No Teachers Left Behind

Back about a month ago, I ran a guest post by Hopeful But Frustrated Teacher (HBF), who was doing a virtual book tour for her novel, No Teachers Left Behind. HBF was kind enough to later send me a copy of her book, which I jumped on as soon as the school year ended.

For anyone who may be interested in giving this book a look, here is my review of No Teachers Left Behind.

I have a feeling that non-teachers who read No Teachers Left Behind will come away shaking their heads, saying things like, "That's just too extreme -- there's no way school is like that!" For teachers though, even the most extreme situations in the book are recognized as possible and plausible.

At Vilyon Middle School, Principal Angela Marsh is nothing but rainbows and butterflies -- as long as it's to a best-selling author or a high-dollar donating parent. To her staff, she doesn't stop at stepping on toes; she brings her high heel down on the jugulars. In an early staff-wide email, she says that for the rest of the day, lunches will be held in the classrooms, despite the inconvenience to teachers. Oh, and by the way, she will be off campus having lunch at the Olive Garden.

The book is full of emails like that, with Marsh walking all over teachers' rights but then announcing that she is exempt. While reading them, I thought that's just so extreme, and yet it's not implausible at all! In one of my favorite examples, and energetic young activist teacher has sent out an email asking for support at a Saturday Obama rally. Principal Marsh replies with a message stating two facts: one, politics most definitely have no business at school, and two, emails of a personal nature will be cause for referral and loss of laptop. Turn the page and we find another email from Marsh, informing the entire staff that her daughter's Adventure Troop is selling popcorn which can be ordered in the main office. She ends her email with "PS -- God bless John McCain and the Republican Party."

In between the absurd emails from the principal, there are emails from teachers commenting on the working conditions, short poems that are wonderful, and bursts of narration that set the stage for the endgame.

This book will not have you rolling on the floor in stitches, but it is funny in a different way. I read almost the entire story with a bemused smile, shaking my head, thinking, "That is just spot on."

At the very end of the book, the story turns tragic. This is no spoiler, as it states this fact right on the back cover. By the time the tragedy unfolds, the author has done a great job of making you feel for and genuinely LIKE the handful of characters that may or may not be involved in the final act.

Kudos to Hopeful But Frustrated Teacher for a job well done. Here's hoping that her own principal in real life is not QUITE the monster that Angela Marsh is.

Meet Hopeful But Frustrated

I received an email a couple of weeks ago from someone at a "Virtual Book Tours" site. They asked me if I would like to host one stop on such a virtual tour for the author of a new book which sounded like it was right up my alley. Seeing as how this seemed like a REALLY neat idea to me, I immediately said, "HECK YEAH!"

Meet Hopeful But Frustrated Teacher. HBF for short. In this world of parent showmanship when it comes to naming children, one can only hope that Hopeful But Frustrated is not her LEGAL birth name, or that if it is, that at least she goes by Hope.

HBF is a middle school teacher who has written a book called No Teachers Left Behind. Set at the fictional Vilyon Middle School, the teachers don't merely have to deal with unruly students and stubborn parents, but (the horror!) a truly awful principal named Alicia Marsh.

I must admit, I know all of this from reading the information at the book's main site. I haven't actually read No Teachers Left Behind. But I can honestly say that I WANT to read it. The format sounds very similar to that of Learn Me Good, a series of emails and communications. The tiny excerpt I read was very captivating. And of course the subject matter is near and dear to heart.

Without any further ado, let's get on with this Virtual Book Tour, and allow me to present a Guest Post (since 2009 IS the year of the Guest Post here at LMG), by HBF.

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Dictionary Additions from HBF Teacher

Mister Teacher delights and inspires his fellow teachers on a daily basis, but few of his posts have delighted me as much as Mister Teacher’s venture into the world where only a few, the talented ones like Webster and Scholastic, have gone before - into Dictionary Land - with his own Teacher’s Dictionary.

When I read some of the terms, I was laughing so hard that I was hitting my head up against the dry erase board. Don’t think for one minute that some of my students did not take the opportunity to write on the back of my blouse at that time either. Well when I was done rolling on the floor laughing, I realized that at my middle school, we have a few unique terms ourselves. Before I can discuss them, I must first pay homage to a couple of Mister Teacher’s terms which stood out to me, and then I will share a couple of my own phrases with you. Perhaps one of them may strike a chord with you, just like a few of Mister Teacher’s words hit home with me.

I particularly liked Mister Teacher’s "gradecation" although I’m not familiar with the word. My students typically frown upon me grading their papers because in order for me to come up with a grade, they would actually have to complete an assignment. Therefore I have no official knowledge of “gradecation”, but I have taken at least one “mental health day” this year. No, I’m not crazy, but a day away from the classroom, locked away in a padded room with nice, soft music, and no one repeatedly calling my name does a great deal for preserving my sanity.

"Maximum Kiddage" (the largest amount of students that can fit in a certain area) is another one of Mister Teacher’s terms that I love. At my school, there is never a number that is too large to go in the smallest area of the school. This area is generally known as my room. I tried explaining the theory of “maximum kiddage” to my principal, but for some reason, he didn’t seem to understand it.

There is so much school jargon bantered about my middle school that it took me a while to decide on the best words/phrases, but somehow I got it down to my two favorite work related expressions.

Number 1 – “frequent flyer”. I’m not talking about Delta or Air Tran. I’m talking about those kids who are always sitting on the principal’s bench. You know the ones I’m talking about. I walk into my classroom, even before the day begins, and this kid is on the bench. Eight hours later, I’m walking out the door, and this kid is still on the principal’s bench. Of course this kid had not been on the principal’s bench all day because I did see him in the cafeteria getting his lunch. Later, I saw him eating that same lunch on the principal’s bench. Nevertheless, there are quite a few students like “him” at my school. They can barely go forty-five minutes without getting in some kind of trouble and being sent to the principal’s office. When these kids are seen in the hall without passes, nobody even questions them because everyone knows where they are going. They’re going to the bench. They’re the “frequent flyers”. If you could accumulate points for trips to the bench and convert these to dollars, these kids could buy their own schools.

And Number 2, sadly my favorite – “five year plan”. This phrase is similar to one of Mister Teacher’s words, but in middle school, some of us dreamier teachers like to think of our students as being goal oriented. Sure there are only three grades (6th, 7th, and 8th) in middle school, and it should normally take only three years to complete them all. But we would be less than enthusiastic teachers if we did not rejoice when some of our lower achieving students finally made it out of middle school in their fifth year. Sure they are a little behind their peers, but hey, these kids were working on a plan.

On a different note, despite the words my colleagues and I toss about, we are very serious about inspiring our students to set high expectations and then challenging them to exceed their own goals. In my novel, No Teachers Left Behind, I give voice to my frustrations about the people and events which place obstacles in my way as I attempt to motivate my students. The novel is told through a series of emails, poems, and brief conversations and is available at Amazon.com. Give it a read; you’ll love it.

Mister Teacher, you’re tops with me, and I look forward to reading more of your dictionary. Thanks for allowing me to visit.

HBF Teacher