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Saturday, September 01, 2012
Need a Kleenex?
I'm a little late posting this week's Learn Me Good comic strip to the blog. For you guys who were anxiously anticipating it, I apologize to both of you...
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Suck it up, or quit!
After seeing some of the responses from non-teachers on my recent DMN blog post -- where the overriding argument seems to be that if you don't like something, your two options are 1) suck it up and shut up or 2) QUIT -- I got an idea for a new post.
Today is the last day before classes start, so I've made a list of complaints that I've had or may have this year. You may have had these same complaints at one time, or you may feel like making them this year, but know this. According to some people, you teachers knew what you were getting yourselves into when you joined the profession, so there's no reason to complain about anything, you just need to do whatever is asked of you, and you always have the option of quitting at year's end.
1) The A/C in my classroom doesn't seem to be working, and/or it's working TOO well. --
We haven't been able to control the thermostats in our classrooms for about 6 years now, so we never really know what the climate is going to be like when we enter. Some days it's an arctic chill, some days it's mild, and some days it's like being on the surface of the sun. But there's no use complaining, right? I knew full well when I entered my teaching certification courses that my body would need to naturally and spontaneously adapt on a daily basis to changing temperatures and humidity levels!
2) I don't have updated technology in my classroom. --
That's ok, kids have been learning with chalk and the backs of shovels since before Abraham Lincoln's day! If it was good enough for Honest Abe, it's good enough for me! I'm sure there's some corporate worker out there who is still dealing with primitive resources in his job, so his case should be applied to all teachers who are teaching updated curricula with outdated tools!
3) Some parents won't return my calls or come to discuss their child --
There always seems to be a few folks who think that what happens at school should stay at school, and they don't want to be "bothered" by hearing about what their kid is doing, good OR bad. But I am clearly a fool for forgetting that I went to college to learn how to work with KIDS! Not ADULTS!! Why on earth would I think I had the right to talk to adults as a teacher?? If I want to work with adults, I most definitely should quit and get a different job.
4) There is a "No recess" policy in action at my school --
It sure would be nice if the kids had ten minutes or so to blow off steam and run to their hearts' content. But I should have realized going in to my job choice that "recess" is one of those abstract, unquantifiable things that was bound to go the way of the dodo, along with "homework," "respect," and "consequences."
5) I need to see the doctor, but in order to do so, I have to either find someone who will see me after 5:00 or take an entire day off for the appointment. --
As my friends have said countless times, teachers are EXPECTED to contract every sickness and disease known to man, plus a few others -- EACH YEAR! They are fond of telling me that I also am expected to fight through the pain, the snot, the oozing, and the fever. Doctors, Schmoctors!
I'm sure there are plenty of others, but I for one will be trying my darndest to remember NOT to complain about anything this year. I'll just put my head down, break my back, and do every little, ridiculous, unnecessary thing that is asked of me. You betcha.
Today is the last day before classes start, so I've made a list of complaints that I've had or may have this year. You may have had these same complaints at one time, or you may feel like making them this year, but know this. According to some people, you teachers knew what you were getting yourselves into when you joined the profession, so there's no reason to complain about anything, you just need to do whatever is asked of you, and you always have the option of quitting at year's end.
1) The A/C in my classroom doesn't seem to be working, and/or it's working TOO well. --
We haven't been able to control the thermostats in our classrooms for about 6 years now, so we never really know what the climate is going to be like when we enter. Some days it's an arctic chill, some days it's mild, and some days it's like being on the surface of the sun. But there's no use complaining, right? I knew full well when I entered my teaching certification courses that my body would need to naturally and spontaneously adapt on a daily basis to changing temperatures and humidity levels!
2) I don't have updated technology in my classroom. --
That's ok, kids have been learning with chalk and the backs of shovels since before Abraham Lincoln's day! If it was good enough for Honest Abe, it's good enough for me! I'm sure there's some corporate worker out there who is still dealing with primitive resources in his job, so his case should be applied to all teachers who are teaching updated curricula with outdated tools!
3) Some parents won't return my calls or come to discuss their child --
There always seems to be a few folks who think that what happens at school should stay at school, and they don't want to be "bothered" by hearing about what their kid is doing, good OR bad. But I am clearly a fool for forgetting that I went to college to learn how to work with KIDS! Not ADULTS!! Why on earth would I think I had the right to talk to adults as a teacher?? If I want to work with adults, I most definitely should quit and get a different job.
4) There is a "No recess" policy in action at my school --
It sure would be nice if the kids had ten minutes or so to blow off steam and run to their hearts' content. But I should have realized going in to my job choice that "recess" is one of those abstract, unquantifiable things that was bound to go the way of the dodo, along with "homework," "respect," and "consequences."
5) I need to see the doctor, but in order to do so, I have to either find someone who will see me after 5:00 or take an entire day off for the appointment. --
As my friends have said countless times, teachers are EXPECTED to contract every sickness and disease known to man, plus a few others -- EACH YEAR! They are fond of telling me that I also am expected to fight through the pain, the snot, the oozing, and the fever. Doctors, Schmoctors!
I'm sure there are plenty of others, but I for one will be trying my darndest to remember NOT to complain about anything this year. I'll just put my head down, break my back, and do every little, ridiculous, unnecessary thing that is asked of me. You betcha.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Showing your school colors
Saw this story on Yahoo yesterday, about a grade school kid in Oklahoma who was disciplined for the shirt he wore to school and ordered to turn it inside out for the rest of the day. From the headline, my immediate thought was that it was merch from Hooters, or a bloody Insane Clown Posse world tour t-shirt, or even something that implied profanity, like a Battlestar Galactica shirt that said, "Frak that!"
Nope, the kid was wearing a University of Michigan shirt.
Now, I'm no fan of Mich, especially with the bad blood between Duke and the "Fab Five," of whose legacy Jalen Rose seems SO very desperate to hang on to. (By the way, screw "Fierce Five" -- The American girls who brought home gold this year in the Olympics are the Fab Five who actually WON something!)
However this does seem a bit extreme. Apparently, the rules of the school and maybe even the district are that only attire from Oklahoma-based schools can be worn? What a crock!
Nope, the kid was wearing a University of Michigan shirt.
Now, I'm no fan of Mich, especially with the bad blood between Duke and the "Fab Five," of whose legacy Jalen Rose seems SO very desperate to hang on to. (By the way, screw "Fierce Five" -- The American girls who brought home gold this year in the Olympics are the Fab Five who actually WON something!)
However this does seem a bit extreme. Apparently, the rules of the school and maybe even the district are that only attire from Oklahoma-based schools can be worn? What a crock!
Big Head??
Here's this week's Learn Me Good comic strip, based on a true event that happened last year. I was NOT expecting her to say that!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
An extra 45 minutes
I wrote a post over the weekend, and I was going to post it here, but instead I asked the editor of the education blog at the Dallas Morning News if she would be interested in running it on the DMN website. She agreed to run it, and it is posted today here:
My buddy warned me to be aware that the "haters" would surface, and of course they have. I don't understand why some people seem to take it upon themselves to consistently make the argument that teachers have no right to complain about anything whatsoever, just because they get summers off from working with kids.
My buddy warned me to be aware that the "haters" would surface, and of course they have. I don't understand why some people seem to take it upon themselves to consistently make the argument that teachers have no right to complain about anything whatsoever, just because they get summers off from working with kids.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Teachers are the worst students?
This week's Learn Me Good comic strip is here!
We've always heard that teachers make the worst students. Oh well...
We've always heard that teachers make the worst students. Oh well...
Monday, August 13, 2012
Back to school
Today is the first day I've set foot in my school since June 1st. It wasn't the first day back with the kids -- that doesn't come til the 27th. But I knew that the school would be open today, coupled with the fact that I will be in a new room this year, and I knew I couldn't put off the procrastination any more.
So I got quite the workout today. I didn't get to actually work IN my room at all. Well, I did take the time to sharpen a bunch of pencils in preparation for the first week, but I didn't get to arrange desks, put up bulletin boards, decorate my door, post inspirational hanging-kitten-meets-Yoda posters...
Instead, I spent the entire day moving things from one room to another.
The room that I am moving into still had most of the belongings and materials of the person who occupied the room last year. This is not a slight against her, because, after all, all of MY stuff was still in my old room as well. But it is what it is, and it needed to be moved before I could start moving my stuff in. So I spent a good portion of the morning moving her stuff 2 doors down to her new room.
Yes, you read that right. She's still teaching 4th grade, and she was moved TWO. DOORS. DOWN.
Redonkulous.
She had about 10 large plastic portable shelf units that had a lot of guided reading books on them. Those are what REALLY gave me a workout, especially my back and quads, and I was sweating like a pig as I finished moving the last one. That's just about the time that the head custodian came upstairs and asked why I had moved those shelves into the new room. When I told him, he informed me that those shelves did NOT belong to the other teacher; they were supposed to go out in the hallway, and the custodians had just moved them into my new room while the cleaned and waxed the floors. They just hadn't moved them back into the hallway.
That would have been nice to know in advance. (and I may possibly have negated that new wax/clean job through my moving efforts)
Once I got all of her stuff out of my new room, it was time to start moving things from my old room (downstairs) to my new room (upstairs). Instead of carrying one or two boxes by hand and going up and down the stairs about 200 times, I borrowed one of the school hand carts. This made it MUCH easier to load up a bunch of stuff and reduced the number of trips I had to take.
It also showed me exactly how poorly thought out the hand cart/elevator relationship had been. See, the handcart is about 5 feet long, and the elevator is about 4 feet deep. It's about 8 feet wide, so it fits inside, but actually getting it inside and free of the door was a feat in itself every single time. I had to push it in at an angle, squeeze into the elevator, reach down and pull the front wheel sideways then push the back end the other way... And if I ever took longer than 30 seconds, the elevator helpfully screeched at me.
Once I had all of my stuff up in the new room, it occurred to me that A) I was leaving all of my 3rd grade math materials downstairs and B) the former occupant of my new room was not a math teacher. I needed 4th grade math materials from a 3rd source! I was able to find textbooks in the upstairs classroom of the former 4th grade math teacher, but no other materials at all. Apparently, they were all moved (by her or by the custodians, I have no idea) down to her new 5th grade classroom.
UGH.
So there is still some moving to be done before I can even start to prepare my room for the kids. Good thing we don't start til the 27th!
So I got quite the workout today. I didn't get to actually work IN my room at all. Well, I did take the time to sharpen a bunch of pencils in preparation for the first week, but I didn't get to arrange desks, put up bulletin boards, decorate my door, post inspirational hanging-kitten-meets-Yoda posters...
Instead, I spent the entire day moving things from one room to another.
The room that I am moving into still had most of the belongings and materials of the person who occupied the room last year. This is not a slight against her, because, after all, all of MY stuff was still in my old room as well. But it is what it is, and it needed to be moved before I could start moving my stuff in. So I spent a good portion of the morning moving her stuff 2 doors down to her new room.
Yes, you read that right. She's still teaching 4th grade, and she was moved TWO. DOORS. DOWN.
Redonkulous.
She had about 10 large plastic portable shelf units that had a lot of guided reading books on them. Those are what REALLY gave me a workout, especially my back and quads, and I was sweating like a pig as I finished moving the last one. That's just about the time that the head custodian came upstairs and asked why I had moved those shelves into the new room. When I told him, he informed me that those shelves did NOT belong to the other teacher; they were supposed to go out in the hallway, and the custodians had just moved them into my new room while the cleaned and waxed the floors. They just hadn't moved them back into the hallway.
That would have been nice to know in advance. (and I may possibly have negated that new wax/clean job through my moving efforts)
Once I got all of her stuff out of my new room, it was time to start moving things from my old room (downstairs) to my new room (upstairs). Instead of carrying one or two boxes by hand and going up and down the stairs about 200 times, I borrowed one of the school hand carts. This made it MUCH easier to load up a bunch of stuff and reduced the number of trips I had to take.
It also showed me exactly how poorly thought out the hand cart/elevator relationship had been. See, the handcart is about 5 feet long, and the elevator is about 4 feet deep. It's about 8 feet wide, so it fits inside, but actually getting it inside and free of the door was a feat in itself every single time. I had to push it in at an angle, squeeze into the elevator, reach down and pull the front wheel sideways then push the back end the other way... And if I ever took longer than 30 seconds, the elevator helpfully screeched at me.
Once I had all of my stuff up in the new room, it occurred to me that A) I was leaving all of my 3rd grade math materials downstairs and B) the former occupant of my new room was not a math teacher. I needed 4th grade math materials from a 3rd source! I was able to find textbooks in the upstairs classroom of the former 4th grade math teacher, but no other materials at all. Apparently, they were all moved (by her or by the custodians, I have no idea) down to her new 5th grade classroom.
UGH.
So there is still some moving to be done before I can even start to prepare my room for the kids. Good thing we don't start til the 27th!
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
Why are you the teacher?
This week's Learn Me Good comic strip is inspired by something that really happened this year. One of my little girls wasn't quite satisfied with my lack of knowledge on this particular subject.
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
Get to know the Lowell Milken Center
THE LOWELL MILKEN CENTER
I wanted to share with you a great little video about an organization making a big difference in the lives of teachers and students all over the county. The Lowell Milken Center, named and founded by education philanthropist Lowell Milken in 2007, is a Kansas-based organization that uses project-based learning to uncover "unsung heroes who changed the world."
Check it out!
I wanted to share with you a great little video about an organization making a big difference in the lives of teachers and students all over the county. The Lowell Milken Center, named and founded by education philanthropist Lowell Milken in 2007, is a Kansas-based organization that uses project-based learning to uncover "unsung heroes who changed the world."
Check it out!
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Do we look like brothers?
Here is this week's Learn Me Good comic strip. Had a few technical difficulties, and several people on FB said that they were having trouble reading the words. So I changed the font, and hopefully it's much easier to read now.
I appreciate feedback!
As for the strip itself, has this ever happened to you? It's one thing for a kid to think that someone who looks a little bit like me might be my brother, but someone who looks NOTHING like me -- and also teachers at the school?!?!?
I work with a few ladies who told me that some of their kids used to think that two of them were sisters, while the third was their grandmother. And none of these ladies look old in the least!!
I appreciate feedback!
As for the strip itself, has this ever happened to you? It's one thing for a kid to think that someone who looks a little bit like me might be my brother, but someone who looks NOTHING like me -- and also teachers at the school?!?!?
I work with a few ladies who told me that some of their kids used to think that two of them were sisters, while the third was their grandmother. And none of these ladies look old in the least!!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Sorry, kid...
Here is this week's Learn Me Good comic strip!
We are all superheroes at school. We just can't wear capes or masks...
If you would like to purchase a mug, mouse pad, t-shirt, etc with this week's comics strip, please go to Mister Teacher's store!
If you would like to purchase a mug, mouse pad, t-shirt, etc with this week's comics strip, please go to Mister Teacher's store!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Outside the classroom
Here is the second comic strip in the Learn Me Good series.
I'm always amazed at how excited kids get when they see you outside of the school environment. I once had a kid practically scream at me, "I SAW YOU AT TACO BELL!" while several other kids whispered, "Really?? You really saw him?"
I'm always amazed at how excited kids get when they see you outside of the school environment. I once had a kid practically scream at me, "I SAW YOU AT TACO BELL!" while several other kids whispered, "Really?? You really saw him?"
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Learn Me Good goes comical
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages -- it gives me great pleasure to present to you the inaugural Learn Me Good comic strip!!
For a while now, I have thought it would be neat to present some LMG anecdotes in 3-panel style, as I've always been a huge fan of Calvin and Hobbes, Pearls Before Swine, Dilbert, and the like. The only thing is, I can't draw to save my life.
But over the 4th of July holiday, I was talking with my brother about a collaboration, and he agreed to try his hand out at the visuals, if I would provide the story ideas. My brother inherited ALL of the artistic talent in the family, whereas I can barely draw a circle.
So here is the finished product!
We hope to have a new one each Wednesday, so I hope you enjoy it and come back for more!
For a while now, I have thought it would be neat to present some LMG anecdotes in 3-panel style, as I've always been a huge fan of Calvin and Hobbes, Pearls Before Swine, Dilbert, and the like. The only thing is, I can't draw to save my life.
But over the 4th of July holiday, I was talking with my brother about a collaboration, and he agreed to try his hand out at the visuals, if I would provide the story ideas. My brother inherited ALL of the artistic talent in the family, whereas I can barely draw a circle.
So here is the finished product!
We hope to have a new one each Wednesday, so I hope you enjoy it and come back for more!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Join "The List!"
After last week's experiment with Entertainment Weekly (which, yeah, didn't go so well), it really moved me just how many people are willing to say nice things about Learn Me Good and to put in a good word or send an email to help the cause. So I'm putting together a list of people I can count on for support in a moment's notice, and a group that I can email with one click of the button.
This will not be a list that I send cutsie pictures of horses playing volleyball or jokes about hairless Wookiees. I will send emails only when there is a cause and I need help or I want definite input.
So if you'd like to join the Learn Me Good email list (and please, by all means, let me know if you have a better name for it), shoot me an email -- learnmegood2 AT yahoo DOT com (don't forget the 2!)
And please pass on the word if you know anyone else who would like to be on the list!
This will not be a list that I send cutsie pictures of horses playing volleyball or jokes about hairless Wookiees. I will send emails only when there is a cause and I need help or I want definite input.
So if you'd like to join the Learn Me Good email list (and please, by all means, let me know if you have a better name for it), shoot me an email -- learnmegood2 AT yahoo DOT com (don't forget the 2!)
And please pass on the word if you know anyone else who would like to be on the list!
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
The Great Learn Me Caper
As many of you know, I had a "brilliant" idea last week, and I enlisted the help of as many friends and fans as were willing to help me implement it.
I am a longtime reader and lover of Entertainment Weekly the magazine, and I've always thought it would be wonderful exposure to have Learn Me Good featured in the Books section of that magazine. I am also well aware that the writers of EW are highly unlikely to suddenly pluck a relatively unheard of novel out of the blue to feature in their pages.
So I hatched a scheme.
First, I sent this email to two of the book editors at EW:
**********
Hello, Ms. X and Mr Y,
I know that you typically review and promote books that are published by the "Big 6," but I have also seen a few non-traditional and independent authors working their way into the pages of EW recently. With the rise of e-books especially, readers are showing a willingness to give a chance to more writers than just those named King, Patterson, or Meyers. It's often a lot harder for those writers to get noticed, though.
I am one of those writers, and I'm also a teacher who is on summer vacation, so I have a little free time on my hands. As such, I thought I'd introduce you to my first novel, Learn Me Good.
I've asked a few friends and fans to write to you about Learn Me Good as well.
Learn Me Good is the story of Jack Woodson, a thermal design engineer who was laid off from his job.
Switching careers to be a teacher, he faces new challenges. Conference calls have been replaced with parent conferences. Product testing has given way to standardized testing. Instead of business cards, Jack now passes out report cards. The only thing that hasn't changed noticeably is the maturity level of the people surrounding him all day.
Learn Me Good is a hilarious first-person account, inspired by real life experiences. Through a series of emails to Fred Bommerson, his buddy who still works at Heat Pumps Unlimited, Jack chronicles a year-in-the-life of a brand new teacher. With subject lines such as "Irritable Vowel Syndrome," "In math class, no one can hear you scream," and "I love the smell of Lysol in the morning," Jack writes each email with a dash of sarcasm and plenty of irreverent wit.
"Jack Woodson (Duke Egr, class of '95) is currently living and working in Dallas, TX. He has forty children, and all of them have different mothers."
"I teach, therefore I am... poor."
Learn Me Good was self-published in paperback in 2006 and has since sold almost 1,500 copies. In 2009, it was published as an e-book for the Amazon Kindle, and it has since sold over 17,000 copies. It has received 185 reviews on Amazon.com, and 126 of those are 5-star reviews.
I would really love to have you check out Learn Me Good (and/or the sequel, Learn Me Gooder) and see if it might be worthy of mention or review in the pages of Entertainment Weekly. I would be more than happy to send you an electronic copy and/or a paperback copy upon request.
Thank you for your time,
John Pearson
***********
Perhaps if that had been the entirety of my plan, the editors would have taken notice and contacted me for an interview. I say perhaps in the sense that it is not an absolute impossibility. In the words of Mr. Spock, though, it seems highly illogical that I would have gotten that outcome from my email alone.
So I asked people to send in their own testimonials to the good folks at EW.
This was the "call to arms" email that I sent out to my willing volunteers (edited to remove email addresses):
************
Thank you again for helping me with this attempt to get noticed by Entertainment Weekly. Here's what I'd like you to do. This Tuesday, July 3, at around noon, I am going to send an email to the 2 reviewers at EW. I will mention in the email that I've asked a few friends and fans of Learn Me Good to email them as well. Please send your email a little AFTER noon CST (if it's later in the day, it's certainly not going to hurt anything).
Please make the subject line: "Learn Me Good by John Pearson"
I've included sort of a "boiler plate" message below the line of stars. Please feel free to cut and paste that into your email. But what will really add impact would be if you would personalize your email by adding a sentence or two (or more, if you are so inclined) including your own thoughts and opinions of the book (and even Learn Me Gooder if you want).
And then keep your fingers crossed that they get in touch with me in a positive light! :)
One more time, thank you so much for your support and help in this endeavor.
John
*************************************************************************************************
I teach, therefore I am... poor.
Learn Me Good is the story of Jack Woodson, a thermal design engineer who was laid off from his job. Switching careers to be a teacher, he faces new challenges. Conference calls have been replaced with parent conferences. Product testing has given way to standardized testing. Instead of business cards, Jack now passes out report cards. The only thing that hasn't changed noticeably is the maturity level of the people surrounding him all day.
Learn Me Good is a hilarious first-person account, inspired by real life experiences. Through a series of emails to Fred Bommerson, his buddy who still works at Heat Pumps Unlimited, Jack chronicles a year-in-the-life of a brand new teacher. With subject lines such as "Irritable Vowel Syndrome," "In math class, no one can hear you scream," and "I love the smell of Lysol in the morning," Jack writes each email with a dash of sarcasm and plenty of irreverent wit.
Since its original publication, Learn Me Good has sold almost 1,500 paperback copies and over 17,000 e-copies. It has received 184 reviews on Amazon.com, and 125 of those are 5-star reviews. These are amazing statistics for a self-published novel with no major backing!
Please look into featuring Learn Me Good and/or its sequel, Learn Me Gooder, in the pages of Entertainment Weekly.
**************
So that was the setup for my experiment. It may seem amateurish to some, but hey, I AM an amateur!
I knew there was a chance that this might be seen as a major annoyance, but I also figured that seeing a lot of individual and differing words of praise would make the EW folks think, "Wow, people really like this book! Maybe we should take a look!"
And now for the results (at least the immediate results):
There were great results and really bad results.
First, the great results. At least, what I consider great results. There was a tremendous outpouring of support and willingness to help from people who have read Learn Me Good. Over 100 people responded to my original request, and around 40 of those emailed me Tuesday to let me know that they had sent EW an email. Many of those 40 actually included their EW email, and I was truly touched and amazed by the words of kindness, praise, and admiration.
It truly made me feel incredible as an author.
As for the bad news? Yeah, one of the EW editors REALLY did not take things well.
She never actually wrote back to ME, but several people forwarded me the note she had written back to them:
********
Please tell your friend Mr. Pearson that getting 5000 emails like this—filling up my inbox—ensures I will NEVER cover this book.
********
Ouch. On the bright side-- 5,000 emails received! HOLY CRAP, that's incredible!!!
On the down side, I'm quite sure she was exaggerating. By a factor of 100.
Also on the downside, plan go backfire. Big time.
Honestly, I never intended this to be an exercise in spamming the good folks at EW. It wasn't just me, sending the same email over and over and over again. It was a whole lot of different people saying different things about the same book.
Nevertheless, it was obviously taken as spam.
After I began writing this post, I received an email from the other EW editor (who coincidentally happens to be a fellow Duke alumnus). It was quite a bit kinder and gentler:
*********
Hi John, It's awesome that your books have so many admirers! But any way you can call them off? We're getting too many e-mails.
**********
I obliged, sending an email to all the people who I had not heard from. I also sent an apologetic email to the two EW editors, trying to explain that my intent was not spamariffic.
And thus endeth the (failed) EW experiment of '12.
Next week, Rolling Stone? Anyone? Anyone?
Just kidding!
I am a longtime reader and lover of Entertainment Weekly the magazine, and I've always thought it would be wonderful exposure to have Learn Me Good featured in the Books section of that magazine. I am also well aware that the writers of EW are highly unlikely to suddenly pluck a relatively unheard of novel out of the blue to feature in their pages.
So I hatched a scheme.
First, I sent this email to two of the book editors at EW:
**********
Hello, Ms. X and Mr Y,
I know that you typically review and promote books that are published by the "Big 6," but I have also seen a few non-traditional and independent authors working their way into the pages of EW recently. With the rise of e-books especially, readers are showing a willingness to give a chance to more writers than just those named King, Patterson, or Meyers. It's often a lot harder for those writers to get noticed, though.
I am one of those writers, and I'm also a teacher who is on summer vacation, so I have a little free time on my hands. As such, I thought I'd introduce you to my first novel, Learn Me Good.
I've asked a few friends and fans to write to you about Learn Me Good as well.
Learn Me Good is the story of Jack Woodson, a thermal design engineer who was laid off from his job.
Switching careers to be a teacher, he faces new challenges. Conference calls have been replaced with parent conferences. Product testing has given way to standardized testing. Instead of business cards, Jack now passes out report cards. The only thing that hasn't changed noticeably is the maturity level of the people surrounding him all day.
Learn Me Good is a hilarious first-person account, inspired by real life experiences. Through a series of emails to Fred Bommerson, his buddy who still works at Heat Pumps Unlimited, Jack chronicles a year-in-the-life of a brand new teacher. With subject lines such as "Irritable Vowel Syndrome," "In math class, no one can hear you scream," and "I love the smell of Lysol in the morning," Jack writes each email with a dash of sarcasm and plenty of irreverent wit.
"Jack Woodson (Duke Egr, class of '95) is currently living and working in Dallas, TX. He has forty children, and all of them have different mothers."
"I teach, therefore I am... poor."
Learn Me Good was self-published in paperback in 2006 and has since sold almost 1,500 copies. In 2009, it was published as an e-book for the Amazon Kindle, and it has since sold over 17,000 copies. It has received 185 reviews on Amazon.com, and 126 of those are 5-star reviews.
I would really love to have you check out Learn Me Good (and/or the sequel, Learn Me Gooder) and see if it might be worthy of mention or review in the pages of Entertainment Weekly. I would be more than happy to send you an electronic copy and/or a paperback copy upon request.
Thank you for your time,
John Pearson
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Perhaps if that had been the entirety of my plan, the editors would have taken notice and contacted me for an interview. I say perhaps in the sense that it is not an absolute impossibility. In the words of Mr. Spock, though, it seems highly illogical that I would have gotten that outcome from my email alone.
So I asked people to send in their own testimonials to the good folks at EW.
This was the "call to arms" email that I sent out to my willing volunteers (edited to remove email addresses):
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Thank you again for helping me with this attempt to get noticed by Entertainment Weekly. Here's what I'd like you to do. This Tuesday, July 3, at around noon, I am going to send an email to the 2 reviewers at EW. I will mention in the email that I've asked a few friends and fans of Learn Me Good to email them as well. Please send your email a little AFTER noon CST (if it's later in the day, it's certainly not going to hurt anything).
Please make the subject line: "Learn Me Good by John Pearson"
I've included sort of a "boiler plate" message below the line of stars. Please feel free to cut and paste that into your email. But what will really add impact would be if you would personalize your email by adding a sentence or two (or more, if you are so inclined) including your own thoughts and opinions of the book (and even Learn Me Gooder if you want).
And then keep your fingers crossed that they get in touch with me in a positive light! :)
One more time, thank you so much for your support and help in this endeavor.
John
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I teach, therefore I am... poor.
Learn Me Good is the story of Jack Woodson, a thermal design engineer who was laid off from his job. Switching careers to be a teacher, he faces new challenges. Conference calls have been replaced with parent conferences. Product testing has given way to standardized testing. Instead of business cards, Jack now passes out report cards. The only thing that hasn't changed noticeably is the maturity level of the people surrounding him all day.
Learn Me Good is a hilarious first-person account, inspired by real life experiences. Through a series of emails to Fred Bommerson, his buddy who still works at Heat Pumps Unlimited, Jack chronicles a year-in-the-life of a brand new teacher. With subject lines such as "Irritable Vowel Syndrome," "In math class, no one can hear you scream," and "I love the smell of Lysol in the morning," Jack writes each email with a dash of sarcasm and plenty of irreverent wit.
Since its original publication, Learn Me Good has sold almost 1,500 paperback copies and over 17,000 e-copies. It has received 184 reviews on Amazon.com, and 125 of those are 5-star reviews. These are amazing statistics for a self-published novel with no major backing!
Please look into featuring Learn Me Good and/or its sequel, Learn Me Gooder, in the pages of Entertainment Weekly.
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So that was the setup for my experiment. It may seem amateurish to some, but hey, I AM an amateur!
I knew there was a chance that this might be seen as a major annoyance, but I also figured that seeing a lot of individual and differing words of praise would make the EW folks think, "Wow, people really like this book! Maybe we should take a look!"
And now for the results (at least the immediate results):
There were great results and really bad results.
First, the great results. At least, what I consider great results. There was a tremendous outpouring of support and willingness to help from people who have read Learn Me Good. Over 100 people responded to my original request, and around 40 of those emailed me Tuesday to let me know that they had sent EW an email. Many of those 40 actually included their EW email, and I was truly touched and amazed by the words of kindness, praise, and admiration.
It truly made me feel incredible as an author.
As for the bad news? Yeah, one of the EW editors REALLY did not take things well.
She never actually wrote back to ME, but several people forwarded me the note she had written back to them:
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Please tell your friend Mr. Pearson that getting 5000 emails like this—filling up my inbox—ensures I will NEVER cover this book.
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Ouch. On the bright side-- 5,000 emails received! HOLY CRAP, that's incredible!!!
On the down side, I'm quite sure she was exaggerating. By a factor of 100.
Also on the downside, plan go backfire. Big time.
Honestly, I never intended this to be an exercise in spamming the good folks at EW. It wasn't just me, sending the same email over and over and over again. It was a whole lot of different people saying different things about the same book.
Nevertheless, it was obviously taken as spam.
After I began writing this post, I received an email from the other EW editor (who coincidentally happens to be a fellow Duke alumnus). It was quite a bit kinder and gentler:
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Hi John, It's awesome that your books have so many admirers! But any way you can call them off? We're getting too many e-mails.
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I obliged, sending an email to all the people who I had not heard from. I also sent an apologetic email to the two EW editors, trying to explain that my intent was not spamariffic.
And thus endeth the (failed) EW experiment of '12.
Next week, Rolling Stone? Anyone? Anyone?
Just kidding!
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