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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Bringing out the engineer in me

Yesterday, I finally got to try out something that my mom had gotten me for Easter. She got me a box of bandages that look like duct tape. Unlike some people who bite their nails, I have the habit of picking at loose skin around my fingernails. Often, to the point of bleeding. So yesterday, I wrapped one of these bandages around my thumb. It was great! All day long, people were asking me why I had duct tape wrapped around my thumb! Ah, good ol' duct tape...
I also had the enviable task yesterday of overseeing a small group of fifth grade TAKS re--testers. Just when I think I'm done with TAKS for the year, they keep pulling me back in!! The hardest part of my morning was trying to keep one of those kids awake and working. I had to tell him to wake up FIVE TIMES before nine o'clock! What's the old army saying -- We fall asleep more times before 9 o'clock than most people do all day.
Since I was in this other room watching the test takers, there was a substitute teacher in MY classroom. Let me just say, I am not too pleased with this lady. I came back to my room around noon, and slowly began discovering little ways that she had messed up my area. She had opened up all of my windows, she had turned half of the overhead lights off, and she had the radio playing while the kids worked. At first, I thought she was just playing a CD for them, but then the musical piece stopped, and some news guy started talking. I'm sure my kids are more productive when they know all about the ups and downs of the Dow Jones index.
I had told this lady that the kids were beginning work on a planet project, but that they were not to actually draw on poster-sized paper yet. So of course I come back to the room to find several posters already made. Some candy that I had over by my desk was gone (whether the substitute took it, or whether she just didn't observe one of the kids taking it, I'll probably never know). And I found out this morning that while she was grading a group math problem with the class, she told them all that they didn't need to follow the steps that I had spent all year long teaching them.
In the Road Runner's world, this lady would be scientifically named "Substitutius non Returnus."

In another funny piece of news, Mrs. Educator told me that she asked one of our little girls to bring a book about sharks over to me this morning, and that the little girl replied hesitantly, "Can someone else go with me?" When Mrs. Educator asked her why she needed someone to escort her 10 feet across the hall, the little girl answered, "I'm scared of Mister Teacher..."
After we had a good laugh, I considered walking across the hall to Mrs. Educator's room and yelling, "D, WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF ME? BRING ME THAT BOOK!" But that would have been cruel, and while I may be scary to some, I'm not cruel.


Jack Cracker said...

Where do you come up with this stuff??!! Substitutius non Returnus .... ahhh, cute.

Not that I think you'll respond, but did I miss anything on Scrubs last night?

Mrs. T said...

Hey did Sub-lady move your cheese, too? I'm teasing- I HATE it when the sub messes with my stuff. I don't understand why they couldn't have had the sub proctor the test so you could have been in your classroom..... Too logical?

Mister Teacher said...

Hey there, Cracker Spanky. Yeah, if you missed Scrubs last night, you missed some highly defined calf muscles, three pregnant women, a discarded appletini, and a hilarious euphemism for poop in a diaper.
Mrs. T, the state of Texas at least will not allow any noncertified person to proctor a test, so that includes substitutes. Besides, it would have been very hard to take that test with talk radio going on in the background...

Mrs. T said...

Wow- in Iowa, most subs are certified (Teacher Wannabees), so would technically be able to proctor.

Eric Cartman's other mom said...

Wow, thanks!!