Alas poor Pluto, we knew you well

My Very Energetic Mother Served Us Nine…

And then there were eight. Pluto, long-time resident of the low end of the heavenly totem pole, has officially been stripped of its planet status.

Said Pluto, when reached for comment at his summer cottage, “Somebody gonna pay for this. Did Neptune do this? I’ma kill that sucka.”

Pluto has always been derided by its space-mates, as is clear through folklore:

“All of the other planets
Used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Pluto
Play in any planet games.”

According to initial reports, the Solar System was considering adding 3 other orbiting space objects to the established 9, thus forming a “Super Conference,” much like the ACC (Atlantic coast Conference) did back in 2004. This wreaked havoc with the basketball schedule, but it really brought in the football revenue and opened the door to new Bowl games.
However, those plans have been ditched, and now Pluto and its largest moon Charon, along with large rocks Ceres and Xena (sure to be a hit with the interplanetary lesbian crowd) will be given token status as “dwarf planets.” This will undoubtedly raise the ire of several political correctness groups, and my guess is within a year we will be referring to them as “planets of reduced diameter.”

I guess we will have to teach our students a new mnemonic. I hereby suggest the following:

Most Valuable Eight Maintain Status, Unleash Ninth.

According to some early reports, Mel Gibson’s father has already begun to promote the word that there have always only been eight planets.

Ironically enough, Uranus is still considered worthy of planetary status.