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Saturday, January 10, 2009

A very special guest

I hope everyone is having a happy weekend, and that the return to school did not fry too many brains out there!

Since it's Saturday, kind of a lazy day, my Guest Poster for today is none other than -- ME! In my Mr. Teacher of guise!

I have been writing columns for for a little over a year now, and the agreement is that there is a 90-day waiting period between when I post a column and when I can post something like it on my blog. Since 90 days have passed since many of those columns, I am free to post them here now! So I'm going to start with one of my favorites, which was my ideas during the Writer's Strike that affected many of us last year.

* This was originally posted on January 8, 2008 here at *


If you're like me, you are really upset about the writers’ strike that has had such a huge effect on movies and TV shows. Some of my favorite series -- "Heroes", "Lost", "Battlestar Galactica" -- have been delayed or suspended, while the very existence of others is up in the air.

Well now you don't need to worry any longer! Since I am not officially a member of the Writers Guild of America (or any Guild, for that matter), I am not forbidden to introduce new ideas into general public awareness.

So I have taken it upon myself to develop a few new concepts for movies and TV. These pitches -- all teacher-related, of course -- might just be coming to a video store near you, if the strike doesn't end soon.

"Try Hard" -- John McWayne was a 3rd-grade master reading teacher, the best at his inner-city public school. Until he ran into the class with no motivation. Led by an apathetic ESL student named Hans, this class didn't know the definition of the word, "effort." Witness McWayne win over and inspire the kids so they pass the evil standardized test.
*this movie would invariably spawn a sequel about the kids who did NOT pass -- "Try Hard 2: Try Harder".

"7" -- Special Agent Jack Tower of the CPU (Counter Plagiarism Unit) faces the longest school day of his life when a plot to mass distribute Senior term papers is uncovered. Meanwhile, Principal Palmer has his hands full dealing with a group of kids determined to kidnap the school mascot. Shot in real-time, each episode follows Jack and his crack team as they unearth clues, interrogate students, and enjoy a 30-minute cafeteria lunch. Don't miss the pulse pounding excitement!

"The Text-Files" -- Agents Sculder and Mulley, of the NTAA (National Textbook Adoption Agency) investigate mysterious occurrences involving misspellings and disappearing answer keys in Teacher Editions. Standing in their way is the sinister consortium, headed by the devious Pencil-Chewing Man. When it comes to history books, Sculder and Mulley are out to prove -- "the Truth is in there!"

"The Bourne Congruency" -- Amnesiac super-spy/assassin Jason Bourne is back again, this time as a high school geometry teacher! The pieces of his shattered life have finally begun to fall back into place, and to Bourne's surprise, those pieces are all the same size and same shape.

"The Straight A-Team" -- 10 hours ago, a crack academic team was sent to detention for a violation they didn't commit. These students promptly escaped from the minimum-security detention hall to the high school underground. Today, still wanted by the vice principal, they survive as mathletes of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... the Straight A-Team.

If these don't get green light for whatever reason, I've got tons more: "Fast Times Tables at Ridgemont High", "Charlie's Angles", "The Addition Facts of Life", "Everybody Loves Rounding", and so on and so on.

Writers Guild of America -- let this serve as motivation to you to get back into place quickly!!


Anonymous said...

Hey, a friend of mine just gave me your book a few days ago and it is so funny. I am in school for teaching and so I am trying to soak up all the advice I can before the long awaited first day comes. I'm from Dallas too; what school are you teaching at?

Mister Teacher said...

Hey Jana,

Thanks for reading and good luck! I don't name my school on here for purposes of privacy, but I like it there! :)

melomania said...

I love those ideas! As a total math (and general) geek, I could really get into some of them!