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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

'Twas the night before Halloween

Tomorrow night is Halloween, which means a lot more to me now as a homeowner than it ever did as an apartment dweller. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved Halloween -- dressing up, going to haunted houses, eating so much candy that you beg someone to kill you -- but I never got any trick or treaters at my apartment, whereas I get a ton of them at my house.

So I've made all the preparations for this year. By that, I mean I've gone to the store and bought candy. Name brand candy, thank you very much, none of this knockoff stuff. One of my colleagues was talking about how she went to the dollar store to get candy and came away with a bunch of really cheap, imitator brands. I can just imagine kids coming to her door and receiving packages of n&n's, Smickers, and Swete Tarts.

None of that for me! I've got Twix, Nestle Crunch Bars, and Jolly Ranchers at my disposal. Of course, my plan is to give these precious candies ONLY to the little kids who come dressed in costume this year.

For the past two years, I've enjoyed seeing all of the little tykes in their Halloween getups. What I have NOT enjoyed is the roving bands of teenagers who come -- in no perceivable disguise -- knock on the door, and mutely hold out a pillow case. They're not even going to the effort of saying the words, "Trick or Treat!!!"

So this year, I have a plan for that. And I love it when a plan comes together. Along with my tasty goodies, I bought a single bag of candy corn. I know there are some people out there who love candy corn, but personally, I think it is one of the most disgusting candies ever, second only to those really nasty orange circus peanuts that have the look, feel, and taste of Styrofoam packing peanuts. I'm pretty sure that's what they are, just spray-painted radioactive orange.

So tomorrow night, when I open my door, if it's a group of little kids in costume, I will happily place a Twix bar or other delicious treat into their bag. But when I open the door to find some punk, trying to capitalize on October 31, he/she will receive one single candy corn.

Eat up, bucko, that's all you're getting from me. Be glad it's not a toothbrush or a walnut.

On a completely unrelated note, if anyone has any recommendations for de-toilet papering trees, please let me know...


Mike in Texas said...

Well I don't know about getting toilet paper off your house, but I've been told with a powerful enough leaf blower and an understanding of the Bernoulli effect you can make a pretty awesome long range toilet paper dispenser.

Not that I would advocate its use, such as on a neighbor's house whose dog keeps getting out and crapping on your lawn.

Mrs. T said...

I think you're pretty nice to give them candy corn.
We give them raisins.
They're Naure's candy.

Jenny said...

Do you feel differently if the bigger kids make an effort to wear a costume and are in the spirit of the day?

I can't stand those that just drag their butts around looking for free candy. But, I'm a bit more sympathetic to those that just aren't willing to grow up and give up the fun of Halloween yet.

Chance said...

n & n's... that's funny.

IMC Guy said...

If older kids put in great effort, I think it's awesome. No high schoolers though.

I like the idea of giving very little to crummy costumes.