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Monday, November 27, 2006

Christmas in November??! BRILLIANT!!!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Or, excuse me, I should say it's beginning to look a lot like Holiday Season. I've never particularly been one for euphemisms (despite the cruel joke my parents played on me by giving me the middle name, "Euphemism"), and that one especially chaps my hide. Why isn't February the "Holiday Season?" I mean, you've got Valentine's Day, Presidents' Day, Groundhog Day, MY birthday... talk about a holiday bonanza!

But no, we can't officially talk about Christmas in school anymore -- Heaven forbid! (Wait, can I say the word heaven?) During the morning announcements today, my principal capped things off with, "And remember, there are only 15 school days left until Chri-- Winter Break!"
I could practically hear her larynx split down the middle as it attempted to do a 180 and avoid say the C-word.

But no matter what you call it, there are already decorations galore in anticipation of it. Thanksgiving apparently couldn't end fast enough for some people, as lights, signs, and lawn displays seemed to go up overnight. Now this will be the first year that I am even THINKING about putting up lights on my house, and if I do in fact get around to that, it definitely will not be before this weekend. However, I just got back from a walk around my neighborhood, and I already feel that my house will be the domicile equivalent of Charley Brown's Christmas tree.

I saw plenty of lights and displays, and even a few with a Texas twist. "Merry Christmas, y'all," inside an illuminated outline of the state of Texas -- adjacent to Santa on a Harley. Several Christmas cacti. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Longhorn (okay, I didn't really see that one -- but it might be kind of cool).

And a lot of people have gone to those inflatable front yard displays. Which apparently only get inflated in the evening. I passed by one or two empty Santa husks, lying face down in the grass. I'd love to see the housewives out there inflating them sometime. I'm picturing Julie Hagerty and the autopilot from Airplane.

Oh, and while we're on the subject, I have an excellent gift request. I would really love for someone to give me a little box with a button on it that would say one word whenever the button was pressed. That one word would be the catchphrase of the black and white animated professors from the Guinness Genuine Stout commercials.

That way, whenever I'm in class, and one of my kids tells me that it must be lunchtime because the clock says 5:83 -- I can just push the button.

When one of my students tells me that there are 10 boxes of crayons, with 5 crayons in each box, so there are 15 crayons total -- I can just push the button.

When one of my little cherubs informs me that he is about to wet himself because he chose NOT to use the facilities during our class bathroom break (which we returned from 10 minutes prior) -- I can just push the button.

When one of my future rocket scientists says to me, "Mister Teacher, I didn't bring my homework because I put it in my backpack, but then my little brother was playing with my dog, and I saw their heads inside my bag, but now my pencil is there, but my brother was sick last night, and so I didn't sleep, and now I have my homework, but it's not done,” -- well, I might need TWO buttons on that box, so I can push THIS one.

2 comments:

Flipper, the housewife. said...

Housewives? What is this, 1953?

Mister Teacher said...

Um, no, I guess not. Because in 1953, dolphins did live in houses...