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Friday, June 23, 2006
One meeelion dollars
A religious ministry in Denton, TX is not feeling so much like a million bucks any more. According to a story in today's Dallas Morning News, The Great News Network had a whole mess of pamphlets printed up, designed to look like a piece of currency. Apparently, these tracts resembled American money a bit TOO closely.
The Secret Service (which anyone who has ever watched The Untouchables knows is an arm of the US Treasury Department) has confiscated these pamphlets, after becoming concerned when some nitwit in North Carolina tried to deposit one of them into his bank account.
"Good morning, sir, what can I do for you today?"
"Um, I just need to make a deposit. This check for $11.50, two rolls of nickels, and uh... this one million-dollar bill."
As you can see from the picture, the pamphlet looks relatively authentic, insomuch as the coloration, the location and size of the presidential portrait, the text and fonts, etc. According to the article, the back of the bill looks more like the back of a twenty, except that things are written around the borders, such as warnings against impure thoughts. One can only assume that the creators forgot to include, "Not intended for deposit."
So the lesson to be learned here, boys and girls, is that anything that resembles currency too much is not approved of by the United States government. This actually makes me worry about a few items in my own classroom. For one thing, I have a whole plastic tub filled to the brim with manipulative coins that, aside from being plastic, VERY closely resemble the real thing. Even more worrisome, I have given out pencils and erasers that have images of $100 bills on them. I suppose I should be expecting Elliot Ness and his men to knock on my door any day now...
One last interesting thing. The article states that Grover Cleveland's picture, which is featured prominently on the religious pamphlets, ACTUALLY appears on the $1000 bill. Did anyone else know that such a thing exists?? Does anyone actually spend $1000 bills?!? Well, I may not have anything like that, but I know I'm special because somewhere around here, I have a two dollar bill...
Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Cleveland!