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Sunday, April 27, 2008

A classic (?) revisited

Kind of a slow Sunday, so I thought I'd repost something that still gets a ton of queries and hits. And it's still topical, since I have just as many "odd" names this year as I ever have.

So, please to enjoy, an old post titled, "Pimp My Name."

You don't have to be a teacher nowadays to realize that many people in this great world of ours just can't handle the responsibility of naming a child. So many parents have taken to "tricking up" their baby's name -- choosing something that strikes their fancy, or that they think is "totally wicked awesome!"

Exhibit A – Kal-el Cage

Exhibit B – Apple Paltrow (Or is it Apple Martin? Or is that too close to Apple Martini?)

Exhibits C-E -- Any of Bruce Willis's kids.

But of course celebrities are not the only guilty party here. We get our fair share of kids at school named after luxury cars or royalty, or those with very inventive uses for the apostrophe.

So it occurred to me that with this increasing trend of parents naming their kids after things they like with no thought whatsoever as to the fact that it is indeed their child who will be forced to bear the burden of that name for the rest of his or her life, or at least until the age of 18 (deep breath) -- I think I have some idea of what names we can expect to start showing up in kindergarten classes in just a few years.

"Kal-el Cage" is just one example of a child named after a popular movie character. I expect we'll soon have classes that include at least one Legolas, Gimli, or Frodo. Of course, at MY school, it would be La’Frodo.

Free elements will no doubt make a strong entrance. Zirconium -- Zirc to his friends -- will be a popular boy's name, while Moly (short for Molybdenum) will be the hot new girl's name.

Expect Mazda and Isuzu to overtake Lexus and Porscha in the race for “kewl” monikers.

In about three years, here's the typical class roll call I expect to see:

da Vinci

I can't wait!!


Mrs. Bluebird said...

When I was a substitute teacher I used to keep a little notebook of some of the crazy names I encountered. My favorite kindergarten class had a Cobain, a Pantera and a Harley. Guess you could tell it was a hard-rockin', motorcycle ridin' kind of town.

Joel said...

In my brief stint as a cashier at Best Buy, I ran across a gentleman whose credit card told me his name was Pancreas.

I like the concept. The parents would have to compete with Foley & Associates for the right to name their child that, though.

I have a dog who looks like my dad's dog (he actually also happens to be the result of one Thanksgiving morning frolic while my dog and I were visiting my parents). I named him Buster 2.0 after his father.

I wonder if I could get away with naming my child Joel 2.0 and calling him Pointo?

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