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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

It's a bit nippley out

My family has a tradition. Every Christmas Eve Eve (that's the 23rd, for you non-gentiles), we have our Teacher Family Christmas Movie Marathon™. We invite all of our family and friends over to our parents’ house, and we watch as many Christmas-themed movies as we can fit into one night.

We usually start around 5 or 6, with It's a Wonderful Life playing in the background (since we all know all of the words anyway), and at the night doesn't end until around 4 or 5 in the morning. Usually, by around 1 A.M., most everyone is dozing on the floor, so my brother and I put up Die Hard -- hey, it's a Christmas movie!

Each year, there are new movies that get added to the viewing rotation, and others that cycle out. But one that remains constant since its inception is the Chevy Chase vehicle -- National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. This is one of our all-time favorite Christmas movies, and it just gets funnier and funnier with each viewing.

So here's the interactive feature for the day. I'm taking a page from A Shrewdness Of Apes, but reversing it. She posts quotes and asks for the movie; I am already telling you what the movie is, and asking for your favorite quotes.
Here are a few to get the ball rolling:

"Where do you think you're going to put a tree that big?"
"Bend over, and I'll show you!"

"He's just yakkin’ on a bone."

"Dad, that tree wouldn't fit in our backyard!"
"It's not going in our backyard, Russ; it's going in our living room."

"That's pretty low, mister. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you..."

"Thanks, Dad. You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination."

"If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-a$$, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh!t he is! Hallelujah! Holy sh!t! Where's the Tylenol?”

Now it's your turn. Please try to keep it clean. Especially when discussing Randy Quaid emptying a chemical toilet...


Anonymous said...

The shop girl part is my favorite:

Mary: "Can I show you something?"
Clark: "Ah. I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. "
Mary: "For your wife or your girlfriend?"
Clark: "What? What happened? Whoof! I guess it wouldn't be any... Whoa! It wouldn't be the
Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than - hotter than they are. Whoo! It is warm in here."
Mary: "Well, you have your coat on."
Clark: "Oh, do I? How did that happen?"
Mary: "Because, it's cold out."
Clark: "Yes, it's a bit nippely out. I mean nippy out. What did I say, nipple? Ah, there is a nip in
the air though."
Mary: "Can I take something out for you?"
Clark: "I was just looking at something for my wife, god rest her soul."
Mary: "Oh god, I'm so sorry."
Clark: "Oh no no no, she's not dead. We're just divorced. She's history. And, obviously she
doesn't wear underwear. And, there are plenty of shopping days left until adulteries - adulthood - which is to say Christmas, as in Yule, Yule log. Not a log, I don't have a log. I mean you know. If I had a log, not in the sense that you think I said I did. Good golly. Tis the season to be merry."
Mary: "That's my name."
Clark: "No shit!"

Anonymous said...

What a great tradition! Sounds like fun. I really stink at movie quotes so I'll just laugh at yours :)

Mike in Texas said...

"Welcome to the party pal!"

Oh wait, wrong movie

Mister Teacher said...

Heather, thank you so much for keeping it clean and profanity free, as I asked...

And Mike, once again you have made me laugh my butt off. That is one of my favorite lines from Die Hard, and I say it all the time.

Anonymous said...

"later Dudes" (when they're sledding)

Mike in Texas said...

I was hoping I could add a Cousin Eddie line from the movie, but my favorite still has to be from "Vegas Vacation"

"Where's the dam bait shop?"