Holy insomnia, Batman!

Okay, it's four in the morning, and I just cannot seem to fall asleep. Perhaps it's my non-recommended new bedtime routine -- melting a bar of dark chocolate into a hot mug of Mountain Dew (saw that on the Colbert Report, and I'll be using that a lot). But whatever the reason, I saw no more point to just lying in bed.

So I started surfing around the web, and I came across this "Which superhero are you?" site. Of course I had to take the test immediately. And as you will see, the results came out with nothing unexpected. I tied for two superheroes, so I basically am an amalgam of Supes and Spidey. My only question is, who nominated Robin as a superhero??

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 90% Spider-Man 90% The Flash 65% Hulk 60% Robin 57% Green Lantern 50% Iron Man 45% Supergirl 42% Batman 30% Wonder Woman 27% Catwoman 25%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

The only thing I would recommend for future superhero tests is to include Captain America. That way, everyone can say they have a little Captain in 'em.

And of course, we can't have the superheroes without the villains. So here are the results of my "Which villain are you?" test.

Your results:
You are Dr. Doom

Dr. Doom 57% Riddler 50% The Joker 49% Apocalypse 49% Mr. Freeze 43% Lex Luthor 41% Juggernaut 41% Magneto 40% Dark Phoenix 36% Venom 34% Mystique 29% Green Goblin 25% Two-Face 25% Catwoman 23% Kingpin 23% Poison Ivy 22%

Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz...

Last chance

Hey everybody, 2 more days until 2007! That means if you haven't signed my guestbook yet, now is the time to do it! And at the risk of sounding like Big Brother, let me just say that I can tell by using my stat tracker program WHERE in the world people are visiting from, but it's nice to have names and occupations as well. I've seen visitors from Spain, the Czech Republic, and France (and Florida as well), but these people have not signed in.

Come on people! What's it going to take? Do I need to promise you each $10 million? Well, what about ten million pounds? If so, have I got a deal for you! Check it out here!

For the rest of you, have a very Happy New Year!!! I will blog at you in 2007!

Here goes nothing

Okay, I have finally done it. At much urging from my friends and family, I have finally sent a copy of Learn Me Good to Oprah Winfrey.

Sure, I realize that most likely, nothing will ever come of this. But even if my chances are only one in a quadrajagillion -- that's still a chance.

Plus, it gives me the chance try out this nifty little toy underneath my Google search box.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Multiplications Greatest Hits

I’m baaaaaack…

I hope that everyone had a very Merry Christmas. I had a very nice visit with the family, and Movie Night went well. It actually ended pretty early for once – 2:30AM-- but my uncle and I stayed up and watched Serenity. Not a Christmas movie, I know, but it was one I hadn't seen yet.

My aunt and uncle and cousins were in town from Minnesota, and it's always nice to see the girls, as we don't get to see them very often. The older one is in the fourth grade, and the younger one is three years old. So while the three-year-old ran wild around the house with my two-year-old nephew, my older cousin brought me a pad and pencil and wanted me to show her some math problems. Now THAT'S my kind of kid!

I showed her a few tricks for multiplication (she knew the finger trick for 9's, but not the counting up and down trick), and then she shared with me a song that she uses to remember one tricky fact.

“8 times 8 went to the store,
To buy a Nintendo 64."

Pretty cute, eh? At my school, we have songs that go through the entire times table of a particular number, but perhaps we need songs for individual facts. So that got me thinking of some possibilities:

"7 times 8 liked Stevie Nicks,
That girl looks like she's 56."

"4 times 6 loved brave Jack Bauer,
And watched his show all 24 hours."

"5 times 4 could sure see plenty,
His vision checked out 20/20."

If anybody thinks up any new ones, please let me know.

And please continue to sign the guestbook. I LOVE the response it's been getting so far! My goal is to have at least one signature from every continent. That's right -- all 9 of them!!

What time is midnight Mass???

Well, I am off to join my family for our movie night, and the normal Christmas proceedings. I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas, and that you get everything you want this year -- whether it be TIVO, sports cars, fast cars, hybrids, ethernet cable, portable air-conditioning, stock loans, remote desktop, viaticals, or even cash for annuity payment, so that you can sell annuity.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

(And please continue to sign the guestbook on the previous post!)

Project Guestbook

As we approach the end of the year, I thought it would be a neat idea to ask for EVERYONE who reads this blog to leave a comment! Nothing major, I'm just asking you to take the time to post where you are coming from. Also, put your occupation on there as well. And your hat size while you're at it. Also, your greatest fear.

Nah, let's not make this too complicated. Just take 10 seconds to click on the "witty rejoinders" link, then leave your name and location.

Do this within the next five minutes, and you will meet the love of your life, you will win the global lottery, and you will discover how to turn silly putty into gold. If you choose to ignore this, your pet iguana will die, your thumbs will fall off, and everyone will call you, "Snotty McDingles" for the rest of your life.

Just to be fair, I'll even post the first comment. (I sure hope my OTHER thumb doesn't fall off)

It's a bit nippley out

My family has a tradition. Every Christmas Eve Eve (that's the 23rd, for you non-gentiles), we have our Teacher Family Christmas Movie Marathon™. We invite all of our family and friends over to our parents’ house, and we watch as many Christmas-themed movies as we can fit into one night.

We usually start around 5 or 6, with It's a Wonderful Life playing in the background (since we all know all of the words anyway), and at the night doesn't end until around 4 or 5 in the morning. Usually, by around 1 A.M., most everyone is dozing on the floor, so my brother and I put up Die Hard -- hey, it's a Christmas movie!

Each year, there are new movies that get added to the viewing rotation, and others that cycle out. But one that remains constant since its inception is the Chevy Chase vehicle -- National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. This is one of our all-time favorite Christmas movies, and it just gets funnier and funnier with each viewing.

So here's the interactive feature for the day. I'm taking a page from A Shrewdness Of Apes, but reversing it. She posts quotes and asks for the movie; I am already telling you what the movie is, and asking for your favorite quotes.
Here are a few to get the ball rolling:

"Where do you think you're going to put a tree that big?"
"Bend over, and I'll show you!"

"He's just yakkin’ on a bone."

"Dad, that tree wouldn't fit in our backyard!"
"It's not going in our backyard, Russ; it's going in our living room."

"That's pretty low, mister. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you..."

"Thanks, Dad. You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination."

"If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-a$$, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh!t he is! Hallelujah! Holy sh!t! Where's the Tylenol?”



Now it's your turn. Please try to keep it clean. Especially when discussing Randy Quaid emptying a chemical toilet...

Another silly list

I found this little exercise over at Ms. Teacher. It's pretty pointless, but I'm sort of bored, so here goes:

Wanna play? It's simple. Copy, paste and if you've done it, bold it.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said I love you and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Dated a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own novel
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

Her Royal Money Giver

Well, I got another very interesting e-mail over the weekend. I have yet to see those millions of dollars from the guy in Nigeria, but now this nice old lady in England wants to send me all of her money.

I don't know if she's a fan of my blog, or if she got ahold of a few of my specially-designed heat pumps back from when I was an engineer, or if she just threw a dart at a phone book -- but for what ever reason, she has decided to bequeath her family fortune to me.

Don't believe me? Check out the e-mail for yourself, O Doubting Mufasa...

From: Madam Joan Taylor.
4 Old Church Street, Chelsea, SW3, England.
Good Day,
Here writes Madam Joan Taylor, suffering from Cancerous ailment.
I am married to Engineer Silas Hines an Englishman who is dead. My husband was into private practice all his life before his death. Our life together as man and wife lasted for three decades without child. My husband died after a protracted illness. My husband and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals as he had passion for persons who can not help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament. I can adduce this to the fact that he needed a Child from this relationship, which never came.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 10 Million
Pounds (Ten Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling) which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market with his bank here in UK. Presently, this money is still with the Bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the (LUCAMEA) cancerous problems I am suffering from. Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to the cancer. With this hard reality that has befallen my family and me, I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which comes from my husbands effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially.
It is often said that blessed is the hand that giveth.
I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons and I do not want my husband’s hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures. I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be with the Almighty when I eventually pass on. The Almighty will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health and because of the presence of my husband’s relatives around me, because I do not want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply through this my confidential email Address: I shall give you the contact of the bank in UK. I will also issue you a Letter of Authority that will empower you as the original beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein. Hope to hear from you very soon and God bless you and members of your family.
Yours sincerely
Mrs. Joan Taylor.

It's an honor just to be nominated

I hardly have words to express my feelings. I am overcome with amazement, appreciation, and -- I'll be honest -- a small feeling of unworthiness.

I am of course speaking of Time Magazine's selection of me as Person of the Year. This came as a complete surprise to me, as I am not involved in politics of any sort, I have not created any miracle cures lately, and while my novel, Learn Me Good, IS pretty darn funny if I may say so myself, it can hardly be held responsible for any peace that might break out around the world.

So when I read in the paper this morning that I had been selected for this immense honor, I felt overwhelmed with pride, and just a bit dizzy.

Of course, I should mention that if you are reading this blog post, then YOU TOO have been selected as Time Magazine's Person of the Year. In what could possibly be seen as a "give up" move, the magazine has named anyone who uses the Web to their top honor. Maybe they felt that too many people had had their feelings hurt over the past 50 or so years by not being selected. Or maybe it was just a simple case of procrastination, and all of the good folks had already been named Person of the Year by other magazines.

So I say congratulations to all of us! Let's wear this mantle with pride! I'll end things here, so I can go wait by my mailbox for my trophy and my check.

Grades, Schmades

I saw a link to this story over on Dave Barry's blog. This shining example of educatorhood apparently decided to teach his students about pyramids in a unique way -- by way of pyramid scheme.

With a small payment, students could convince Elvin "Get Rich Quick, or Die Teaching" Escano to break into official school records and change certain grades. In fact, Escano accepted other forms of currency as well as cash. While $500 might change an F to an A, a 12 pack of Michelob Light could raise a C- to a C+.

Makes me wonder what sort of grade change could be bought for a Big Mac and fries.

A shameless plug, for pugs

I saw a friend last night that I used to work with, and whom I had not seen in a while. She still teaches, but she has also started an internet business on the side.

Pawsitive Perfection (Impawsible not to smile at that) caters to those who like to pamper their pets. The company provides a line of products specifically tailored for cats and dogs. I told her that I would add a link to my blog and try to send some interested parties her way.

Good for her, I say! She's giving it a go. This gives me inspiration to think about possibly one day starting my own side business -- providing custom-made cowls and capes for superhero wannabes...

The 10 days of Christmas, Finale

Final day, folks. Hope you enjoyed it. No more school for me until January 3rd!!!!!


On the tenth day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

10 Splitting Migraines
9 Kids a-Cheating
8 Torn up Textbooks
7 "I don't wanna"s
6 Tattlers Tattling
5 Broken Things...
4 Dirty Words
3 Smug Smirks
2 Middle Fingers
And a Fart Ripped in a Hurry.

The 10 days of Christmas, Day 9

On the ninth day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

9 Kids a-Cheating
8 Torn up Textbooks
7 "I don't wanna"s
6 Tattlers Tattling
5 Broken Things...
4 Dirty Words
3 Smug Smirks
2 Middle Fingers
And a Fart Ripped in a Hurry.

The 10 days of Christmas, Day 8

On the eighth day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

8 Torn up Textbooks
7 "I don't wanna"s
6 Tattlers Tattling
5 Broken Things...
4 Dirty Words
3 Smug Smirks
2 Middle Fingers
And a Fart Ripped in a Hurry.

The 10 days of Christmas, Day 7

On the seventh day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

7 "I don't wanna"s
6 Tattlers Tattling
5 Broken Things...
4 Dirty Words
3 Smug Smirks
2 Middle Fingers
And a Fart Ripped in a Hurry.

Excuse me, I think I misheard you

Two of my third grade team members told me a story today after the kids had been dismissed, and I just had to put it down in writing.

They had taken their kids down to the library after lunch where the librarian read a story to them. This story involved a grandmother taking care of her granddaughter out on a farm. At a moment of conflict in the story, the gentle folk are threatened by a rattlesnake. The grandmother tells the girl that she is going to get a hoe to fend off the snake.

No sooner had she read that line than a little boy in the class got wide-eyed and yelled out, "She sinned!!"

The librarian tried to explain, "No, the grandmother is just trying to protect the little girl."

But the little boy insisted, "SHE'S A SINNER!!!!”

Apparently he was not aware of an alternate meaning (and spelling) of the critical word that he had heard. Garden implement, my friend; NOT lady of ill repute.

I can't WAIT till the kids hear about The Scarlet Pimp-ernel.

Come and see the 80 year old giant!

Yesterday morning, I revealed my age to my homeroom. I believe it was because I was trying to show the kids why the answer to one word problem did not make sense. The question was something along the lines of, "Herbert is 15 years old. His sister is 18 years old. How much older is his sister than Herbert?"

Several of my kids had added the two numbers and gotten 33 as their answer. Of course, if the sister was ONLY 18 years old, she could not possibly be 33 years OLDER than anyone else. As a living example, I said to the kids, "I am 33 years old. The only person I am 33 years OLDER than..."

At this point, I was interrupted by one of my students raising her hand and blurting out, "ME??”

I continued, "is someone who was just born today. You might ACT like you were just born today, but we all know that's not really true."

As usual, the revealing of a teacher's age discussion than the latest Nicole Richie hunger strike. "You're 33?!??” “I thought you were 20 something!” “I thought you were 100!”

And the one that really struck my fancy-- "You look taller than 33.”

You know, if height and age were directly related, then I would be almost 13 feet tall by the time I was 70 years old.

The 10 days of Christmas, Day 6

On the sixth day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

6 Tattlers Tattling
5 Broken Things...
4 Dirty Words
3 Smug Smirks
2 Middle Fingers
And a Fart Ripped in a Hurry.

The 10 days of Christmas, Day 5

On the fifth day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

5 Broken Things...
4 Dirty Words
3 Smug Smirks
2 Middle Fingers
And a Fart Ripped in a Hurry.

The 10 days of Christmas, Day 4

On the fourth day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

4 dirty words
3 smug smirks
2 middle fingers
And a fart ripped in a hurry.

The 10 days of Christmas, Day 3

On the third day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

3 smug smirks
2 middle fingers
And a fart ripped in a hurry.

My Secret Santa is a genius

We are doing a secret Santa program at my school, and the gift exchanges began today. I won't find out who MY secret Santa is until next Monday afternoon, but I am already looking forward to finding out. Today, I got possibly the greatest secret Santa gift ever.

I was in a fifth-grade classroom this morning, monitoring their social studies benchmark test. Do to an infinitesimal percentage of teachers cheating on the TAKS test, none of us are allowed to administer important tests to our own students anymore. So the fifth-grade teachers were in our rooms, and vice versa. This in itself is the subject for a rant at another time.

So there I was, standing sternly at the back of this classroom, when one of our substitute office personnel walked by and motioned me out into the hallway. She asked if I was Mister Teacher, which of course, I was. She handed me a bulging US Post Office express mail package. It was addressed to me in, allegedly having been sent from the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, DC. Originally being from DC myself, I was a bit suspicious that the ZIP code did not look correct, but other than that, it looked very official. So of course, I was wondering what the heck was going on.

I waited until the test was over and I had gotten back to my classroom before opening the package. There were three things inside. One was a small note. A second item was a small baggy containing three lottery tickets. The third item was shrouded in a large piece of brown paper.

I read the note. It said, "Mister Teacher, this is the best we could part with from Julius Caesar. Hope it will fit with your collection. Thanks."

As far as secret Santa gifts go, this was shaping up to be a most bizarre example. It was soon to get even stranger. I unwrapped the large bulky item, and I found a large bone with a few shreds of meat still hanging determinedly from it. For about 10 seconds, my mind cycled through all of the possible third words for the phrase, "What the--?”

Then I remembered. This was exactly what I had asked for. Every year, before we select each other and find who we will be giving gifts to, we fill out a short questionnaire. Favorite color, food, music, etc. Needless to say, I very rarely take that questionnaire seriously. My answers are almost always of the facetious variety. So this year, when asked for hobbies, my response was, "Collecting the bones of ancient Roman emperors."

Can I just say one more time -- my secret Santa is a freakin’ GENIUS!!!

Now I feel kind of bad for the person I have. I just got them a lousy iPod…


Oh, I should also mention that I think I won $10 off of one of the lottery cards...

The 10 days of Christmas, part two

Continuing our melody:

On the second day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

2 middle fingers
And a fart ripped in a hurry.

The 10 days of Christmas

In the spirit of holiday cheer, and seeing as how the last day of school before Christmas vacation (I really don't care what they call it in the schools -- it IS Christmas vacation) is December 15, I thought I would dole out my own blend of Yuletide joy.

Beginning today, I present my take on the Christmas classic, The 12 Days of Christmas. However, I am not counting weekends, so that takes us down to The 10 Days of Christmas. Each day I will add a verse, so that on the 10th day, the carol will be complete. So without any further ado, here we go.

On the first day of Christmas, my students gave to me:

A fart ripped in a hurry.

Movie Math-ness??

I've been meaning to mention this for a while now, but I'd like to give a shout out to Ms. Cornelius over at A Shrewdness of Apes. Every Monday, she posts a movie challenge where she puts up several movie quotes, and you have to prove your knowledge of the movie by providing more quotes.
Head on over and test your movie skills. And tell Ms. Cornelius that she's crazy. Crazy like an ape.

This one goes to 11

Sunday night, as I write this post, my stat counter sits at 10,988. I feel safe in saying that by the time I check again tomorrow, this blog will have surpassed the 11K mark. 11,000 visitors -- and it hasn't even been up for a full year yet! Not too shabby for a poor, deformed, dismembered goat herder from Lithuania, eh? And pretty decent for a guy like myself as well!

Thanks to all of my visitors, both regulars and irregulars. Keep on reading, and don't forget to click the Google Ads when you visit. Also, be sure to floss, look both ways when you cross the street, and always use the buddy system when you spelunk.

Houston, we have a word problem

The other math teachers and I had a brilliant idea last week. We figured that a great way to help the kids get even better with math problems AND to save ourselves the effort of searching through books for good homework was to have the kids to ALL of the work. So their "test" yesterday was to write their own word problems. They were allowed to write as many as they wanted, but they had to write at least one problem that required addition and at least one problem that required subtraction.

And no matter how frustrated I get with these kids sometimes, I always find myself very pleasantly surprised when I ask them to get creative. Some of the problems that I received were outstandingly written, and some were endearingly hilarious. However, it was quite clear that all of my kids put their best effort forward yesterday.

Today, I will share with you some of the problems that will most likely be appearing on next week's homework and/or test, and some of the problems that just weren't quite up to snuff, but which are very fun to read.

First, a few of the best:

"J has 24 suckers and he gave K 10 of them. How many suckers did he have left?"
-- this might not seem so special, but it came from one of my absolute lowest students.

"B's mom baked her a cake because it was her birthday. B invited two friends, D and A. D ate 10 pieces. A ate three more pieces than D. How many pieces did A eat?"
-- good use of extra information here, as well as numbers in word form.

"On Friday, I had a test of addition and there were 12 problems. I only finished 5 of them. How many more did I need to do?"
-- a great subtraction problem that doesn't involved anything being given or taken away.

And now a few I found pretty funny:

"J and G went to school. J did the Pledge of Allegiance 20 times. The next day, G did the Pledge of Allegiance 50 times. How many times did they do it all together?"
-- I'm telling you, I make them recite it until they get it right, doggone it!

"T had 5 sisters. 2 of them went to college. How many sisters does he have now?"
-- well, still 5 I think. Unless of course, they went to Carolina, in which case it would stand to reason that they are dead to him.

"Yesterday, the temperature was 34° F. What will be the change in temperature during the night?"
-- more a question for our meteorologists than our third-graders.

"Mister Teacher has 99 markers. He received 900 more markers. Mister Teacher has a nice haircut. How many markers does Mister Teacher have in all?"
-- interesting choice of random extra information...

And finally, a question from one of my little girls who just doesn't understand the concept...

"D had $22 in his account. He spent $32 for his lunch. How many more money does he have left?"