- If I'm going to get the Swine Flu this year (along with half of the US population), I know EXACTLY the kid that's going to give it to me. This kid has been coughing since day one, and despite my best efforts, I just can't get him to cover his mouth. I've already named my fantasy football team The Swine Floozies.
- The bus that I am charged with monitoring after school already has 3 kids in every seat (sometimes 4), yet there are always 30 more kids waiting to get on. Planning, anyone?
- Yesterday, the teacher who decided that the best time to fill her cup of ice from the student drinking fountain was right as my kids were waiting in line for it. Mind you, this was no normal cup. No Big Gulp, no Super Gulp, not even a Double Gulp. No, this was the EXTREME Gulp -- 256 ounces of icy goodness. May as well nickname it "The Potty Emergency." I wonder if she heard me mutter, "Are you kidding me??"
- Over-tired already of the game of "Bathroom Chicken." The game is basically played like this:
Me: We just took a class bathroom break 20 minutes ago.
Student X: It's an emergency!"
Me: Oh, come on, you just went, you can't possibly need to go again.
Student X: Oh yeah? Watch this!
(Student's face starts turning red, grunting sounds begin emanating, etc.
- The fact that my classroom is the size of a hotel walk-in freezer, but my class rosters are 21 and 22 kids. I'm running out of room! I know I can't complain, though, because one of our 1st grade teachers has 41 kids in her class...
- I got a new student while my homeroom was taking the pre-inventory math test (a test that I continue to despise, year after year). After getting this boy started on the test, I noticed that he had circled the words, "How many more" on one question. Somewhat excitedly, I leaned over and told him, "I see you know that those words are important, that's great! What do they mean?" He replied, "That they're magic." Not exactly what I was expecting, I persisted -- "And what do they tell you to do?" His response -- "To get the right answer." I maintain my optimism.
- What should be the easiest question on the math test, basically, what do a square and a rectangle have in common (though worded MUCH more complicatedly than necessary) -- WAY too many kids picking the answer that says they both have exactly 3 corners.
- A new little girl who cried for the first 15 minutes of class yesterday non-stop. Not silently, either. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that her little sister had gone to live with her aunt far away. She later told another teacher that she was crying because a girl in my class was calling her names. After a dose of sodium pentathol, she revealed the true reason, which was that she wanted to be placed in the classroom that her friend was currently in.
- This morning's quick write prompt was "What kind of books do you like to read?" While most of the kids were writing away diligently, I was walking around reading over their shoulders. After about 5 or 7 minutes, I got around to a little boy who had "My" written. That was it, except for a few more words that had been erased. I leaned over and asked him for some ideas verbally and then told him to write what he had just told me. A few minutes later when I checked on him, his writing had somehow actually gotten SHORTER, as he had erased "My" and replaced it with "I."
- Amidst all the chaos, we are responsible for checking all of our students' enrollment packets. One of my sweet little girls, as it turns out, lives in another school's zone. We had to send a note home with her today telling her parents that she needs to go to this other school.
- After 4 days, I am slowly making headway in stopping the chain reaction of cries of "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!" after every correct answer. More and more kids are remembering to silently give a thumbs up instead.
- In addition to morning duty, now the position of Accelerated Math Instruction Coordinator is no longer a paid spot either.