What's up with these names??

Saw a story from last Friday out of New Zealand about one of those odd names that actually was rejected by a court of law!

A married couple who was apparently born without pride, dignity, or basic common sense named their daughter "Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii." A Family Court judge in New Zealand made the nine-year-old girl (who was so embarrassed by her name that she told people to call her "K") a ward of the courts in order to change her name after a lengthy custody battle.

As a result, her name was changed to "My Name Was Legally Changed in Court." No, I'm kidding; the paper did not list her new name.

I have to say, this judge really did this little girl a service. Besides the embarrassment of her ridiculous name, just think about the other things he saved her from:

She'll never have to try to squeeze that long name onto a Best Buy employee badge.

When she marries a guy named Chad whose last name is Johnson Rides the Wave Boo Yah! her name will merely be long instead of ludicrously long.

Her hand will be less likely to cramp when signing autographs as a former child celebrity.

My question is, why aren't there more judges like this New Zealander??? We've got plenty of whacked out names here in the states! Why doesn't anyone else in a position of legal authority seemed to recognize "the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name."

The article listed several other that have been approved by registration officials. These names are as follows:

Fish and Chips

Keenan got Lucy (when I first read that, I thought it said Keenan got Lucky)

Violence

Sex Fruit (these parents should be buried in a coffin under 6 feet of dirt)

Yeah Detroit

and my personal favorite -- Number 16 Bus Shelter

Pimp My Name

You don't have to be a teacher nowadays to realize that many people in this great world of ours just can't handle the responsibility of naming a child. So many parents have taken to "tricking up" their baby's name -- choosing something that strikes their fancy, or that they think is "totally wicked awesome!"

Exhibit A – Kal-el Cage
Exhibit B – Apple Paltrow (Or is it Apple Martin? Or is that too close to Apple Martini?)
Exhibits C-E -- Any of Bruce Willis's kids.

But of course celebrities are not the only guilty party here. We get our fair share of kids at school named after luxury cars or royalty, or those with very inventive uses for the apostrophe.

So it occurred to me that with this increasing trend of parents naming their kids after things they like with no thought whatsoever as to the fact that it is indeed their child who will be forced to bear the burden of that name for the rest of his or her life, or at least until the age of 18 (deep breath) -- I think I have some idea of what names we can expect to start showing up in kindergarten classes in just a few years.

"Kal-el Cage" is just one example of a child named after a popular movie character. I expect we'll soon have classes that include at least one Legolas, Gimli, or Frodo. Of course, at MY school, it would be La’Frodo.

Free elements will no doubt make a strong entrance. Zirconium -- Zirc to his friends -- will be a popular boy's name, while Moly (short for Molybdenum) will be the hot new girl's name.

Expect Mazda and Isuzu to overtake Lexus and Porscha in the race for “kewl” monikers.

In about three years, here's the typical class roll call I expect to see:

Soduku
Jenny
Eowen
Jeauxsyff
All-in
McSteamy
da Vinci
Lauren
Magneto
Jar-Jar
Brittney
Cylon
Advil
Toyota
Kimberly
Nemo
Pyramid
Johnny.com
Catherine
Samsung
Rubidium

I can't wait!!