I auditioned for a game show here in Dallas last weekend called Whatta Ya Think? and I actually did quite well. If indeed they start filming in June as they said, I ought to be called back. Maybe that's why today I had game shows on my mind, and taking a cue from the one titled Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? I would like to humbly submit my own idea.
Are You More Cynical Than a 3rd Grade Teacher? would give everyone a realistic chance to experience the life of an elementary school educator.
Here are just a few sample questions that you might see on the show:
1) Last week, you reviewed clock reading skills, something introduced in first grade. Today, at five minutes till noon, you ask the kids to look at the wall clock and tell you what time it is. What answer will the majority of the kids give you?
2) As a reward for participation, you've decided to hand out Jolly Ranchers candies. When you hand the first child his candy, what is the probability that he will say, "I don't want this color!"
3) A little girl in your class was sent to the principal's office for throwing rocks at a car during recess, and she has returned to the classroom in tears. What can you expect her to do at recess tomorrow?
A) Climb on the monkey bars
B) Play tag with the other children
C) Write an apology letter
D) Throw rocks at a car
4) A boy in your class is refusing to follow directions. You have decided to call his mother to report his actions. What is the most likely outcome of your phone call?
A) The boy is admonished by his mother
B) The mother refuses to believe that her son has done anything wrong
C) The mother threatens to sue you for suggesting that her son has done anything wrong
D) None -- the phone was long ago disconnected
5) You have just read the following word problem with the class: "Mr. Carter spent $4 for a hammer and $8 for a saw. How much did he spend in all?" If you call on someone randomly, and ask them what they would do to solve the problem, what will they most likely say?
That's just a sampling of what we might see on Are You More Cynical Than a 3rd Grade Teacher?
I'm sure this show would do well on Fox.