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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

9 things I won't be wearing on Monday

This week's Carnival of Education is up and running over at Jason's Perspective, where he has graciously included my post TAKS Awareness along with the other midway rides. Apparently, I am a clown. What, do I make you laugh? Am I here for your AMUSEMENT? I am? OK, good. Go check it out, and um, watch out for Code Browns...

We received wonderful news at our school today... Summer Dress Code goes into effect beginning on Monday!!! Finally!! As the temperatures start to rise, and the air conditioning is about as consistent as a drunken babysitter, I won't be forced to wear a noose around my neck!!

We were given a memo today that covered "Acceptable and Unacceptable Attire," so it seemed fitting that I should put together a little list of what I will NOT (and CAN not) wear on Monday.

9) Tie and long-sleeve shirt
The memo clearly stated, "Anything you might wear... to clean around the house, leave at home." It just so happens, I clean in a 3-piece suit.

8) Godzilla slippers
I had a pair of these in high school. Big, green, fluffy slippers, and one of them had a button on the bottom connected to a speaker so that when you put your foot down, it made the sound of a Japanese high rise being smashed. If you stomped your foot, you heard the sound of a mutant roaring.

7) Daisy Dukes
Only because the memo says shorts are not acceptable.

6) A simple white tank top
Every day, when driving home, I pass a sign that says, "This way to the Gun Show." Alas, I will not be able to make a similar invitation to my co-workers by showcasing my own "cannons."

5) Sweat pants
This is really a shame, because I would just want to wear ordinary gray or blue sweat pants. In my humble opinion, they should prohibit me from wearing sweatpants that say "Juicy" across the butt cheeks, but not ordinary gray or blue sweat pants.

4) Spandex
I'm ok with this, because frankly, I like to CHANGE out of my work clothes when I get home. Since I already wear Spandex at night to fight crime (and to rock out with super-crazy dance moves), I don't need to wear it at school.

3) Bib overalls
Well darn, without the bib overalls, the single hay seed sticking out between my front teeth is going to look REALLY out of place, now isn't it? Actually, I would really like to know who showed up to work in bib overalls one day, causing this clause to be officially written into the dress code memo.

2) Dresses revealing a bare midriff
Actually, the way this one is worded -- "Dresses or attire revealing a bare midriff should not be worn to the office" -- makes me think maybe I COULD wear this, provided I stayed in my classroom and didn't approach the office.

1) Thongs
The memo says flip-flops are not acceptable. What did YOU think I was talking about???

It must be pointed out that the memo says absolutely nothing about suspenders, bloomers, rainbow wigs, or Brett Michaels bandanas. This last month is gonna be FUN!!!!


Anonymous said...

"noose around my neck"...
you got that from me.
No, wait , my line was "nuisance round my neck".

I'll gladly do away with the bow tie.

A couple of years ago after having worn a nuisance around my neck for years and having each one ruined by paint, glue, clay, and all other art materials and having each get in some child's face as I bent over to assist, I asked my former principal if I could wear a bow tie.

She thought it was a good solution to and approved.

A week later after I had been told I looked like a "dork" by a fellow teacher, I overcame my self-consciousness and now
wear my bow tie knowing that the only true statement about me that it makes is that he is confident enough to do the most sensible thing.

Monday look for an ASCOT.

Christy said...

I do miss some things about dallas, but the dress code is not one of them. I wear jeans about 3 times a week now. And sadly, the principal at my current school the year before I arrived wore Juicy sweats on more than one occasion. She was a fan of the velour set.

Middle School Secretary said...

I wish the teachers in our school had a dress code. I'm tucked away in the back office in my skirts and heels with nary a kid in sight. In the meantime, our teachers are dressed in ripped shorts, flip-flops, thongs...and yes, sweats. I'm not sure sure a suit and tie is necessary but professionals should not look like they came from the beach.

HappyChyck said...

Suspenders are hot! Especially the kind that match rainbow wigs...

Jennifer said...

Godzilla slippers? With sound effects? That's so cool...I wish I had a pair!

Unknown said...

I've seen a teacher come to work in overalls before. A rather obese teacher, whose shirt diidn't cover her belly and whose white skin showed since the overall buttons didn't button cause they couldn't.
It wasn't pretty. I've also seen a bare midriff or two among the staff and the back side of numerous thongs. Yes, those thongs.

Linda Fox said...

In SC, capri pants and flip-flops at work are considered to be a right.

Yeah, you're right about the thongs - and the "shorty" tops, and the too-low blouses. Makes me think that a dress code IS necessary. I'm seeing WAY too much skin on teachers.

IMC Guy said...

Hilarious, as usual. We don't have a dress code. Once it gets nice, many of the female teachers wear capris and flipflops. I wear shorts when it's warm enough.

Joel said...

I know a teacher who actually sent a girl to the office because her shirt and pants didn't meet in the back and he saw she was wearing a thong.

The wording of the dress code has since been changed, and she was moved out of his class not too long after the incident.