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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Time for an update!

The in thing nowadays seems to be sending out a mass mailing with a personal update for the entire year, so I have officially jumped on the bandwagon and gotten with the program! Just in time for the year 2009, I present to you, friends, family, and random surfers:

The year 2008 in review -- Mister Teacher Style!

January -- The year 2008 began with a bang, as I watched a beaten, bloodied man single-handedly kill four criminals. Of course that's because we stopped Die Hard with a Vengeance at midnight to watch the ball drop and then finished the movie a few minutes later.

Texas's bizarre weather patterns held true to form in January as one morning saw us throwing snowballs at kids as they were dropped off at school, while the afternoon found us baking in 80° heat.

February -- On the 21st of this greatest of months, I turned the big 3-5. Par the course, I lost two toes, my waist increased 8 inches, and my kidneys fell out. That's normal, right?

On February 29 of this very special Leap Year, while using my Fisher-Price "My First Microscope," I discovered a new subatomic particle and named it the "Dude." Time to loosen up, Cal Tech nerds.

March -- As we bewore the Ides of March, my nephew Josh turned one and spoke his first word. We were all sitting around the TV, watching the March Madness tourney when Josh crawled over to the center of the room, pointed at the screen, and said, "Krzyzewski!" I love that kid.

March was the month I got rich, as I received e-mails informing me that I had won, in succession, the Irish National Lottery, the UK Lottery, AND pills to make part of me much larger! I have yet to actually see any money (or growth), but I remain an eternal optimist.

April -- During the first weekend of April, my dad and I drove down to San Antonio to attend the men's college basketball Final Four. Our seats were roughly a mile from the court; nevertheless, we were treated to the most beautiful sight of Kansas outrightly SPANKING the University of North Carolina. (Not to mention the beautiful sight of a certain redheaded cheerleader.) Kansas would go on to win the whole shebang -- in overtime no less -- so we really got the most for our ticket price.

Easter came, and with it the end of Lent. I had given up soft drinks, so after Mass on Easter Sunday, I drank approximately 10 gallons of Mountain Dew.

May -- On a particularly memorable Memorial Day, I wound up getting trapped in the bathroom at my parents' house! My nephew Ethan is the founding member of the local "Pee Pee Patrol," whose duties include waiting until someone is in the restroom and then banging on the door, rattling the doorknob, and shouting, "You Finished??" every three seconds.

On this special occasion, his efforts actually jammed the door shut, and I was locked in the bathroom for what seemed like six hours. I eventually wound up having to take the door off its hinges (with the aid of some tools passed to me under the door), but not before gnawing my elbows off from the hunger.

June -- In early June, a very long school year finally ended, and there was much rejoicing. As the final school bus rolled, some teachers were shooting off pistols into the air, while others loudly chanted, "NANANANA, NANANANA, HEYHEYHEY, GOODBYE!!"

A week later, I was a contestant on a brand new game show called Whatta Ya Think? a show combining memory skills, math reasoning, and logical deduction. Needless to say, I totally rocked the competition and won myself a year of free massages and vitamins. Unfortunately, this game show has yet to actually be televised, so no one can witness my mental domination.

My eyes remain on the ultimate goal. Jeopardy! You WILL be mine!!

July -- A very busy month! First, the family and I made a road trip to Destin, Florida to enjoy the sandy beaches, cool water, and orange Speedos. A few days after returning from Florida, I flew out to California with a buddy to attend San Diego's Comic-Con 2008. That was a lot of fun, as we got to see Stan Lee, the cast of Heroes, and about 25 Princess Leias in gold bikinis.

In the midst of all this chaos, I tried a new shampoo, and the right side tingled. That means it's working!

August -- In August, the unheard of was actually heard of! I met a good-looking girl my age at a staff development workshop! Well, the workshop was actually at the end of July, but we started dating in August. As I write this, it's almost January, and we're still going strong. I have yet to find the chance to sit her down and force her to watch any of the Star Wars movies, but the day will come. Watch them intently, she shall.

At the end of the month, the new school year began. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself with two classes of only 12 students each. Good thing, since my new classroom is roughly the size of an airport men's room (but smells slightly better).

September -- In August, fresh off my return from Comic-Con and facing an imminent return to academia, I decided to combine the two. The result was a YouTube video titled, "Darth Vader Explains the Pythagorean Theorem." In September, a writer at the online version of The London Times got a whiff of my project and began spreading the word around her tiny island. Almost overnight, the video went from 300 views to 30,000 views.

With results like that, I am almost forced to continue the streak with videos such as, "Han Solo Demonstrates a Fourier Transform" and, "Boba Fett Discusses Unified String Theory."

October -- October proved to be a crazy month as my employer, DISD, empirically showed the value of having a math education, or rather the consequences of NOT having one. Turns out, they had hired 700-some new teachers but neglected to include 700-some new salaries in the budget. Low and behold, they found themselves over $40 million in the hole! Their solution? Why, fire teachers, of course!

Thankfully, I survived the layoffs, but eight weeks into the school year, I found myself in a new class, with 41 new kids (including three who don't speak English), a new partner, and a new subject to teach. At least I didn't get moved to kindergarten! (It's not a tumor!)

This month also saw the one-year mile-marker for me as a columnist for As a special surprise honor to commemorate the event, I treated myself to a Slurpee. Cherry!

November -- In November, my nephew Ethan turned four, and we were all invited to his themed birthday party. Adding the honorific, "Indiana Jones" to his name now brings it to, "Ethan Steele Pearson Spiderman Indiana Jones." Good luck, future teachers.

We opted not to do the Turkey Trot 5K this year, instead preferring to participate in the Turkey Sleep-in of '08. It was an overwhelming success.

November was a very good month for my book, Learn Me Good, as it sold 30 copies online and 40 or so copies off-line! We're still not as successful as Everybody Poops, but we're getting there!

December -- After having just been there in September, Mom and Dad got the urge to go back to Disney World and take the whole family. So I took three days off from school on the week before Christmas break, claiming temporary leprosy, and I went to the Happiest Place on Earth!

My two nephews had a blast meeting the costumed characters, and we had a blast watching their reactions. But I think we all know who the Little Mermaid was REALLY winking at.

Later in the month, we followed the usual -- the wildly popular Christmas movie marathon, a rousing midnight Mass (still at midnight!), and waking up Christmas afternoon to greet the day.

And that brings us up to speed! 2009 is right around the corner, with new adventures and experiences awaiting all of us!

Happy New Year to everyone!


IMC Guy said...

Sounds like a pretty good year - except for April! :)

I hope you have a great 2009.

HappyChyck said...

This looks like the outline of your new book. Can't you smell it, too?

Rock it in '09!

Angela said...

I'm with HappyChyck--I think you have another bestseller on your hands! Have a wonderful new year!

Mrs. Bluebird said...

I am old enough to remember seeing the first Star Wars movie, in the theater, the week it opened. The only seats available were in the front row and me, and my two neighbor kids, Danny and Brian, ended up there, right in the center. As soon as the music swelled, and the text started going up the screen, followed by the bottom of the space craft, we went "oooohhhhhhh" and I knew we were in the presence of something special. Fortunately I married a man who agrees with me. Although I may leave him if Han Solo asked me...

Melissa B. said...

Love your Bloggy Take on the traditional Xmas letter! Hope 2009 is everything you're hoping for!