Earlier this week, I read a blurb in the paper about a local teacher who won a contest to trade places for a day with Jason Thompson of General Hospital. So that inspired me to formulate a new entry in the "If teachers were like..." pantheon. My first thought was that a teacher would feel more at home on the set of All My Children or The Young and the Restless. But here are some other things that I believe would be true if teachers were like... soap stars:
1) Every time we told a child, "If you don't study, you will fail," there would be a sudden crescendo of dramatic music, accompanied by a close-up of the facial expression termed by Joey from Friends as "smelling the fart."
2) We would never get any teaching done because we'd be too worried about aliens abducting our illegal immigrant lovers, who may or may not have set fire to their illegitimate half-siblings in order to inherit all of the family's money.
3) We'd talk less about commas, and more about comas.
4) One of our colleagues could disappear for months, only to be replaced by someone 7 inches shorter, 20 pounds heavier, with different colored eyes and a mustache. Yet everyone would accept that this brand-new person was really our old colleague, and nothing would ever be said about it.
Any other ideas?