List-mania!

Okay, so it's been sort of a slow news day around here, so instead of posting anything of real interest, I am participating in what I have seen going around on several other blogs. The practice of completing a “meme.” This is a series of short prompts that you complete with your own thoughts.
Most of the memes that I have read actually tell you a bit about the person filling them out. I hope that no one expects that from me. I have my own method of filling these things out, and it usually doesn't involve anything resembling fact or accuracy.
With that said, I present to you my version of the meme that I've found over on La Chucheria:

I know Rafael Chan. Personally.

I believe that my kids REALLY have to use the restroom when they tell me, "My bowels be runnin'!"

I fought the dark Lord Sauron with my trusty blade, Anduril -- The Flame of the West! This was on the PlayStation, mind you.

I am angered by college basketball officials who can't seem to pull their heads out of their... well, you know where.

I love ketchup.

I need oxygen, tempered with a small amount of nitrogen and other trace elements, to breathe.

I take pleasure in answering calls from telemarketers and messing with them.

I hear that Christie Brinkley is single once again.

I drink Super Gulps -- 64 fluid ounces of Mountain Dew -- far too often.

I hate ants, and all they represent.

I use Right Guard, for that special summer breeze scent.

I want money. Loads of it. And maybe a little Chicken Parmigiana while you're at it.

I decided that I will use my Best Buy gift cards from Christmas to purchase the second season of Lost when it comes out on DVD.

I like fuzzy navels and buttery nipples, and sometimes I like the drinks that go by those names also.

I am considered to be one of the world's foremost experts on Chilean chicken byproducts, by those in the know.

I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. It's a pity how pretty I feel.

I left my coin purse in a barbershop one time when I was 5 years old. It was in the shape of Barney Rubble's head, and I still miss it.

I do regularly stay up past midnight to watch MXC and Blind Date on Spike TV.

I hope that I will one day be able to jump into the air, do ten roundhouse kicks, and then return gracefully to my feet, like Neo in the Matrix. Because right now, I keep falling on my face before I've even finished the first roundhouse.

I dream about having four aces in the World Series of Poker and going all in against Phil Hellmuth, who has four Kings.

I drive 20 mph in school zones, which makes me the only person who does so in Dallas.

I listen to THX, because I am part of the audience, and like it says, "The audience is listening."

I type very quickly, having taught myself to type by playing lots of text adventure games like Zork and Planetfall.

I think Evangeline Lilly, Eva Longoria, and Shandi Finnessey are three of the hottest women on television right now.

I wish I had a legitimate superpower. Right now I've got super-bendy thumbs, and the ability to communicate with Grape Nuts, but I'm talking a REAL superpower.

I compensate for lift and drag by letting off on the thrust just a bit.

I regret choosing Miracle Whip Light over regular Miracle Whip the last time I went to the store. It might have half the calories, but it also comes with half the taste!

I care a lot. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

I should probably get around to taking care of that huge gaping hole in my bedroom wall that always has bugs and small woodland creatures swarming out of it.

I am not always serious. Can you tell?

I said "Are you her brother and sister?" to a couple of people that I thought were related to one of my students. The one I thought was the brother answered, "I'm her mother."

I wonder who wrote the book of love?

I changed the radio station when that freakin "You're Beautiful" cacophony came on for like the twenty-third time in the same hour.

I cry when someone plucks out one of my leg hairs.

I am Virginian by birth, Texan by life.

I am not going to worry about aliens from Uranus invading our planet and forcing us all to become dirt-munching, piccolo-playing slaves.

I lose interest in girls when I see them light up a cigarette.

I leave now. Hasta la vista, baby.