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Monday, February 05, 2007

Nobody puts Wookiee in a corner...

Say it ain't so. Chewbacca apparently has gone over to the Dark Side.

According to this story, a street performer in California who was dressed as everyone's favorite cuddly Wookiee got a bit aggressive and head butted a tour guide in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater. This, after being accused of “harassing and touching tourists." I can't think of anything worse than being groped by a six-foot tall bipedal hairy dog. I believe it was Kelly Ripa who said, "I don't know where that hand’s been!”

These performers hang around outside of the theater hoping for some loose change for a hard day's work. Let's not even stop to consider where Chewbacca would store his money. I'm more interested in what precipitated this aggressiveness. I can just picture some random guy walking past saying, "Hey buddy, you don't see ME out here crying cuz no one will give him a dollar!" And some other clever individual remarking, "That's because schmucks don't rip people's arms out of their sockets when they don't get their money." All accompanied by the hideous Wookiee mating song.

Based on the story, there did not seem to be any particular Star Wars theme going on with the street performers. It was a veritable hodgepodge of fictional characters. Giving new meaning to the term "Character Witnesses," bystanders included Superman, Buzz Lightyear, and Homer Simpson. Heck, why not bring in Brainy Smurf as an expert witness and Harvey Birdman as prosecutor?

This story is chock-full of amusing sound bites, but here is one of my favorite statements:

“Two years ago, Mr. Incredible, Elmo the Muppet and the dark-hooded character from the movie "Scream" were arrested for "aggressive begging," the L.A. Times reported.”

I gotta ask… who was the MORON who let that unholy triumvirate come together???


educat said...

You've been saving that post title just hoping for opressed Wookies, haven't you?


Anonymous said...

When I was in NYC we saw a guy dressed up in the crappiest Spongebob costume ever. He offered to take a picture with us for the bargain price of $10.

This was a picture taken with my own camera, by the way. No thanks, Spongebob!

Mister Teacher said...

Sounds like a sponge all right...

Ed U. Cater said...

There's rumor & speculation that the the event was caught on video...and, that if you boost the sound on the video, you can clearly hear the tour guide calling Chewie a "scruffy-looking-nerf-herder". I don't know about you, but that would be enough to throw me over the edge.