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Monday, September 21, 2009

Well at least I haven't heard THAT!

As we enter the 5th week of school (and half my class is out sick -- not to mention the principal, the CRC, the nurse, and several other teachers), I realize that many and most of my posts here on my blog have been negative, complaining, or at least depressing. There's no doubt that I am having a rough year, but this blog is supposed to be about the OCCASIONAL rant, not the rant as norm.

Therefore, it's time for some humor. Or at least some attempted humor.

I thought I'd put together a little list of things that, despite all else, I haven't heard my kids utter this year. Yet.

1) What the heck are numbers?
2) Why is there green stuff shooting out of the toilets?
3) I think I should like to place myself in time-out, thank you very much.
4) This pencil is clearly of the finest quality!
5) What are those 2 lines? (referring to the equal sign)
6) My mom says if somebody spits on me, I should spit on them. (Oh wait, I DID hear that one this morning, from a little girl getting off the bus.)
7) Mmmmm!! Sloppy Gummy Bear Joe for lunch!!
8) Which end of the crayon colors?
9) Mister Teacher, I read your novel, Learn Me Good, this weekend, and it was awesome!
10) My parents let me have coffee and chocolate cake for breakfast!!
11) How much for your whole collection of markers?
12) Does this look infected to you?
13) Is Tequila a noun or a verb?
14) Par-kor!!
15) Let's play Golden Girls! I'll be Blanche!
16) The world is going to end in 2012 anyway, so why do we need to learn math?
17) My mortgage is killing me!
18) Something inside my desk is moving.
19) Kanye West is a jackass.
20) I got that question right. Where are the free hot dogs?
21) Edward or Jacob?
22) I lost a toe this weekend, doing long division.
23) Uh, I was told there would be no math.


teachin' said...

I heard #19 today (though I believe the student involved actually said, "Kanye West is such a....OOOOOH. GRRRRR! SUCH a JERK!!!!"). And I completely agreed.

Julia said...

I have to tell you a story about the 2012 thing!

Last year one of our other teams had a student who refused to do work and pass because he said that exact thing: "The world is going to end anyway in 2012, so why bother?" They had a parent conference and were trying to convince the kid otherwise!

I had so many students ask me that last year that I finally did a small lesson on the possibility of the pole reversal, planets lining up, and the Mayans' preoccupation with Venus. (I teach science, and we were on the Space unit).

I am happy to report by the end of the lesson the kids had decided while it was POSSIBLE the world could end in 2012, it was also possible the Mayans were quite wrong.

Sarah said...

I ALSO heard, "President Obama called Kanye West a jackass"

Anonymous said...

I actually was reading Learn Me Good this weekend and it WAS awesome! Funny stuff.

Anonymous said...

Here's what I heard on my first day of early morning bus duty from a former student:
"Mrs. D. is that you?? You look so OLD this year, and your eyes are all wrinkly!!"

Thank you so much, darling.

p.s. I'm 38 years YOUNG!

Miss Cheese said...

HILARIOUS! Par-kor!!! (I may have peed a little from laughing so hard when I read this...)

I have a student who will randomly, in the middle of discussing Greek Mythology or elements of a short story, ask me something along the lines of, "Would you rather be run over by a bull or a horse?" or "Would you rather a hippo or a rhino eat you?"