangs?
3) Nobody likes Cadillacs.

Hey, at least he was commenting on the data, right?

Speaking engagement

Short post tonight, but very important...


Mister Teacher is engaged!!!!

What are they breathing on the bus?

I may have mentioned it before once or twice, but at my school, we all have bus duty at 3:00. Since about 90% of our kids ride a bus to get home, we have roughly 10 buses, and we all have to get the kids loaded up and shipped home.

Most of these kids have been riding a bus since kindergarten. You would think they would have gotten the routine down by now. Of course, you would think they would also know by now that they are not supposed to climb on toilets, talk during tests, or draw obscene pictures on their own faces. Go figure.

Anyway, I have duty on one of the "better" buses. By that, I mean that the kids aren't particularly violent or disrespectful. They don't hang out the windows cussing at everyone within 50 feet. They don't throw dense fruit (which the school now helpfully passes out every Tuesday) at each other on the bus.

However, they also seem to step onto the bus and lose all rationality. Which makes me wonder if perhaps the bus exhausts are actually pointed INTO the cabin of the bus somehow? Maybe my friend The Bus Driver can weigh in here...

I get on the bus to help get the kids in place. I see kids turned around, peering over the back of their seat. I have seen kids STANDING on the seat. Today, there was a kid rolling his (eaten) apple core across the floor. There are girls that come in and sit 3 to a seat, with the 3rd turned so her legs block the aisle, not allowing other kids to pass by.

If I had a nickel for every time I told a kid to sit down on the bus, I would never want for ketchup again.

rags and riches

Fate can be a fickle thing. Sometimes it showers you with money, sometimes it drenches you in... well, let me take a step back.

Today was an average Friday. One kid out for truly bizarre reasons, one kid tattling on another for something he didn't even witness, one horribly written math common assessment.

First of all, when a question says, "How many miles do Mr. Pride still need to drive?" somebody needs to call out the grammar police. But when the very first question doesn't even have a correct answer choice to go with it, I just get really upset for even having to waste my time giving the test.

The question read, "Donna invited 20 friends and 6 relatives to her birthday party. Only 13 of her friends could come to the party. Which is the best way to find the total number of people who came to Donna's party?"
A) 20+6-13
B) 20-6-13
C) 20-+6+13
D) 20-6+13

Nevermind the fact that Donna herself would be at the party, the correct answer should have been 13+6. To get answer A, which is undoubtedly the answer the writer was going for, the question should have said that 13 of her friend could NOT come to the party.

Ugh.

Anyway, after the school day was over, I was treated to the discovery of two quite opposite findings.

First, as I reached the bus that I have duty at, I noticed an election sign lying on the grass. Several kids were standing around it, pointing and gibbering, and some of them were stomping on it. I went over to move it, but as I grabbed it and picked it up by the paper portion, one kid started shouting, "NO NO NO!!" I thought, ooh, maybe somebody put it there to mark an ant mound, I better watch out. But no, as I looked down, there were no ants. Merely 4 of the biggest, beefiest dog turds I had ever seen. Apparently, the sign had been holding back the smell as well as the sight of these cylinders, so I carefully put the sign back in place.

Later though, on my way out of the school, I found a dollar bill lying in the middle of the hallway. The only teacher nearby laid no claim on it, so I seized it as my own!

From dog poop to greenbacks, all in the course of a school day. What a life.

Brand new carnival

This week's Carnival of Education is being hosted at I'm a Dreamer, and the host was gracious enough to include a last minute entry by yours truly. My post of What's the Difference is part of the midway. But not only that, the entry by Mr. D of I Want to Teach Forever also references me -- along with a great game to play with kids of low number sense (LNS).

Check it out!

Feeling the Monday blahs

At least I hope it is just the Monday blahs. I have felt really down today. Maybe it is partly because I am recovering from a cold. Maybe it is partly because I feel sore all over (either from volleyball or pulling weeds?). Maybe it is because I didn't sleep well last night.

But I think it is mostly due to the fact that I came into my classroom - after being absent on Friday - to find chairs in disarray, desks with papers falling out, a whole box of kleenex gone, a bottle of hand sanitizer broken and empty...

And then I have the kids that just beat me down this year. The kids who fail the tests, who don't do their homework, who don't pay attention, and who just don't care. I know that there are always kids who struggle, but I think part of my mini-depression is that we have spent a solid 2 weeks on subtraction and regrouping, and I had 6 kids who absolutely BOMBED the test. Despite the fact that I worked extensively with these kids in small groups, and they could do it when they were with me, they just didn't care enough to do it the right way on the test!

I feel like the average to high kids in my class are really getting gypped because I am always having to slow down to get one of these lower kids back on track, or just onto the track in the first place. Yet I am not quite at a point where I just want to leave these low kids to totally fall behind.

I'm just frustrated. Incredibly frustrated. And unlike previous years, I am having a lot of trouble finding the humor in daily activities with this group.

I also saw the future of some of my kids today after work. I stopped by Subway, and the guy making my sandwich made me think of how some of my kids are going to be in about 10 years. This guy didn't have a clue as to what he was doing. I had to point out that he hadn't put enough slices of turkey on the bread, and he seemed to be having trouble counting out the tomatoes. Thankfully, someone else was working the cash register.

Maybe Tuesday will be kinder and gentler...