Welcome to the petri dish

Well, I suppose I should have known that I couldn't outrun it for long...

You know that song that goes, "come on, come on, get down with the sickness?" Well, consider me officially… down with the sickness.

Me getting sick at around this time of year is not the odd thing. Actually, it's sort of a moral victory that I've lasted this long into the school year without catching anything. What IS odd, however, is that almost all of the third-grade teachers have gotten sick at the same time. So I am not alone in my misery.

Usually, the colds that I catch at the school last longer than Paris Hilton boyfriends. My first year, I basically was sick from Thanksgiving until spring break. But then, I learned that it was not a good idea to rub my eyes, pick my nose, or put my mouth right on top of the water fountain, and things got slightly better.

If there are any doctors out there, maybe you can help me figure out exactly what I have this time around. At first, I was thinking maybe it was just a touch of the ebolla, or perhaps some over-achieving strain of Dutch elm disease, but take a look at these symptoms and see what you think.

Headache
Runny nose
Stuffed up nose
Leaky brake fluid
Cough
Sore throat
The ability to control and command small groups of ants (maximum 30) for limited tasks
Dizziness
Phlegm out the wazoo
Severe menstrual cramping

Any ideas? Please get back to me. In the meantime, I'm going to climb into bed and enjoy my 12 hours of sleep before the alarm rings at 5:30.