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Thursday, March 19, 2009

An open letter to CBS Sports

Now that March Madness has begun and the crazy, wonderful, sweet, sweet tournament games are underway, I feel that it is as good a time as any to openly petition CBS about something that has bothered me for many, many years.

I am not going to begrudge CBS for their overall coverage, even though way back when, when the tourney was covered by ESPN, you could watch every game if you so chose. You might have to stay up till 4AM to see a rerun of the 2-15 blowout, but you could still watch your team if you wanted.

I also applaud CBS for their recent step of getting rid of Billy "Fudge" Packer, a man who, admittedly, knew his stuff when it came to college basketball, but who also had the disposition, personality, and charm of a rotting jack-o-lantern. I am SO thankful that I will not have to listen to Packer claim that a team is losing merely because they are playing inside a dome or that no team has a chance of winning without 2 swingmen.

No, what I want to address in this letter is the crowning jewel that comes at the very end of every Final Four weekend. The recap of the entire tournament known as "One Shining Moment."

One Shining Moment used to be 3 minutes of pure brilliance, capturing all of the highlights of the entire run of games. It used to be one last chance to see every awesome dunk, every blistering blocked shot, every bone-jarring charge.

However, over the past ten years, it has become a mere shade of its former glory. Does anyone truly consider a shot of a cheerleader clapping a "shining moment?" Does anyone in his right mind actually think that a highlight of the tournament is two drunk fans high-fiving each other??

And I almost don't even dare mention the debacle from about 7 years ago, when some (obviously drunk and/or high) CBS exec decided to trick up the video by adding visual special effects. Thank you, but when a player slam dunks the ball, I really don't need to see a big glowing ball of energy come out of his butt.

Anyway, CBS, I entreat you... When putting together this year's One Shining Moment video, PLEASE adhere to the following criteria...

Buzzer beaters are a no-brainer.

Slam dunks are next in line. The harder they shake the backboard, the better.

Players running down the court, holding up a finger in the "we're number 1" gesture makes for a nice feel-good moment, but HAS NO BUSINESS being in the highlight video.

Close-ups of high-fives and lingering shots of crowd reactions are acceptable. . . If the tournament is shown on the Oxygen Network. On CBS, get that @#*) outta here.

Save the cheerleader shots for a separate video titled "Girls gone Mad-ness" -- DON'T put them in the Shining Moment video!!

OK, so just to recap. If you want to restore One Shining Moment to its former greatness, pack it full of dunks, blocks, dagger shots, and hard fouls. Get rid of the cheerleaders, the fans, the highfives, and the spheres of light coming from nether regions.

I trust that you'll do the right thing, CBS.


Melissa B. said...

Everything seems to be turning into a shadow of its former self. But speaking of Shining Moments...did you see the beyond-AWESOME dunk last nite in the Gonzaga-Akron game? Then the three Gonzaga players in a row who tried to replicate it, but missed? From my personal "highlight" reel...

Mister Teacher said...

No, I didn't see it. What happened? I watched everything they showed the entire evening, but they didn't show us any of the Gonzaga-Akron game until after the UCLA-VCU game was over.
I did see the kid from Montana State (?) in the NIT dunk it then flip and crash on his face...

IMC Guy said...

I disagree about the cheerleaders in the One Shining Moment video. You need them during "Blink of an eye" lyrics. You need them jumping up and down after a victory. You need them because they're hot!

I love the One Shining Moment and wish there was an extended version, however. It's awesome. Can't wait to see it this year when Jim Nance says this line at the end of the video "And Carolina is the King of College Basketball."

Melissa B. said...

PS: Please don't forget Sx3 today...I'm doing a video, which is quirky enough to get everyone's creative juices flowing!